Listening to the Oceans

The healing powers of, one of Mother Nature’s wonders: the oceans, a great place to sit and meditate, translated…

After the coldest time of the year, slowly, I’d, returned back to the seaside, listening to the oceans.  Looking out into the vast ocean, that extension of body of water, the waves, they don’t take a break, continually, rushed into the shorelines, and impacted my eardrums as well.  The days when I don’t go to the libraries, I’d often gone, and sat on that, wordless rock, with my book, and just, spent the day.

The depth of the water is enormous by the shores, the coastline, jagged, unfitting to get into the water for that swim, so the location wasn’t, populated at all.  Off in the distances, a few children were, horseplaying with their dog, and all I saw were the blurred shapes, while their laughter, absorbed by Mother Nature.

And yet, this is, no quiet place.  There are always a lot going on around the beaches, where the stronger and the gentler waves met off in the distances, the waves kept rolling in stronger, as they’d hit the shores, they’d retreated like the king’s horses and men, the rocks also, rolled into the oceans, settled down, and comforted, but, gone in a miniscule of a second.

The thoughts I arrived to the beaches with, turned and churned like the waves, but they don’t sink like those larger rock into the oceans deep.  I was entangled on how I was supposed to sort through the things at home, not known how I’m to, start writing my next volume, and I’d had to, sit on the beaches for a long, long time, then, I’d started, hearing the sound of my brain, not talking to itself.

I’d slowly, found that way to settle my self down: picking up the rocks.  Not to bring them with me, but, allowing them, to retrieve my heart back.  There were the various shapes, sizes, and colors, all unique and beautiful in their own ways, don’t matter their colors whether they felt smooth, jagged, or with the cracks, they all reminded me of that compartment of the old record players, like the sheet music in braille, kept track of the millions of years’ worth of songs of the oceans.

like this…

facing, the vast, the wide open…photo from online

Looking out into the oceans, can’t see the slightest ripple, seemed to be the most peaceful place on earth, and it’d, made me wanted to, drift along with it, leaping, into the navy blue.  I’d patted a seemingly silent pebble, the gray colored sands covered my hands the body of that pebble was smooth, told of how it must’ve been, washed up to shore, carried back into the depth of the oceans, washed up to shore, carried back again, into the depth of the oceans, then, washed to shore again.

I’d listened to the wind from the oceans, the echoes of the oceans in the wind, as well as the echoes of the responses that these rocks have of everything that’s going on all around, rumbling on, and away, the present became, eternity.  That sound from my head slowly made its exit out of my brain, I’d listened to all around me, and, forgot everything that was, troubling me, sat my self down onto the pebbles.  The sunshine warm, the light passed through the clouds up above, splashed down onto the ocean tops, broken into, countless broken crystals of, light, illuminating the ocean’s surfaces, and my heart, it’d, cleared back up again.

I’d heard the calls of the oceans during the daytime, until the late night, my ears still heard the echoes of the ocean’s calling out to me, the waves took me along, swaying me, in the darkness of the, starry, night skies.

And so, this, is how the nature can, heal us, it gives us that sense of calm, when we feel messy on the inside, and, the oceans are a great place to go to, to sit, and contemplate, and, you will find, that a lot of the things that had been troubling you will all, go away, as you sat and meditate by the oceans, and when you get back up to get going, all the burdens you were hauling along in your life, seemed, lightened up a bit.

After He Was Vaccinated, He’d Lost the Sensations in His Legs, Worried that His Life Was Now, Ruined

The dangers of the vaccines, not yet known, but we all are, afraid of death, so we went ahead, and got them anyway, and this, is one of the more awful end results, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Lu is twenty-six, just got accepted into N.T.U. Business Graduate Department last year, he is in the prime of his life, on May 28^th, he got his first shot of Astra-Zeneca vaccines, the following morn, he’d suddenly felt numb in his legs, and lost the sensations in his legs, couldn’t get out of bed on his own, needed his family members to help him up, he was so thrilled, thought to himself, “it’s all over, my originally good life, would I need a cane to walk from here on out!”

Both Lu’s parents, his older brothers are, medical professionals, they all had their first vaccine of Astra-Zeneca vaccines, he’d wanted to support the policies of our government, and got AZ as his first too.  On that day at four in the afternoon, when h got vaccinated, at two the following morn, he’d had a fever, and his legs went numb, he couldn’t get out of bed, felt sick, he’d, barely steadied himself by the bed and his closet, got a painkiller, but, as he wanted to get to his living room, he couldn’t, then he’d, returned back to bed to sleep again, then he was out for the entire day.  His mother, Tsai found that he showed the more serious side effects from the vaccines, his father, Lu diagnosed him with Guillain-Barré Syndrome.

Lu suspected, that his son’s symptoms were from the rare side effect, causing the antibodies to not just attack the virus, but also, attacked the cells of the neural systems around it, causing the paralysis of the nervous system network close by.

“If I can choose again, I would not get the Astra-Zeneca vaccines, because it was too shocking, to scary, simply, too, horrid!”

Another severe reaction occurred on the forty-three year-old Mr. Hsu.

Mr. Hsu works as an engineer, went to the Taipei Veteran Memorial Hospital for his very first dose of Moderna vaccine on June 28^th, not only did he experience the disturbances in his sleep patterns, he’d felt stuffy in his thorax, couldn’t fall asleep.  By the ninth day after his vaccination he had troubles going upstairs, feeling dizzy.  By the tenth morning, he’d started, having a fever, fell unconscious to the ground after he got up in the morn, with his face turning white and started sweating cold sweats.

On the afternoon of July 12^th, he’d felt his body was completely wrong, his families were alerted, immediately took him to the Changgang Hospital E.R. that evening.  During the time of his I.C.U. stay, he’d had troubles breathing to that he couldn’t sleep, edema in his lungs.  As the hospital confirmed it, he had myocarditis that it was an adverse side effect that was possible for Moderna vaccines, and the hospital reported to the Department of Welfare & Sanitations right away.  Last year, he’d filed for the monetary reimbursements, but to this very day, no answer.

“I’m NEVER getting vaccinated again!”, he’d checked the government websites, that more had died from the vaccinations here in Taiwan than those who’d died from contraction of the virus, he’d suggested that the government should, pay more attention to those who are suffering from the adverse side effects from getting vaccinated.

And because, these vaccines are still, quite new, as MERS-CoV is still, very new too, that’s why, there are these cases of severe side effects that’s now, happened, because you do NOT know, what sort of an adverse side effects there may be because, not enough researches, follow-ups had been done, in these, vaccine developments, and those of us who were, “lucky” enough (b/c it’s like, chances of, winning the lotto???), to get hit with one of these, more adverse side effects, well, screws to be us!

The School Instructors’ Rights to Keep Their Jobs, Left Up to the High School Age Students?

The debate on whether or not these underage minors should have the right to decide, whether their school instructors get fired or not, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Executive Department’s Children & Youths Rights Teams brought up a case, hoping to add more members of students as the evaluation committee members of the schools’ teaching evaluation boards, to have the voices of the varied members; the Department of Education conducted three discussions on the matters, and proposed three workable plans, including the student representatives getting invited to the meets, to offer their opinions, or the student representatives can request to be at the meeting, along with, asking the student representatives to be at the evaluation committee meetings.

I believe that the intentions are well, but the practicalities of the matter are still, debated on, as there are, still many issues the schools, and the Department of Education need to consider, that the programs should not get implemented right away, or at least, first, on a trial basis, then, decide if it should be set in stone.

The most important duties of the evaluation committee is related to the instructors directly, especially on whether or not an instructor should be fired, to keep on hiring, to terminate the contract of hiring, this would be relating to the instructors’ right to work, and, is it really appropriate, to leave it to the high school students to decide?

The students in high school are faced with the college entrance exams, the college applications, not only are the academics getting heavier on them, their paces of life are faster by the day, and, each student is developing at a different maturity level, can they handle the burdens of the duties that needed to get fulfilled as members of the evaluation boards.  On the means of deciding whether or not an instructor should continue to teach, or deciding on the matters of gender equality, the high school students didn’t have the firsthand observation means, nor the discussion sessions held with the instructors, how would they be right to decide on whether or not the instructors should be allowed to keep on teaching, to get fired?  And, if the government goes through with this, then, there would be many of the, unforeseeable, consequences.

Surely, we can take the opinions of high school students into considerations, but we should NOT spoil them, the evaluations of college professors had proven to be problematic, by opening up the high school students, allowing them into the evaluation committees, decide whether or not an instructor is fit to teach, this should be discussed more thoroughly.

And so, this, is on, giving these, underage minors, too much rights, because if this passed, then, the students would have the right to, get the instructors fired by voting, and they’re, still all, under age minors, how the @#$% should they know what they’re, voting for and/or against?  I’m all for giving more rights to these school age students, but, allowing the student bodies to vote on whether or not a teacher should be kept in her/his teaching post, that’s, going overboard.

He’d Stabbed His Own Separated Wife to Death, in Front of His Own Four-Year-Old Young Son, then Fled

The argument that finally, caused the man to lose it, and stabbed his own wife to death, tragedy that struck, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The man, Chen from Taichung had separated from is wife, Lin, and they took turns caring for their four-year-old son, yesterday, as Lin went to pick up the son from Chen’s residence, before they parted, they started arguing, and Chen was suspected of taking out a folding knife in front of his young son, stabbed into Lin’s left chest, then fled, Lin was rushed to the hospital and died.  The police chased after Chen using the street surveillance, and they’re looking at charging him for murder.

The police found, that the forty-three-year-old Chen worked odds and ends, and had separated from his thirty-seven-year-old wife, Lin, they’d agreed to share custody of their young son.  Chen lives in a residential building at Beitun District with his mother, Chen’s mother would help in caring for the young boy.

Yesterday came Lin’s turn to take care of her son, at around ten in the morn, she and her younger sister went to Chen’s home to pick the boy up, as she carried out the luggage of her young son, taking her son’s hand, readied to leave, she’d started fighting with Chen, causing the neighbors to come out to check; Chen screamed angrily, “You think you’re just going to leave?”, then, took out a folded knife, stabbed into Lin’s left chest, Lin started bleeding out, and fell to the ground, Lin’s younger sister couldn’t prevent him from stabbing her, and her young son was there, witnessing.

As Chen’s mother heard the raucous, she’d come downstairs to check, found Lin lying in her blood, while Chen had already escaped via a scooter, the neighbors who witnessed the entire thing called the police.  The police found Lin with a stab wound on her left thorax, rushed her to the hospital but she’d, died.  The police didn’t recover the knife, and believed that Chen had taken it away, they’d reviewed the surveillance, found that he got away on a scooter, then transferred on a cab, they’re currently chasing his whereabouts.

Chen’s mother, Lin’s younger sister both told, that they fought a lot, but they didn’t know what about.  The neighbors told, that the members of the families don’t have regular work hours, and had gone out in the middle of the nights to work, and sometimes, they would have the neighbors babysit, that they’d heard arguments of the couple in the middle of the nights, and the noises that came from their apartment.

The Taichung Social Services told, that the family didn’t have a protective order on file, that the social workers already contacted the families, and, will try and understand what had happened in the families, and they’d started the counseling process for the young child who’d witnessed his mother getting attacked by his father already.

And so, this is still an accumulation of everything that’s gone on from before, and in that moment, the man lost control, and stabbed his own wife to death.  Another tragedy in the society here, with the child still, stuck, in the middle of all of this.

Refusing to Let the Mediocrity, the Kitsch to Contaminate the Schools

How political preferences had, gotten into the schools, and how this is, bad for everybody, the old, and the young too!  Observations from the Front Page Sections, translated…

It has caused the attention of the public in the case of the Taichung First High School students getting into argument with the music instructor, as the footages of the events were publicized online.  There are a wide variety of opinions by the observers, the students also, with validity on all sides.  In the views of the multivariate, I’d felt, that this, is of, grave concerns: the middle school education is currently marching towards the mediocrity.

Everybody agrees, that schools are, microcosms of the society, but, what we should zoom in on, is that the schools are, what the futures, look like, that the schools are affected by what’s currently going on outside the walls, and what sort of a role models are we, giving to these, sixteen-year-old students?  Let’s take a look:

We’d once called out for the political parties to get out of school, and two years ago, the Taichung’s First Boys’ High School prided itself on setting up a political party, what are they, taking after the political party systems again?  The politicians talking blind, calling one another out had already, set roots in the high school campuses.  Those who are into the movements, the students are in charge as the committee member of the high school curriculum board, leading to the rewriting of history, which was totally, outrageous.  The politicians led in calling out to the masses, in the concerts.  A lot of the political figures’ theses don’t have the validations of the facts, or, they’re, refused to, explain themselves.  Cyberbullying became the norms of day-to-day, the net armies 1450 led the way, causing the students to be contaminated, and spreading the contaminations among their peers before they’re even, out of school.

What sort of education we have, that’s the exact kind of future we will be getting.  And, what do we want the students to learn, from all of these, negative examples?  The incident of Taichung’s First High School, it may only be a tip of the iceberg.  Toward these quite intelligent students, we’re not blaming them, and yet, we still hoped, that they can make their own, separate, contributions to the civilization of human being, to innovate in the technologies, to give to the welfare of the society.

Twenty five years ago, the Chien-Guo High School felt the impacts of how most gifted and talented students have too strong a sense of themselves, lacked the cares toward others, I’d posed the “volunteer lessons”, hoping, to get the students to learn about the true meanings of giving to others.  Which later on, got extended by other schools into the volunteer service programs, and, these sorts of positive education models should continue to be reinforced in the high school levels.

The now lost goals of education, the cutting of corners to get to the finish lines, caused the problems we’re experiencing currently.  Returning back to the original purpose of education, that, is the way to resolve all of these, problems.  What is, the original purpose of education?  If we agree, that that schools are, a microcosm o the society, that it is the future, then, we should, keep the goodwill within the school going, to not let the mediocrity, the kitsch to contaminate the schoolyards.

And so, this is how politics had, dipped its, dirty little fingers into the education, and the influences of the political parties are, not to be ignored, because, of the news media being preferential toward certain political parties, and, the news channels which are more neutral in reporting of the facts getting pulled off by the NCC, the students here now, lacked a basis for comparison, and they’re all, following the leader, blindly, and that’s not good at all.

Helping the Teachers to Have the Better Moods So They Can Help the Students Have the Better Moods Also

How the department of education can provide a viable outlet for the teachers’ stresses, so they don’t, lose control, blow up in the students’, faces, opinions from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The recent outbursts of the music instructor that went viral struck up debate, there were the supporters of both.  But this goes beyond who’s right or wrong, and, after this particular incident, there may be, more like this one that surface up into the school campuses.

remembered that in my elementary years, a substitute was teaching, the students commented on how the instructor looked like a Neanderthal, the instructor blew up in class at us; then, another instructor came, the students commented that s/he looked like a money, and that instructor only blushed and told the students, to stop joking.  Same jokes, but two responses from the two instructors.  The students may not mean anything by it, or, maybe, they’re, trying to make fun of the instructors, or, to rebel against the instructor or something, but, the instructors must have, hurt hearing those words, and so, a lot of instructors treated teaching their classes like going to war, and some of the instructors, just, raise up the white flag, given up on the students; while other instructors, kept everything bottled up, getting worse psychologically, and physically as well, and all of these, aren’t, desirable, outcomes.

The students now, are influenced by the internet, and, what they encountered, and learned, had lost exceeded what the students from before know, while the instructors who’d taught, for twenty, thirty years on end, if they’d still used the same methods to teach, then, the instructor won’t be adapt, in getting through to the students now.

Remember what our favorite teachers looked like?  Those who’d not blurted out the insults to the students often, with the enthusiastic attitudes in teaching the classes, to the point, of caring about the students’ wellbeing, even if the instructors aren’t that good looking, aren’t that articulate.  The emotions are, infectious, as the instructors carry that good mood, the students feel it, and, accept the instructors from within, even as the students may still misbehave themselves, the instructors can still, feel that connectedness toward the students, and relate to one another, amicably.

I think that the Department of Education needs to provide the instructors with the courses of stress-relief periodically, or means of counseling for the teachers, so the instructors can, have a more varied ways of interacting, adapting to, teaching the students, with the different means of adaptation, letting the instructors know how to de-stress.  As the pressures off, the emotions are in check, the harmony then, flows from the classrooms.

And so, this is still, a cause and effect, as kids are getting harder, harder, and harder to teach, like how from before when we went to school, nobody DARED challenged the teacher, but now, the students are, talking back in class, showing disrespect for their instructors, no wonder that the teachers are, going off all around, and, we do, need a way of the instructors, to relieve the stresses of their classroom sessions, otherwise, it will build up, then, it all comes, crumbling, down, like how the instructor snapped n the Taichung First High School incident.

The Man from Zhudong Suspected of Murdering a Woman Due to Debt Issues Caught

The motives for murder here was, MONEY!!!  Law and disorder, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The sixty-year-old man, Peng was suspected of having monetary disputes with the sixty-year-old woman, Peng, two days ago, he’d learned that Peng was at a friend’s home playing mahjong, he’d barged in, with a butcher knife, and hacked her repeatedly, Peng sustained three knife wounds on her head, and her neck, lost too much blood, and died before they got her to the hospital, another friend who’d attempted to mediate between Peng and Peng also got hacked to injury; after Peng committed the murder, he’d left to escape with the murder weapon, and was arrested yesterday afternoon, the police are still figuring out the motives of his murder, and, the case is more than likely to be prosecuted as a murder charge.

The police found, that Peng didn’t have a set residence, had multiple priors in theft and robbery, and he would shoplift as he walked past the fruit stands, that he was a troublemaker considered by the local shop owners; he’d played mahjong with the woman he’d murdered before, they were “friends of mahjong”, considering, Peng once asked for a loan from the woman he’d murdered, was suspected of her hurrying him to pay up what he’d owed, and they started getting into it

At around five in the afternoon two days ago, Peng learned that the woman was going to a friend’s home to play mahjong, he’d taken a butcher’s knife, in a plastic bag, headed over to the location.

At the moment, Peng the woman and three others were chatting and playing mahjong, when Peng barged in with the butcher’s knife, as the group was about to try and calm Peng down, he’d suddenly used that butcher’s knife, and started hacking down the woman, and the knife had sliced her face, she’d cried out in pain and run toward the inside of the house.

Another sixty-six year-old woman, Chiu attempted to stop the pursuits, she was attacked by Peng on her head, and all that the three individuals can do was to run out of the house to call the cops for help; inside the residence, Peng chased after Peng, and hacked her two more times on the back of her neck, Peng went into hiding in the bathrooms, and locked the doors from inside the bathrooms, ended up losing too much blood, by the time she was taken to the hospital, and died.

As Peng committed the murder, he’d escaped leisurely with the knife, at around four in the afternoon yesterday, he showed up at a wholesales mart close to Zhudong Train Station, the police rushed over and subdued him, and found the knife he used to hack Peng to death with.

At the preliminary questioning, the police found, that Peng had been out of prison for a little over a year, and borrowed money from the victim, and the motives of the murder were suspected to have been related to the money he borrowed from Peng, but there are still the details the police are checking into currently.

And so, this is still more than likely, a build up, perhaps, the woman had pressed the man too many times, and it’d finally, made him crack, and maybe, he planned to pay her back, but just didn’t have everything that he’d owed to her, but this man got angered, and, hacked the woman to death, and he deserved to get charged with murder, it’s just, that when you think about how this woman died, for trying to have this man whom she’d loaned the sums to, it was, so totally, not worth it!

In the best interests of our children, or, is it now???  After we’re, divorces, let’s, get into it, in court, and yeah, you’ll be hearing from MY lawyer!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

How do we decide, what’s in the “best interests of the underage children” had always been a difficult question to answer correctly.  Based off of the old societal rights 1089, it’d mandated that the paternal rights come first, so most of the right to custody went to the fathers of the children, and, the law was declared unconstitutional back in 1994 by the grand justice, and in 1996, the legislative department passed the amendments, with the specifications of “the best interest of the child”.

At first in the cases, the courts normally gave the right of custody to the mother using the children are best raised by the mothers, and this had gained a ton of criticism, for instance, the beliefs of how men can’t take care of children is strictly biased, and that it may deepen the sexist stereotypes.  And, to avoid running into the matters of faults from the previous, the courts started using the principles of “shared custody”, “primary caretaker”, continuation of care (with the least alters) as the principles, and, it may have covered every aspect, but, it’s quite, confusing, and, in the cases of custodies, these rules may cause the courts to miss the point, to have troubles giving the custody to a particular parent, with the lacks of safety and security of life to the child.

Thus, the Family Matter Laws passed in 2012, giving a larger investigation means to the courts, using the parental education means, counseling, and the processes of legal guardians, also, considering the wishes of children who were still minors, the scholars stated that because of these, the family court justices became the mediators to assign the resources, that the justices should help the individuals, to rebuild their families back up.  and, because of how there’d been incidence of parents kidnapping the children due to not wanting to give up custody, there’s the amendment of “the parents’ infringements of the rights of another party’s attempts to fulfill the rights of the minor children”, to prevent the parents from getting their kids first so they can have the sole custodies.

uh, can someone say…”collateral damage” here???

who would you chose, little one??? photo from online

The professors of N.T.U, and Taiwan University of Education confirmed from the analysis of the data they’d collected, that the courts used the three primary keys of “primary caretaker of the children” and “the children’s will”, “parent-child interactions” as determinants of custody, which showed, that the courts had become, in synch.  And, the cores of the family courts went from checking the facts, to becoming more of a mediating means, to see if the parents are willing to work together, for the benefits of their own young, after all, children are NOT a prize to be won, and, the paternity suits should never be an all-win/all-lose situation.

From the singer, Wang and his wife Lee’s divorce to custody, and the more recent, Italian merchant fighting over custody of children with the flight attendant, Jeng, everybody feels bad, for the children who got, caught up in the middle of these divorces.  The line from the movie, “Marriage Story”, “the criminal lawyers see the good side of bad guys, the divorce attorneys see the ugly sides of good people”; the parents who are divorced should contemplate again, and again, and again; the kids’ needs and wants aren’t, necessarily the same, or maybe, the complete tolerances the two of you show toward each other, that love you still show your own young, may be, the only answer to help your children grow up as best as they possibly can.

And so, it normally becomes a he-say/she-say, on the matter of custody, in the best interest of the child, especially if you’re, just right after your divorces, and still angered toward one another, for whatever mistakes you two had made in your marriages, you’d easily, scapegoat onto your own children, and they are, at this time, in need of their parents, the most, but hey, the two of you adults are too busy, going after one another’s throats, fighting in court, having your children choose in front of the judge, the jury (and they’re all getting, executed by you!), who they want to live with, who they like best, mommy, or daddy!

I Turned Around, to Look for that Child You Used to Be

I turned around, to look for that child you used to be, and, I can’t find her, where did she go, huh?  Where’s that baby girl of mine, who always gets, so very, animated, excited to see me, huh?  Oh right, she’d been DEAD, since her childhood years, my bad!

 I turned around, to look for that child you used to be, and, all I see, was that long winding path of the ashes of the dreams I’d broken and burned down for you, and now, it’d, finally dawned on me that maybe, I didn’t do right by you (uh, ya think???).

what you hoped, you could see

but this was, nonexistent, a mirage…photo from online

I turned around, to look for that child you used to be, where had she gone, I recalled that girl in her younger years, who’d, always, become excited when I get home, the one who gave me a hug and a kiss goodnight, the one whose childhood, I’d, missed out on, because I was, never there.

And now, I longed for her affection, I longed for those, goodnight kisses of hers……………

I turned around, to look for that child I used to be, and you know what I saw?  Nothing, but the ghostly memories of my abuse of childhood, and I’m, already done with that, say???  Over a DOZEN years ago to date, so, take that, why don’t ya!!!

The Room that’s Filled Up with the Feel of Home

A mother who’d never been there when you were growing up, and you’d, realized that the painting you’d made was only, make-believe, translated…

“Ahhhhhhhhhh, I’d, forgotten, something”, sitting in the car, I suddenly, recalled.

“What is it?”, dad inquired.

“nothing, it’s no big deal”.

I’d forgotten, to tear that painting off.

Fifteen days ago, I entered into the quarantine hotel.  After I’d finished my work abroad, after thinking long, I’d still, decided, to return back to Taiwan, after all, this is an era, when travels don’t feel like an adventure anymore.  The hotel room had everything in it, the quilt, soft and fluff, the T.V. channels, all there, it’s just, that the spaces are, cramped, in front of the T.V., there’s only room for me to walk for exercise, the rest of the space, are for walking across, to and from.

The first two days, I’d spent in the jet lag, drowsiness.  Sometimes, I’d, video chatted with dad, still that same yellow jacket in the color of the markings of the road that he’d worn, I’d told him, I’d wondered what was happening to the cacti, then, he’d, turned the screen to the balcony to show me, and they were all, showing off their glows, with the last ray of the sun coming from their backs, oh, how I wanted to, pinch them.

I’d suspected that the air-conditioning was malfunctioning, starting on the fourth day of my stay, I can’t help but keep shivering on.  Switched from twenty-six to twenty-eight degrees, didn’t make much difference.  I’d started moving around, to exercise a bit, and after I sweated it all out, it’d felt, even, colder.  There was a memory of me when I was quite young, lying on the bed at home, and I just kept, quivering on; my mother sat by my bed, like the textbook stated: took my temperature, wiping the sweat away, feeding me the water, stayed up all night long to look after me.  And the feel of that chill from being ill from way back when, was coming back to me now.

Day six, other than the temperature of the room that’s off, I’d begun worrying about work.  I’d opened up the files of my job outlook offers, deleted them, plus, on the west side of where I was, came the scent of cigarette, and the screams that came suddenly from the east side of where I was staying, the juices of anxiety came overflowing out of the tub, seeping up into the entire room, and all I could do was to climb up onto that window that’s high up, and, stuck out my hands, and yet, I can only get that tiny bit of sunshine.  Ahhhhhh, warmth.

illustration from UDN.com

I’d asked the deliveryman to bring me the art materials, the papers, and at first, I’d started drawing out the suns, and, I’d, plastered them onto the wall as I finished each one, but, I’d drawn five, still, not that much change.  So I’d, thought about other things that might get me warmed up, and so, the kitchen of my parents’ home in the afternoon, the lanai of my parents’ home, all came into, view.  Much better now.  By day eight, I’d, drawn my mother, pasted her next to the bed underneath that lamp.  Since I became adult, my mother formally left home, and only maintained in contact on the holidays.  But the way she’d looked after me, was clear as ever, and, I’d, finally gotten out of my quarantine period, keeping that thought of home in my mind.

On the return back, I’d mentioned how I’d remembered falling ill.  And she’d confirmed that I had, gotten ill, that I was, in a panic, but she wasn’t, actually, present in my life by then.

“ahhhh, you were only three years old when that had happened, but, before you were five, it’d been just you and me then.”, I’d fallen silent, for a long, long while.

“Pull over, dad, pull over!”

I’d leapt back out of the car, ran like crazy, found the MRT station, took the cab, rushed back to that quarantine hotel, disregarded the check-in counter, rushed over, grabbed the picture I’d sketched of my mother, torn it all up to pieces.

Not long thereafter, dad arrived too.  I’d found, that the jacket he was wearing, was dusted, but with that, warmth of a yellow glow, the color of goose feathers.

And so, you’d realized that you’re mother was the absentee parent in your childhood, and you’d, longed for her to care for you, but she wasn’t there to look after you, and you’d, held that image of her tender love and care towards you, to carry you through your fourteen days of quarantine, then, you’d realized, that it was all, a lie.