With Mr. KNOW-IT-ALL behind the wheels, we can all kiss the thought of arriving home sooner, goodbye! Translated…
C is zoomed in on the flavors, he’s noted for having tasted everything around the island that’s delicious, there was a pocket list in his brains, and following him, you can, NEVER, go wrong.
But, getting in the car with him, you will get lost, ten times out of ten!
About twenty-five, or was it, twenty-six years ago, on summer day, C who’s a local of Fengshan, with me, from Hsientien in the passenger’s side, with a map, our destination was Chihjing. C told, that visiting Kaohsiung, we must have some roasted squid from Chihjing.
“Turn left at the next light”, I’d dictated.
At the intersection, C made a U-turn.
“Where you going?”
“To Chihjing!”
“Why did you go back?”
“What, didn’t you say to turn left here?”
“But you’d made a U-turn!”
“oh, right!”
Maybe, I wasn’t dictating it clear enough, or maybe, because I’m not a local, or maybe, it was C who’d, lived in Taipei too long……………I’d told myself, to remain calm, to not blame him, that it’s okay if we’d taken a wrong turn, we can, go back to the right way again.
Many years later, in the summers when we had the weekend off, C who’d rented his stay in Hsintien for long, with his hands on the steering wheel, his girlfriend, G in the passenger seat, sliding her cell phone, I, on the back, with my heart, unsettled. We are on the way to the Taoyuan International Baseball Park then, to see the Apes versus the Lions.
what the GPS tells you to do…
“Turn left two hundred meters up ahead”, stated the GPS.
C immediately turned left on the next intersection.
“This is NOT the way to the baseball park!” I’d called out.
“But the GPS says to turn here!”
“that’s on the next intersection, not this one. It just dictated, ‘two-hundred meters up ahead at the next intersection.’”
In twenty minutes time, we were, stuck, in the middle of a rice paddy. Yep, you got it, the place where rice is, planted down, no roads up ahead.
After a series of cuss words came out, C stated, “What bullshit is this GPS, kept telling me to make U-turns, there’s NO place to U-turn here!”
Or maybe, it is, the GPS that wasn’t, precise, enough, or maybe, because, G is only, sliding on her cell phone, not paying attention, or maybe, I should’ve, taken the high-speed rails to the baseball park…………I’d told myself, it’s okay, it was, just, a regular game, and thankfully, as we finally got to the baseball park, there was still, half of the game left for us to watch.
Several years later, on weekday in the summer, after a gathering, the friends started inquiring one another outside the shop, where are you going? You came on the MRT? How do you get back? C told, you guys who live in Muzha and Hsintien, I’ll give you all a lift, it’s on the way.
He had his hands on the steering wheel, I on the passenger side, our friends, Y and D on the back. We drove to the end of Fuxing South Road, turning left onto Xinhai Road, entered into the tunnel, then, we’re, all on our ways home, natural as the breaths we are taking.
Shortly after we exited the tunnels, C suddenly turned left at Wan-Mei Street Section 2.
“Why did you go this way?”, I’d asked.
“I’m taking Y home first”, C responded.
“But, my house isn’t this way!”, Y told him.
“Didn’t you say you live in Wanfang Community?”, C inquired.
“uh, I live in Wanlong!”
Silent.
and yet, you’d, decided to, go, the opposite!
C then began, “ah, it’s the same, this is a shortcut!”
Wanmei Street is a road that winds up a mountain, although it wasn’t twisting and turning like the winding passes into the mountains, but there were, many S turns……the point was, to go to Wanlong, we should’ve turn right at the Xinlong Road eight hundred meters away.
There are, no more, maybes, none of this was the fault of the person on the passenger side, nor was it, the GPS’s fault.
It’s the driver’s fault, because he thought he had the map of the city on the back of his hand, instead, he didn’t, he just thought he knew the way, maybe, he enjoyed being in control, that’s why he’s driving, either way you’d, ridden a long, long, long, long, long (five longs still isn’t quite, long enough!) way, and you’re still not getting home anytime soon, because the driver has his own mind on how to drive you guys home.
And in the end, you still only have your selves to blame for it…
Life, the Obstacle Course 