How we’d, gone after each other’s throats as we just got divorced, then how we’d, switched our ways of interacting with each other, because the children, and realized, that we need to, still be a “family”, to give the kids, a safe home that they can grow up healthy in, even AFTER we’re, no longer, together anymore! Translated…
Finalizing the divorce between my ex and I, wasn’t through the mediations of what we’d come to terms with, and agreed upon, but like the breakups in the soap operas, in the end I’d had to seek out an attorney from Hong Kong, to allow us both, to sit down peacefully, to discuss the custody of our children, and what comes, next.
From before this face-to-face meeting, we were only, willing to, contact through the phones, and the, written correspondences, but, that man who was once, willing to, soften down after a fight with a bowl of beef noodle, the woman who traveled over five hundred kilometers away from her own comfort zone, for love, in that year of using guns, knives, and the words to attack one another, brought out the worst side of us—the screams, the shouts, the cusses, the threats, because the structures of how we’d, interacted.
In the close to a hundred calls we’d had with one another, there’s no, reasonable conclusions, and, back and forth, the discussions we shared zoomed in on how ill-fitted we were as one another’s, partners in marriage, and the distrust became, a huge gap, that presented itself before us, that we simply, can’t, get, across.
illustration from UDN.com
As the switch of our relationship happened, we were separated by the Taiwanese Strait, the communication became more difficult, and it’d, made things go milder between us, from love into hate, then, into, nothing, we’d not imposed our discord onto the kids. And even so, I’d still tried to make those around me, to not care about how selfish I was, in the best interest of my own young, to get my young child of not-yet-two years of age to side with me.
During those days of trials, being understood and empathize by others, was my, best, medicine, I was like a soldier, readying myself for war that came at any moment in time, after the shortened time of recovery I’d needed, I’d, carried that rifle, back to, battle again. We both only remembered, that we carried what’s in the best interests of our separate, selves, as well as for the best interests of the kids, marched on, “pay up the alimony in the total sums of $800,000N.T. all at once, if you want to see the children, please fly to Taiwan.” We’d used, the harshest, the duality of ways, of make one another, give up, it seemed, that whoever uses the worst means, to bring out the darkest parts of who we are, gets to, crack open that champagne bottle of celebrate a victory.
Many years after we’d finally, agreed upon the means of our divorces, through the mediators, we would still find ways, to prod one another, I’d asked him, why he’d not sent me the alimony for the children on time, he’d asked me, why I’d not provided the grade sheets of the academic performances of the children. This is, after many years of, adapting, readjusting, that I’d weathered through in my own life and he’d, weathered through in his own life too, and now, as he’d asked me, “would it be okay, if I send the alimony and child support on a later date?”, I’d told him it would be okay, whenever suits you. As I’d asked if you’d, prepared the birthday present for our young? He’d told me he bought a pair of sneakers, and that I’ll buy a pair for you too.
I guess, we both knew why we’d selected each other to head down that aisle together from before, because, we saw light, and believed it to be, light. As parents, we’d, started asking ourselves, are we doing this, for the benefits of our young, or are we, doing it, for our selves only? What are we, showing to our young, how we are, facing these problems, with a positive attitude? Are we, the role models for them for their own future? That was, for the best interests, of the child. We thought that the kids are the ones needing the protections, when in truth, we are, protecting our refusal to admit to defeat. And we also, must, admit, that children are, braver, and knew what the simplest forms of love is, compared to us, the adults.
And so, this is, how the two of you, changed, adapted to interact with one another, more amicably, after the two of you got divorced, because it’s for the sake of your own young, because you need to set a good example, to show them, that even though our marriage failed, we are, still, a good family to each other, giving your young, a secure home to grow up in.