Remembering back to when it’d, happened, all I felt was, anger, at the time, there’s no, was it me, who’d been at fault? Or, maybe I shouldn’t have been so…………, nope, initially, there as, just, ANGER!
Anger at how he could, betray my trust like that, I was, nice to him by GOD! And, I’d been, showing, more than my share of kindhearted, concern, for that, unknown, stranger, and yet, he took, advantage of my kindness.
Or maybe, I shouldn’t have, worn that t-shirt that had too low a neckline? Nope, it was NOT my fault, that it’d, happened! All I felt was, anger, I got angry how stupid I could be, to be, so fucking, trusting as I’d been (well, that’s, never happenin’ again that’s for sure!).
Then came, that smudge of crimson onto my left breast, and I knew, that it couldn’t have been, caused by that mother FUCKER’s, grabbing me, ‘cuz he’d only, brushed against my breast, and so, that must be, a “tramp brand” then, right? Or maybe, it was, a needed reminder to my self, to NEVER be kind to anybody again!
And, what PISSED me off more, was that mother FUCKER (don’t pardon me here!) still SAT, right he usually had, (didn’t even have a SENSE of SHAME over what he’d done that one!), as he’d, waited for me from time to time.
What was worse, was that mother FUCKER prevented me from interacting with another man whom I used to be on good terms with, and it was because of it (degrading those who’d “damaged” me down), that I couldn’t, act normally, for a little bit, more than, just a while.
My mind, my senses told me it WAS not my fault (and I knew that too!), but, some other “parts” (don’t ask which “parts”…) of me started thinking (yeah, every “part” of me CAN think!) that maybe, I shouldn’t have, dressed in that t-shirt, with that low-cut, neckline.
And, I’d, struggled over this, battling how I can, overcome this, molestation, and, it took me a day or so, until I’d, decided to take a photo of that smudge of crimson on my left upper breast, as DOCUMENTATION, and, I also, went out, with my GUN (my cell phone: with the recording device handy, to capture what the MOTHER fucker said to sexually harass me, only, that I never got to use that!).
I can’t be blamed for this shit, it was not my fault, beside, I wasn’t, dressed more provocatively than I normally had (no, still don’t dress anywhere NEAR that!), it’s just that it was, my turn, to get that wakeup call from REALITY that made me understand: not everybody IS nice, that I must, be on my guards, at ALL times, when I go outside of the house!
Well, learned THAT lesson already.
So, I’d, skipped those phases of denial, bargaining, etc., etc., etc., etc., went from ANGER, to, acceptance, finally.