Watching her mother in her dementia, and hoping, that she will be, easier to care for if she were to become demented in her own, elderly years, translated…
I’d gone out for afternoon tea with my good friend, Fumi, in the chit chat, I’d learned, that just recently, she’d filed for long-term care provisions for her mother-in-law in her nineties who lives alone, at first, her mother-in-law wasn’t pleased with the idea of having unknown persons in her home, later, she’d complained of how the helper wasn’t quick enough, that she would open up her fridge without asking permissions……in a little over a month, she’d, found another helper. Sounded, just like what happened with my own, and the two of us looked at one another, smiled, “maybe, we would be like them when we’re, elderly too?”
Three years ago, my mother had a major surgery, and her health deteriorated, had to go to the hospital multiple times a week, and my youngest sister filed for the long-term care provisions with the city government At first, my mother who was using a cane complained that the caretakers didn’t help steady her when she tried to get around, that they were always on their cell phones, that they’d, dozed off when they should be, watching her, and so, we kept, switching to another, another, and more different, caretakers.
illustration from UDN.com
In the middle of this year, my mother went under the knife again, and she’d become, even more, slow, and as she’d used the walker to help her get her strengths back, she’d gone to the kitchens to make the foods before the caretaker arrives at her home. One day, the caretaker called early in the morn, that my mother suffered burns from cooking up a pot of porridge, I’d rushed to the E.R. immediately, because I didn’t have the fast-scan proof that I don’t have MERS-CoV within three days, I can only, sit outside, watched my mother in her thin shirt on the wheelchair, with that firm look on her face, waiting, I didn’t know if the pains had caused her to lose any sensations, she was, too calm that it’d, made my heart ached.
After she was discharged from the hospitals, her memories clearly, deteriorated, other than claiming she felt healthy, and refused to return to treatment, she’d constantly, nagged about money, and had repeated questions of things, and, as she just had her meals or medications, she’d, forgotten right away, and, denied having done some things that she just, did, she’d started showing signs of, dementia.
One day, the homecare visitor called again, that she’d, rung the bell for a long time, and nobody answered. I’d, rushed over to check. Everything my mother needed, her identification, her keys, her wallet, all there, left, by the doorway, but nobody’s in, and the caretaker looked around in the neighborhood, couldn’t find her, I’d, called up the hospitals, gone to the post office, not found her, and in the end, I’d, called the cops to help. After noontime, my mother finally came back, smiling, claimed that she forgot her purse when she’d gone out, as I was, about, to start grilling her, I saw how her dried up skin on her face, with the wrinkles, showing how much she’d, weathered for us, I’d, swallowed the words back down.
Then, after that, my mother used the excuses of saving the expenses, to stop the home care provisions, complained that the caretaker wasn’t good at cooking, that she couldn’t come and go as she pleased when she wanted to, she’d even, locked her caretaker out. Although I’d understood, that this was her personality, and how she grew up hard, and how she didn’t want us to spend too much money, but, I’d still, not terminated the service. And in the end, all of us got nagged to completely annoyance, and we can only, let go, and, adjusted the time that the caretaker came to her home, to allow her to get around freely, when she’s not going to the hospital.
Ever since, the lines on my mother’s face, softened, like how the physician, Chen’s book, “This Arrangement is for Your Own Good!”, respect, and considering how she felt, the unpressured arrangement of care, maybe, it’s, the best means to care for my mother.
As I entered into my own old age this year, I can’t even, imagine how I will be when I’m, elderly, I can only hope, that I won’t nag, that I won’t be, difficult, that in the future, I get the caretaking that respected my will, that I get to, spend the rest of my years leisurely.
Or so I’d told, my own children, that that is, what I wanted.
And so, this elderly woman is demented, and she became, difficult to handle, because she was still struggling with the terms of how she’s now, in need, of caretaking, and dementia, losing one’s abilities to care for oneself hit those who are, more capable when they were younger the hardest, and it tried their families as well.