The thoughts that stayed, out of the love for his children and families, even as this elderly man became, demented already, from the Front Page Sections, translated…
Entering into August now, other than the Tokyo Olympic that everybody’s zooming in on, as the epidemic slows down, the air of Father’s Day is slowly coming on. Every time this year, I’d always, recalled that father-son pair who came to my treatment clinic. Let me tell about Uncle Lee and his youngest son, Mr. Lee, junior then.
Mr. Lee Junior took his elderly father with Parkinson’s combined with Alzheimer’s for treatment multiple years already, but, recently, after a few months, Mr. Lee would ask me to up his father’s medication, “Dr. Chen, my father’s relapsing again! He needed to be on heavier medications!”
The “relapse” he spoke of, was not unfamiliar to me, because it’d occurred, over the years: uncle Lee would anxiously told that he’s due back at work, that he needed to make the money for his own children, and forgotten his own age, how he isn’t, able to, work anymore based off of his physical, and mental conditions. Lee Junior tried to persuade him to stay at home to rest, but Mr. Lee wouldn’t listen.
And so, Lee Junior came to my clinic, asked me to up the medication for his father, while I’d, hoped, that there are, other ways, this could be, resolved. The first time this “relapse” occurred, I’d discussed with Lee Junior, to lift his father to the care locations, through the interactions in the groups, to help distract, deter Mr. Lee from his stubborn point of focus, and Mr. Lee had, passed through a period of, stabilities for a bit.
But after awhile, Lee Junior came back again, told me, that his father wanted to head out to work. It seemed, that we can’t, rely on the care location any longer then. At this time, the family decided to hire a nurse’s aide, and this surely, calmed Lee’s father down a bit, and reduced the stresses of his children’s looking after him.
It’s just, that as the days passed, Uncle Lee started back up again, and this time, even I felt, helpless, I couldn’t, increase the medications for him anymore, he’s already, at, full-volume. I can’ only, watch Lee go and seek out advice from other physicians, but, their advices, are, similar, to mine, with everybody agreeing, that we can’t treat his father’s situation, with solely, the medications.
Lee is being driven crazy by his own father’s, “relapses”, and came to discuss with me at the clinical sessions, he’d said, with a soured face, “I wish there’s a drug that my father can have, that would, wipe all of his, worries, away, that will, take away his, stressors, otherwise, he’s having a hard time, standing up steadily, walking, and he’d still wanted to, go out and start making a living, to, support us?”
I thought a bit, and inquired, “were you and your family close to poverty-stricken when you were growing up? Did your father work very hard, to provide for you?”
Lee nodded, “so that’s why I love dad, because he’d worked too hard, morning ‘til night, a skilled worker, made enough for a home, to get his three children an education, to help pay for our marriage funds, even to paying for our first down payments of our separate homes too!”
I’d said, “So, your father’s ‘relapse’, isn’t, out of, nowhere then. I think, it stemmed from that deeply rooted worry for you and your families, that it’d, made him forget how he is currently, that he just, wanted to, make more money, to support you and your families. And, if his behaviors are, out of love, and he would have his, ‘relapses’ every now and then, it’s best that you and your loved ones treat it like a sort of a sweetened burden, and, tolerate it more with love, and just spend more time with him, to accompany him, when he does have his, relapses, to distract him, so he isn’t, so set on going out to make a living are.”
As Lee chewed over my words, he’d thought it over, and realized, that this was, way better, than medicating his own father, and so, he’d, looked, more, relaxed then, “doctor, you’re, absolutely right, this was, the proof of love he felt for us, then, I shall not, get fixated on, medicating him to get rid of his memories of it, I’ll find another way, to empathize him, because, I do, love, my old, man too!”
And so, this, is the thing that stayed, in this, elderly man’s mind, his love for his families, and he was, driven to, provide for his families from when he was younger, and now, even as he is demented, he’d not, forgotten how he needed to, provide for his children and wife, and the son was able to, gain an understand, of why his father was being, “difficult” and, with this empathy, he could, cope with his father’s telling him repeatedly, that he needed to go work and to provide for them then.
Life, the Obstacle Course 