The Expressions of, Love

As the parents age, and the kids needed to feel closer to them, translated…

M’s father became mildly demented of late, and lately, he’d remembered, less and less, and less still.  M had felt, awful, that she couldn’t, stay at home and accompany her own, father.

As M got home, she’d started, asking her father the questions: does he remember who she is?  What’s her name?  Who she was to her own, father?  Like all the curiosities she’d ever had, finally, found their, uses suddenly.

Sometimes it’d get awkward, or that her father would get angered.  Sometimes, she’d felt, really, anxious.  M asked me, how would she start, holding conversations.

I’d asked M what she’d hoped to achieve.  She’d wanted to, slow down the process of deterioration of her own father’s mind, to help her own father, remember………

All of M’s sorrows, all came, flooding outward.

The key to curiosity is connections, not to fulfill one’s own, expectations, nor to, interrogate, others.

I’d not consoled with M, nor did I, keep prodding her, only allowed M, to be nearest, to her own feelings of, sorrow……

After a long pause, M asked me what she should do.

I’d asked M what she’d wanted to achieve.  Did she want to know how to better care for herself?  To face and interact with her own father?

M asked, if I were in her shoes, how would I, cope?

If it were me, I would, take a note of my psychological states, take care of my self, to see what I’m feeling on the inside?  If I have the unfulfilled expectations toward my self?  How do I plan to let go, or to, fulfill this lacking I feel? 

M asked me, what then, after she took care of her own self?  How would I, face my own, father?

My father passed away at age ninety-two, he’d not left any baggage behind for me, he was well aware, still healthy in his mind, when he’d died, so I can, only, imagine.

I’d shared the story of K, and am in awe, at how K interacted in the situations.

As he saw his own mother, he’d automatically, called out his own name to let her know it’s him, to not make his own mother felt awkward: “Mom, I’m your son, I’m K!” 

K’s mother is optimistic in nature.  When K spends time with his mother, it’s like he’s, entertaining his mother, playing the games of her childhood with her, K cherished these moments as they were occurring, and, his mother too.

As I’d heard K shared, I’d felt moved.  K knew his own mother is aging quickly, that their days of being mother and son are, limited, there’s sorrow inside of K too, but K took advantage of his time with his own mother.

As M heard, she was, moved to tears, over how K had the heart to accompany his own mother as she ages.  But, M had her own difficulties in accompanying her father.

When M is at home with her own father, other than paying mind to her father’s daily living routines, needs, she’d not known what she is to do with her own father.  And, after awhile, it’d become, burdensome to her, but she’d also felt guilty, for leaving her own father be.

A few days ago, a friend called me, and also had the same troubles, wanting to show concerns and care for the loved one who’d lost a spouse, but felt that he’d not known how to relate, how to interact with the individual, so he sat on the couch, watching T.V. feeling, ambiguous about himself.

The companionship with the quality needs to fulfill the requirements of connection to oneself, then, connecting to others.

K’s being able to entertain his mother, bringing joys to them both, this is, a good sort of, connection.

When my father is still alive, the family gathered by the week, I’d sat down and chat with him almost every day, knowing, that he’s, elderly, I’d wanted to, just, be with him, and so, every time we’d interacted, I’d, become, the more focused, focused on looking upon my father, listening to him, focused on what he’s telling me, that sparked my, interests, focused on, showing my gratitude toward, my own, father………

I’d sat down and listened to him for fifteen minutes every single day.

I’d become, very focused in what he was telling me, and he took very focused, on telling me, as I wrote to here, the images all surfaced, and they’re all of, warmth.

I’d asked M to take care of herself more, it’s hard enough, to be related as father and daughter in this life, to express her love for her father.

To focus on that handshake greeting when she goes to see him, saying to him, “I’m here to see you!”, “I miss you!”, “I rushed over, just to see you!”, “Dad, thank you, you once……which is, very, important to me.”  “Dad, I love you so very much.”, “Dad, let me look at you, more closely!”

Just express it all.

Focus, on your, expressions.  This doesn’t need to take too much time, let the two hearts exchange, this overflow of love can give the two of you strengths you need.

Just express, the love.

Yeah uh, this would be, so very easy, if you weren’t ABUSE or NEGLECTED by your own parents, isn’t it?  And, because this writer grows up in the era where the parents use physical discipline on their children to MAKE them behave, that’s why it’s easy for him, to forgive his own father for what he’d done, in raising him, and, being raised by his father alone, that made him ever the more, appreciative toward his own father, and, given these circumstances, it would be, easier, for the child, to get close to the parents who are now, aging, and needed the care and concerns, but this will NEVER work, for someone who’d been abused and neglected by her/his own parents, unless, the individual is, STUPID, which I am not, and this is on how the child tries to reconnect with her/his own father as he’d become, older, to get that intimacy they’d lacked from before back again.