How this married couple learned to work together as one instead of two individuals in love and marriage, they’d become, one whole family unit here! Translated…
Thinking on it, the two of us deciding on “distance living”, it’s our practice for, getting into thinking as one unit of a family.
In the long running process of a marathon sort of a romance we started, we’d learned to accompany one another, how to take care of our selves, using a more mature method, to show cares and concerns we feel toward one another, these obstacles became, a building of the trust of the foundations of our, marriage with one another. We’d agreed, that in the marriage, we shall, always support one another to be “our own selves”; but the realities of “starting a family”, it’s not solely on caring for the emotions that we have separately, but we’d needed to rely on the build up of our communal resources, to return to a “unit” of a “whole family” in practice.
On the matter of “why we decided to live apart from one another as newlyweds”, it’d stemmed from the discussions of our separate dreams long ago; that dream wasn’t on his going abroad to work, but my longing to study abroad. “Leaving” surely brings about, the highly priced, investment, it’s also, a sharp adjustment of our ways of living. For this, we’d, discussed the matters repeatedly with our families, negotiated, debated the matter, and found two areas of focus, one being, “clarifying the needs and the mindset”; second, the “inventories of the resources, and the risk-assessment analyses”.
how they’re, starting off in life together…
Finally, we’d, set up a common thought: maybe, the goals of why we want to go abroad isn’t the primary point, but how we’d, hoped we can have the ability to do it, and the experiences of it. Whether me or him, we’d, supported that one of us step out, even if the unknown is what we will have to face in our lives.
Between us, in the end, he’d received the opportunities to work in Japan; but, if we’d had to, start off this “investment of our family” right, we can’t rely on the simple, romance, we’d needed the assessment of what would be practical for us. Our peers in the family, my younger sister and brother-in-law, at this time, gave us the guidance we’d desperately, needed to have.
In their assistance, we’d tried calculating our costs openly. As we’d started assessing the “costs of spending”, we’d understood, that this wasn’t, a short-term sort of an arrangement, and so, we’d, set aside the categories of “costs” as needed, including the costs for transportation, the spending needs of our two separate homes, and set up a new goal for saving up the money.
This strategic method underwent through the discussions, the practices over, over, over, and over again, comparing to how in the past we just spoke of the matters of “dreams” on our lips, our ideals, our longings for the emotional supports from one another; “living separated”, it’d made us have a more practical view of how to set up a family for us that can work. While the “investments of the self” is ongoing, we’d, seriously assessed the risks, and made sure that we are both in agreeance when the rules were, set up and agreed upon; the hint that our loved ones gave to us, actually became, quite precious, very useful to us.
This process gave me a brand new belief of what “starting a family” meant. “Making it work” is not just on the feelings of being cared of, of being loved, but facing up to the realities in our lives, and, tackling the obstacles together; while “respect” occurs in a more practical sort of means. “Together as one” sounded cliché to me in the past, but now I’d come to understand, that “being together” isn’t one of us, giving in to the requests, the demands of the other, but together, we make up the rules that we can make work as a whole.
in, for the long, haul…
As the risks of the outbreaks, and the uncertainties of our futures came forth, we are, more than lucky and blessed, to have enough energies to face up to these challenges, and cope with everything that’s currently happening in our lives. In the world of uncertainty, talking about “dreams” became, an extravagance we can’t afford, being safe and sound is a blessing on its own, so how can we not feel, grateful over it.
And so, this, is how the two of you grew more mature as individuals, and then, as a couple together in marriage, because you two set up the minds of making things work, and, you two were on the same page on a lot of things, shared your beliefs about what’s important, and you will keep on, working through your minor disagreements, carrying this sort of an attitude into your marriage, living apart or together, you are, destined to, make it work to last.
Life, the Obstacle Course 