The Employer Phobia

The nightmares, that continued, even AFTER her father passed, after the nurse’s aides had, left and been, “switched hands”, and you can see, the compounding pressure this woman was under, translated…

I’d Thought, that as My Father Got His Wish to Return Back to His Hometown, He’d Be Happier, but, a Few Days Later, He’d Hidden His Own Wallet & Accused Xing for Stealing it, and Hit Her Head with His Cane……….

A Master in Conflict Resolution at Work, But Couldn’t Resolve the Problems in His Own, Home

Having worked in the hospital setting for twenty-one-years, I’d sorted through the matters of medical negligence, and most were all resolved, no problem, only the role of “employer” that I was forced to take up, that’s, gotten me, tried, I’d often grown ashen in the face, couldn’t sleep through the nights.  And the reason of this being, I have a, father who knows how to get on, everybody’s, nerves, along with the nurses’ aides who didn’t have their heads in the game, and, there would be the shocks that needed me to constantly be there, to help sort through.

Since I could remember, my father’s tempers were, difficult to handle, and my mother who’s gentle and obedient had gotten beaten by him to hospitalization quite often.  As I was taken the academic portions of my college entrance I’d come up north to stay, and accidentally found, that my father was, handing money to the daughter of a neighbor, I’d never taken a cent from him, fallen silent, but, I was, fuming inside. I caught my father in his affair, he was ashamed, and turned, angry, immediately he’d, gone into the kitchen, took out that butcher’s knife, and chased after me, and I was so thrilled I’d run to stay with the classmate who was there for the exams with me, and as I’d returned home, saw my mother, I’d started, wailing aloud.

illustration from UDN.com

Back then, the enlistment promotional footages are all around, I’d worried that my father might come back home, and make trouble for us, so I’d, entered into the medical school of the National Defense Academy, became the only Taiwanese from my local elementary school who’d gone into the military academy, and I’d, hoped that I can, find an alternative place for my mother to live in when I am able.  And yet, on the year I’d graduated, my mother, passed away, my three older brothers live abroad, and, my father was in the hospital for the operating procedures on and off, and he was able to get treated for free, from my armed services status, and I’d, looked after him, for a whole of, two, three decades’ time total.

The Nightmares of Climbing Trees from the Enormous Pressures of Caring for My Father on Their Own

One day my father told me happily, that his new girlfriend had made him soup every single day, I’d consoled him, “You have hypertension and diabetes, you can’t eat so well, you’ll get a stroke!”, and my words became, prophetic, a month later, he had a stroke, and the woman he lived with, vanished, into, thin air, and yet, she’d called in the middle of the nights, harassing him for money, and when my father wouldn’t give to her, she’d threatened to break up, and it’d, made my father urgent, in selling the house, my older brothers disagreed, and I, who was caring for him, became, their, TARGET!

I’d gone to the hospital to visit my father three times a day, and, as I just, set foot into my own home, the phone calls from him, cussing me out came, to the point that I’d become, insomniac, felt like a giant rock, compressed against my bosoms, and I couldn’t, breathe.  One night, I’d dreamed that I was back home, my father was that elderly with a cane, and no matter where I’d hidden myself in the village, he could, always, find me in a split second.  And, seeing how the hiding spots of my childhood’s hide-and-seek was found, I’d, panickily, climbed up that tree to hide, and, as he’d found me, our eyes locked, I’d felt, so scared, and then, I woke up!

And the following day, my eldest sister-in-law in the U.S. called, and, noted how I dreamed that I’d, climbed a tree to hide out, that I was, clearly, on the verge, of a, mental breakdown, she’d had my eldest brother come back to Taiwan to take care, and in my high school teacher’s introductions, I’d finally, placed my father in the recently opened nursing home in Chingshui, and I’d turned, into the employer of a hired foreign nurse.

The Situations were Multivariate, a Call Made Me Rush Home

The very first hired nurse was from Thailand, Xing, petite in frame, always wore a smile on her face, having been working in Taiwan for three years already, she’s, fluent.  I’d thought that my father’s moods would be better as I took him back home, but, in a few short days, he’d, started, hiding his wallet, and accused Xing for stealing his money, and he’d even, hit her on the head with his cane, injuring her, called that he wanted to call the cops, the agency, to switch another caretaker, and, we’d, rushed home to take care of it, and on the freeways, we were speeding too fast, got pulled over twice by the freeway patrols.

My father had a difficult temperament, every time he’d gone to the nursing homes, he’d, stuffed his trunk up with the treats, and, handed them out to everybody he’d come across, thanked everybody for looking after him, and on his birthday, he’d even, hosted a banquet for all the residents, and had, rewarded Xing often.  Xing told me gratefully, “Ma’am, you’re too kind, I’d gained five kilograms in these past two months!”, and yet, as my father saw how well Xing had been eating, how her meal plan was way better than his, diabetes diet, started giving her troubles, and, I can only, switch her out.

As Xing left, came the Vietnamese, Hong, she’s very articulate, and my father loved her as his nurse, but not long thereafter, I’d received a call from the home, said that Hong stole from other residents.  And, as we finally rushed to the nursing home, Hong had already, flipped over the walls, with her luggage, ran away, and so, we’d started, apologizing to the elderly men whose things got stolen by her, and reported the matter to the cops, and, called up the agency, demanded that they find her back for us.

The final caretaker was Pearl, an Indonesian woman, she’s very quiet and well-behaved, and my father didn’t make any troubles for her, and he’d told me, “I’m so grateful for you to look after me!”, and this, was the time I’d felt, that everything I’d weathered had been, more than, worth it.

What’s tragic was, that my father choked on a sticky rice ball during Winter Solstice, and the nurses were worried I might sue the hospital, Ling was afraid of getting returned back to her country again, everybody was crying at the hospital, while I’d, consoled, “you’d done the best you both could, just be more attentive next time!”, the families blamed me, I’d not blamed anybody, as a nurse, I’d, chosen to, forgive, after all, caring for the patient, that, is the task, at hand.

As my father passed, I’d left the status of an employer then, and, the panics from needing to handle the assortment of the situations that those hired nurses faced with, it’d taken me, a long while, to finally, stop having those, nightmares.

And so, this, is the trials that the primary caretakers face, in taking care of an elderly person, and it would be, difficult, especially when the elderly person is so difficult, like this woman’s, father, and, there were the multitudes of situations that this woman had to go and deal with when the hired nurses got into trouble too, and, it’s no surprise, that she’s still, having nightmares about it, even up to now.