The Trials & Tribulations of Parents with a Child with Autism

Helping an autistic child reach her/his full potentials in her/his life, this is what these parents had done, to help their own autistic son grow up happy, and healthy, best as they can!  Translated…

As my older son started preschool at age three, I’d originally thought, that it’s going to be a smooth ride from here on out, and yet, things never happen, as you planned!  On his first day, my son had, slapped the woman in charge of the preschool across the face, on the second, he’d, smacked at his teacher’s arms, then, he’d stood for an entire week at the back of the class, refused, to sit himself back down, no matter how the teacher asked and coaxed him to.  The early childhood education suggested that we take him for an evaluation at the hospital, and after the series of tests were completed, the diagnosis of “mildly autistic”, “developmentally delayed” and “fine muscles not developed properly” came, as I read the diagnosis, I’d felt sad, and awful for my young son, I’d kept everything locked inside, until the night, then I finally, couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Before the world slapped a label onto him, we’d never imagined our child to be autistic.  We’d only thought that he’d started talking a bit later, a bit more dependent on us, harder to put to bed is all, a bit, too, easily angered.  Because his speech delays, it’d caused him to upset and start screaming, or used his nails and scratched me hard.  And sometimes, as he saw the ceiling, he’d felt scared, and run to my lap to hide, or told me, “a scary old man in the baby buses”, and stories like these.

illustration from UDN.com

Knowing his own special needs, our eldest lacked the self-confidence.  His language and social impairments, it’d made him want to make friends, but didn’t know how to, as he’d leaned on the shoulders of his classmates, they’d either told him to get off, pushed away, and he’d sometimes gotten pushed to hitting the walls to bruising and injury.  And slowly, his smiles, they’d, vanished.  And yet, I’m still more than glad that we’d found his condition early in life, and accepted that our eldest is, a special needs child.  My husband left his high-paying job, became a columnist with more free time at his disposal, the two of them, father and son, started, the day of, catching on to the early intervention trains.  Every time we too our son to class, he’d, improved a little bit, the accumulations of each and every time, it’d, shortened the differences between him and his other classmates.  As the classes were over, the two of them would head to the cafés for their, afternoon tea, and my son would get a box of Lego as a reward.  My husband would be writing, my son, putting together the Lego pieces, and he’d started, honing up on his fine motor movement skills.  And, he was better than children his age at making the Lego models, he’s very happy about that.

My husband loved Major League Baseball, and our son got affected by him, loved it too, on the weekends, we’d gone to the school fields to play.  For him to get better adapted to life in middle school, we’d moved into a simpler community, in sixth grade, he’d transferred to a new school, my son got into the baseball team there.  Because he grew taller, his muscles increased, he’d become, the best hitter of his team, as the special education class younger classmates saw him out on the fields, they’d, hoorayed for him every single time, and his face, glowed.  It’s just, that as he returned to the regular classes, his face became, gloomy, once more.

After he’d entered into middle school, because how tall he’d grown, the classmates would find him to play basketball from time to time.  They’d talked about baseball, movies, games, the presidential election, along with shared the cold jokes too.  And slowly, he was able to, hone the skills of interaction with others, and he would help his classmates buy their snacks at the school shop too, letting his classmates borrow his supplies to show friendliness.  I can clearly feel, that he is, happy, in school.

Looking back at those days, now, I’d known to smile on them!  Those days of companionship I’d shared with my son, it’s, the present for us both, and, I’d, cried for, nothing from all those years before!  For fifteen years, I’d gone from sadness, defeat, lost, to growth, getting better with time, and this is what my eldest son taught me:

1. Autism is NOT an illness, it’s just a characteristic of personality.  Don’t feel sad, angry, or ashamed, only by accepting the arrangements of fate, will you find that happy life.
2. Facing the trials together as a couple, don’t point the fingers on the genetics, this is pointless, and it will only, hurt the both of you.  do remember, a harmonious family is most important, it’s, that stable force.  The children with autism are especially sensitive, when there’s something going on in the house, they will know it immediately, and would show by acting more agitated and unsettled.  Having parents with optimism, and are more positive will help the child reduce the distance between the world and her/himself.
3. If the child gets trap inside her/his own world, do empathize with her/him, allow the child more time.  Don’t force her/him, NEVER physically discipline, or verbally reprimand.  Talk to your child more, as s/he thought things through thoroughly, then, s/he will, come back out and face it.
4. Using what the child loves, music, movies, food, or trips, to lure him out of the hole, make her/him feel, that this world is still, a very interesting place, with a lot of fun that s/he can, experience.
5. Children with autism may be allergic, with weaker stomach.  And so, we tried feeding him the foods that aren’t, processed, without the additives.  The produces which you suspect had pesticides like the legumes, broccoli, broil them with water first.  And remember, always, to broil the water completely before drinking, and you can give your child with autism some cold drinks, some sweet drinks every now and then, after all, keeping the child happy, is most important.  Not too much foods with too much sugar, that will help their moods to stabilize.  The clothes need to be breathable, of a more comfortable material, if you can, take your child to select what s/he wants to wear.  The shampoos, the shower gels, choose the least stimulating kinds.  And remember, to use moisturizing cream after bath or shower.  But an air-purifier, to help their bodies feel more comfortable, it will make them feel better physically, and they will, sleep better too.  The living environment needs to be cleanly, dust mite removal regularly.  When going out, a mask is a mask (if your child doesn’t object to it).
6. Their souls are especially clear, and transparent, and they can see things that we usually can’t.  When your child feels scared, do believe her/him, hold your child in your arms, bear hug her/him, make her/him feel, protected.  Never tell her/him: “stop telling tales!”  If your child is completely hysterical, you can call out her/his name, to temporary block out what’s making her/him losing control.  To make your child feel safe again, so s/he can return to that state of calm once more.
7. The quality of being too stubborn, plus the troubles with verbal expressions, causing them to get stuck, and when they feel anxious, they are easy to lose control, to the point of unable to stop themselves from their tantrums.  Just give your child a pat, hug her/him, tell her/him: “I know you’re upset right now.”  Give the child the options, help her/him to clarify the cause of why s/he is throwing the tantrum: are you hungry now?  Do you want water?  Do you not like this place?  Do you not like how your clothes feel on you?  Is someone looking at you?…………only knowing what the problem in the now is, can you two, face whatever it is bothering your child.
8. No need to evade the fact that s/he is special needs, everybody is unique.  Use the illustrated books to help guide your child, have her/him find a quality in her/himself that’s different from the rest of the other children s/he comes into contact with, to help her/him build up self-confidence.
9. Chat with her/him often, bedtime is when s/he lets her/his guards down, easier for you to get into her/his mind then.
10. Hugging, back scratches, massaging the tummies and scalp, to help reduce the sensitivity in her/him.  The heat from the palms can help the child feel more at ease, more relaxed, to help her/him fall asleep easily.
11. Set up a schedule for life, once it’s set up, it’s for life.  Must be patient and communicate with the child, and set up the schedules together.
12. Help your child understand, that s/he can be, different, but with the basic courtesy to interact with others around her/him in the world, to train the child to comply with the rules of her/his school.
13. If allowed, give her/him a younger sibling.  They usually love their families a whole lot, and having a sibling helps the autistic children learn empathy, to stimulate their learning process, to help them grow, and they can also learn how to love others.

The trials and tribulations of the parents’, is to set up a strong psyche, so you won’t get beaten down by the labels of society, that way, you can be the strength of support your children need.  Developmentally delayed, just give him more time to learn, we are all learning in our lifetimes!  Using all your patience to accompany your child, tell her/him often, “you can do it!”  “You’re amazing!” “Believe in yourself!”  and one day, your child will eventually, adapt, can understand, and set up her/his own tiny little universe, and that sense of order that s/he needs in her/his own life.

And so, even though the conditions of autism has no cure, there are, ways, to help the autistic individual fare better in the world, the support from the families is a must, and, socializing your child with autism, slowly get him into the world, introduce the world to him, in smaller parts, so everything doesn’t all happen at once for your child to take in, and, just be there for your special needs child, loving her/him, and, surely enough, you will be able to raise that well-adapted special needs child!