With a child with Asperger’s in the family here, translated…
So many times, I got, hit by, the tails of the storms, and it’d, already made me understood, how to, protect myself, in these, adverse, weather, conditions, popped up my umbrella, and this place, it’s, my tiny piece of, solace, putting on my raincoat, and rainboots too, I know, I’m, ready, for everything, how about you?
On that day, sixteen years ago, you’d cried to me, told me, “teacher, you’re so mean, I want to go home to mom, I don’t want to come to school anymore”, and later, you’d, refused to come to school again, no longer came to school at all, back then, you’d, planted the landmines all around you, the term “class” became, that fuse, and in order to help you return back to what was the “norm”, we’d always, had to, engage, in that, difficult, tug-of-war daily, tried everything we can imagine, but, nothing worried once. And you, you were angered, your raspy screams, kicking the walls, making the loud thuds and bangs, kept resonating in my ears, it’d, never stopped coming, everything you can get your hands on, you’d, broken, shattered, the door got kicked broken by you, you’d, bitten your mother’s hand to injury……you’d, gone, mad.
And every time, after the thunder-sounding anger had, come to past, came the rain of tears. Who did those screams of anger came from? It was you. Whose tears were they? Mine. I’d cried, for you, who are, different than the rest, for this family that can’t make me feel, secure, and it’d made me ask myself, “would the saplings that were, fertilized with the tears grow up int, a harvest?”, and my answer was: unknown. Because the answer to this, we must, write down, as a, whole, family.
Back then, you were diagnosed as “severely emotionally troubled” and “Asperger’s Syndrome”, with that hard-to-peel-off label, and the gossips, whispers from everybody else around us, it’d become, this unseen pressure, like we were, all carrying, those huge rocks, and they’re, weighing us all down, leaving us without, enough air inside, our lungs.
I once saw mom lost control, started crying out loud in the room, heard daddy cussed out, and felt my own, anxiety, all the way, even though, we’d, bumped into things, fallen time and time again, faced a ton of difficulties, but the special eds instructor were behind us, all the way, when we were lost, giving us a place to go emotionally, so we can have the courage, to raise a different child like, you.
And, in a blink of an eyes, the dozens years of wars and battling nonstop had, come to pass, and this road that drove us to the edges of pressure, and close to breaking down, already implanted deeply, into, our, minds, it’d not vanished, with the passing of time. But we’d still, walked through, more than a decade, the roads are still quite long for the futures, and I’m sure, there are, even more obstacle on our ways, but I believed, that we all, have what it takes, to conquer the trials of our lives for the futures. At this point, let’s, put that, “comma” in, it’s not ended yet, because, we’re still, writing, our, stories, together.
And so, this, is just, a TINY portion, of the trials of having a child with Asperger’s, the parents went from the start of, getting angry, blaming each other for what they couldn’t control, to finding ways, testing using trial by error, to find a way that works in relating to their young with Asperger’s, and they still have a long way to go, but at least, they’re, all moving forward, slowly, but they are, surely, moving along…