Who Do You Want as Your Mom?

Interactions with her son who has Asperger’s, the interesting things that comes up in their day-to-day life together, translated…

As a young child, I’d, often imagined, “if so-and-so’s mom is my mom, that would be, wonderful………”, then, there would be that schema that played on inside my mind, of how someone else’s mom became mine, and, how we’d, interacted, warmly with, each other.  But I’d never told my own mother of this.

My first-year high school son is diagnosed with Asperger’s, and at any moment in time, he always, expressed himself, in the group work in school, his classmates loved being in his group, because he’d, brought a ton of collected points to the group, and yet, as soon as classes are over his classmates, all, strayed farther away, his conversation can anger a lot of people.

photo from online

I’d long-term, engaged in verbal wars with my son, and slowly, I’d, gained some wisdom, in this sort of interactions, he could, BREAK my past beliefs of what was ordinary usually.

It was four in the afternoon on Wednesday, it was the time for my son’s treatment sessions at the hospital.  At five sharp, he’d, pushed through the therapist’s door, walked out, “Ahhhhhhhh, it’s a miracle, that I’d, lived to this age, with you!”  he’d, parked beside me, tossed these words out, and suddenly, I’d felt, that many knives got, shot into my body!  We’d engaged for so many years on end, I’d, already, acquired the needed skills, to engage in combat with him, and I’d, asked him, casually, why he’d stated so?

“Even Dr. Chen played the War of the Three-Worlds, and you don’t even know what it is………”, there was, that look of belittlement on his face toward me.

From before, I’d played the cell phone games, at first, I’d wanted to, understand, why were these games so, attractive to children, wanted to, get my son and I closer to each other; when I couldn’t find the time, I’d had him gone out to my vegetable garden to bring in the harvest, and he was more than willing too, it’d felt, that I was, getting, closer to him then; but, in half a month, I’d found my mind, trapped inside the cell phone games, and one night, I’d, deleted the game, and, came back out, into, the real world, from the virtual…………

illustration off of UDN.com

To improve the relationship, I’d, wasted my time, on things that I hated, on the surface, I’d, “sacrificed” for him, but he’d hated how I’d always stated, “I’m doing all of this for you!” he said, “This is, the dirtiest, the most, disgusting things you can say to me!”

“Oh?  So, your mom needs to play the cell phone games then?  Then, how about, have Dr. Chen be your mom?”, I’d asked him.

Without a second thought, he’d, blurted out, “NO!” clear and calm, back to his the Wars of the Tri-Nations again, and clearly, the good doctor who knew how to play the games, isn’t, an ideal mom for him either.

“Then, who do you want as your mother?”, what is the perfect image of a mother to him then?

“You!”, he’d started, chuckling then.

Then, I’d, smiled too, and, leapt up, and, wrap my arms around is neck, and he’d, extended his right hand, opened up his fingers, and, scratched at me, let out a “meow!”, every time he is happy, he’d be, a cat.

I’d understood one thing, no matter how annoy mom gets, actually, I just only, wanted my mom, to “just be my mom”, nothing more!

So, this woman, found a way, to interact with her own son, who had, Asperger’s, and, she’s, still, working on how to be a good enough mother, who can love her own son right, and through her interactions with her own young, she’d, come to realize, what it was that she’d, needed from her mother, that maybe she’d not received growing up, but now, she can, give it.