Finding Ways to Resolve a Heartache

Finally, shaking LOOSE, of the terrors you had to face, on that, fateful night of, your life!  Translated…

On that night, oh, how I’d, HATED that the adults would rather take the words of the bad guy, and NOT believed the cries out of fear of a young child; would rather, IGNORE the bleeding heart of a young child, in order, to protect, that highly, overrated, reputation.  The helpless, isolated little girl, because of others’ gawks and insults, cried inside her quilt, night, after night, after night, after night.

After middle school, I got out of that place that broke my heart, to Changwha to work as an operator for the umbrella assembly factory alongside my older sister.  One day, a classmate, Chou came to my sister’s home, tried to persuade me to continue my education.  I was shocked, that a little boy from the countryside rode on the greyhound for a couple of hours, spent ALL his savings, and managed to find me in this, distant, desolate, little town.  During that time, it’s, nothing easy, for a child that’s for sure, and, he did it, only to, encourage me to continue my education.  At that precise moment, I’d felt gratitude toward him, but I couldn’t tell him that I will, because I didn’t have the money to continue my own education.

But my classmate, Chou’s word, resonated in my mind.  What does, continuing my education do for me?  How do I go about continuing my own, education?  Then one night, I’d, gotten up, packed a small bag, the following morn, I’d told my older sister, that I’m, leaving.

I’d, spread open the papers, and tried to find my own way in life, headed to a pediatrician’s office to work in Doliou.  After work every day, I’d, gotten cleaned up, started studying, from the first year of middle school, I’d, studied the volumes, one by one, all the way, through the third year, and I’d, read and reread the texts over, and over, and over again.  The following year, I passed the entrance exam into the high school programs, and for the sake of fighting for my own getting an education, to relieve my parents of the economic stresses, every summer, I’d gone to the clinic to work.  During that period of time in my high school years, I was, so full of, energy, in class during the daytime, studied until midnight every night, and, at four in the morn, I’d, waken back up to study some more, and even though I’d felt tired, but, it’s, as if, I’d, finally, found something that’s, made me, happy.

And, swoosh, I’d, finished my high school studies, entered into a hospital to work, and got married, but, I’d, always felt that something wasn’t quite right in my body, and couldn’t find the reasons.  Why do I feel, so unsettled?  Why are the nights so very hard?  Eight years passed by, my kids entered into elementary school, and I’d, decided, to pick the books back up, to find ways, to untie this knot that’s, inside my heart.

At age forty-five, I’d, worked hard, to pass the certification for becoming an early childhood educator, to start a brand new realm of life for me.  In making of the materials, and drafting up the lesson plans, my heart was focused, and happy.  I’d often told my children of the interesting things I’d encountered in my classes, shared with my colleagues, the ways of teaching.  But slowly, I’d found, that I was, still, fearing something inside, marriage!  What is the problem?  It’d, struck up that thought of returning back to school again for me, and at the age of fifty, I passed the graduate entrance into the counseling department, and found the ways to effectively, treat my own hurt of that night from a couple of decades ago.

On the year I turned fifty-five, I graduated from graduate school.  The moment my degree was, awarded to me, I’d recalled my classmate, Chou, from the moment he’d consoled me to get back to school again, to this date, it’d been, several decades, and I kept walking hard, working hard, on this road of my own life, and, each passage of life offered brand new hope, and brand new discoveries for me, turning back, I’d, finally, gotten myself, OUT of that, fearful, night.

I’m no longer fearful of what happened to me that night in the past, I’d even told my children of my own past experiences, told my kids, that I can now, face up to my scars and injuries, and treat all of the scars as a marking of me, passing the trials of life, reminding myself, of just, how BRAVE I truly, am!

And so, this, is how you, overcame, your traumas of the younger years, by excelling in your life, and thanks to that classmate of yours, who’d encouraged you, to NOT give up on your education, and you’d, worked very hard at your goals, that was why and how you could, finally, overcome, that traumatic night of your life!