On the Separation Anxieties for the Parents, on Parenthood

The “onset” of retirement, that brought along, the empty nest, in midlife, translated…

Our summers this year got shortened by two weeks, and suddenly, it’s the season when the schools started back up again.  I worked in the elementary years for thirty-one years now, most of the times, I’d spent teaching the lower grades, and every semester, there would be children who had separation anxiety, some could adjust and adapt in two, three days, while there were those who’d needed, half a month, to a month, to finally, adapt themselves, barely, there were those who’d cried, for one, two months, and the worst, cried for, almost an entire semester, and finally, the child started getting adapted, and, after another twenty-one days’ worth of winter vacation, as soon as school started back up, the same crying, the “I don’t want to go to school” started back at play once more.

Toward these children I can only, use a kinder, gentler tone, tried my best, using an assortments of methods, to help him stop crying, to get him to smile at me.  And, if the child became so loud, and I can only, ask the office workers to take him out of the class, to take him on a walk around the school, or give him some snack, to shift, or to, redirect his attention.  Because there’s that limited vocabulary verbal expressions for six, seven year olds, they couldn’t, speak about how they were feeling, and the adults couldn’t, lecture them on the values of life, the children are tried, so are we the teachers, as well as, the children’s, parents too!

this will soon, “wear off”…photo from online

I’d originally thought, that separation anxiety was designated for children only, but, last year, I’d, felt that I’d, “contracted”, this problem too.  Originally, my two children worked and studied away from home, they’d come home once every month.  When I was working, I’d had a ton to do daily, and I’d felt, relieved, that my children are, away.  After I retired last year, suddenly, I’d, looked forward to the two times a month meal with my children, and I’d, prepared the foods way ahead of time, or to set up the dates we’re to travel or gather out together.  But every time Sunday afternoon rolled around, I’d felt, that unknown panic, and upset, and I couldn’t, let go of how my kids are, leaving so soon, and I got stuck, in this vicious cycle of between expecting them home, having them home, watching them leave, like a child with separation anxiety, and I couldn’t, throw that temper tantrum like a young child could, it was, trying.

But thankfully, I took the invitations of a friend, to volunteer at my community’s library, I’d started, keeping that schedule again, and it’d, filled up that anxiousness, like that kid that’s, being, pulled from her/his familiar realm, I’m, trying to, get into the world, no longer placing the sole focuses on my children, to build a brand new life after retirement.

So, what you have is a case of empty nest, because, your kids leaving home, coincided with your retirement, and suddenly, there’s, nothing left that you need to do, and you’d, become, depressed, and it takes some time to adjust yourself, to find things you enjoy to do, like volunteering, giving back to the community, now that you have, so much more free time on your hands.