Everything Will Get Better

On caretaking, how things slowly, got on track…translated…

My mother-in-law as she turned eighty, she’d, started, losing the clarity of her mind, she’d waken us up in the middle of the nights, because she couldn’t find things, refusing to get her hair washed and bathed and changing into clean clothes, burned up one pot after another, and another, and another…………all of which, we’d, handled.

When my mother-in-law turned ninety, she had a stroke and was hospitalized.  The following day she’d started asking us to take her to the bathrooms frequently, and we’d, lifted her off and on to the bed repeatedly, first, it was at ten-minute intervals, then, the time shortened to five minutes, then to three, and before we put her pants back on, came the next cycle.  The neurologist told us this was how her nerves were damaged after she had a stroke, and the patients would start making unreasonable requests, and a lot of the families melt down because of this.

We’d put the diapers onto my mother-in-law, as the night came, with her roommates fast asleep, all the sounds that remained, were from my mother-in-law’s using her hand, ripping the diapers she had on to shreds, with a full bed of mess.  We’d only begun filing for the foreign nurse’s aide, and, heaven only knows, how many nurse’s aides from here we’d, changed.

On that year on Christmas Eve, I’d stayed at the hospital with my mother-in-law, she had already been given her nightly portion of food, but she’d still called out she was hungry.  She used her agile right hand to hit her wheelchair, at ten second intervals, called out repeatedly, “Don’t give food to mom, don’t give food to mom…………”, I worried that she may affect her roommate, I wheeled her out on her wheelchair, and started, wandering in the hallways that were decorated with the chrysanthemums, the lights.  The night lasted into eternity it’d felt like, as the nurse passed us, she’d patted my shoulders gently, “Everything will get better.”

illustration from UDN.com

The preparation for her discharge was unfamiliar, and nitty-gritty, and after my mother-in-law was released into our care, we’d had to carry the responsibilities of training the foreign nurse, and care for her daily living, her meals.  Being the eldest son and daughter-in-law, my husband and I other than biting down hard, there’s, no other options.  As we were about to completely get burned out, I’d asked for help, and received help from the psychiatrist at the hospital, to learn to breathe, and to relax.  Other than helping the family to maintain a regular schedule, I also went to yoga classes, on time, as much as I can.

After my mother-in-law returned home, life slowly got back on track, the medications were reduced by the day.  Early one morn, in my sleep, I’d heard my mother-in-law talking with the Indonesian helper.  My watch said seven in the morn, I can’t believe I slept through the night!  When did it start, that my mother-in-law no longer cried and started ranting in the middle of the nights, when did I, stop worrying?

The psychiatrist commended me, that I’d done well, taking care of my loved ones, and looked after my own emotional wellbeing too; she’d also said, that the positive behavioral energies I’d accumulated during this time, will become, priceless assets to me for the future.  I’m more than certain, that everything will, get better.

And so, this, is the woman’s reconstruction of her psyche, she’d had to adapt herself to her mother-in-law’s states of mind and being, and, after everything started settling down, everything got back onto the right tracks, but, there’s, that adjustment period in things like this you must be tried on, before you can adapt, and start to cope better.