Glad to see him grow up, but sad, that he no longer, relied on you, completely at the same time, there’s, this mixture of emotions, watching your young growing older, isn’t there??? Translated…
When your child is young, you’re his everything. Always wanted you to hold him, to soothe him, so he can, sleep sound, and as he woke, the first one he wanted to see, is you. And, he’s, your, everything too, you’re always constantly worrying if he’s full, if he’s, dressed, warmly enough, does he need his diaper changed? While, you’d, gulfed down your last meals in the kitchen, and, you’d, gone to the bathrooms, after you’d held it in too long, and still kept the toilet door open, in case he needed you.
At one, as the child started stumbling and walking around, he’d gained, several inches of views suddenly. You’d, taped up all the sharpened corners, collected the easily shattered items, the wedding day photo of you in that gown inside that porcelain frame, the glass vase your mother left you, the crystal decoration you received as a wedding present……………why would you need the items of the past, when the best things is right in front of you now?
As your husband went on business, your child got sick, and, the doctor at the clinic was alerted, said that he needed to be taken to a major hospital. You’d grabbed his formula, diaper, blanket, and that Teddy, flagged down a cab with your heart unsettled, rode, straight, into the E.R., as you wait for the examination results, you’d, soothed him, who’s, finally, sound asleep in your arms then. Patted his heated forehead, and, wiped away that tear stain from his cheeks, and, begged all the gods you know of, to help him get through this. And, as you suddenly came to, you’d found the air-conditioning blasting on full in the hospital. You’d, patted your own bare shoulders, and, felt awful you didn’t bring a light jacket.
On his first day of preschool, you woke normal than usual, dressed him up in his best, with that backpack, close to his height, and, who’s this, miniature, adult that’s, standing before you? Taking his hand, you felt, a bit, proud, but worried too, what if he couldn’t adapt, he didn’t like it, or didn’t know to share, and worried that if he wouldn’t, let go as you dropped him off, what should you do, to soothe him? As the teacher told the kids to say goodbye to the parents, you watched him, foolishly, waved goodbye, you’d felt, that hint of, loss. On the way home, you start to cry, that chubby baby is growing up, entering, into, this big colorful world now, with so many things that get his attention, would he, still, love you as he used to?
You’d, once melted down, hoped that he would grow up, and now, you’d, wanted time to trek, slower, so you can, remember, every single, moment. You knew, that as the day comes and goes, he’s, a step, away, from getting attached to you, and, you’re, more than happy to see him grow up, but, couldn’t quite, let go, of the connetedness of you two. This is, the joys, the sorrows, of motherhood! We’re, always, shouldering things on our own, and maintained our smiles, in our own, tears.
And so, this, is on watching your young children becoming more and more independent, needing you, less, and less, and less, until, they really, don’t need you anymore. It’s this, mixture of joys, and sadness, joy because your children are, growing up, and are becoming, more able-bodied, sad, because of how they no longer, relied on you completely, for everything that they need.