Tears of sorrows, but not, of the regrets, off of Front Page Sections, translated…
The population aging became, a new topic of interest for the global community now, back in 2018, Taiwan had, entered, into the “society of the elderly”, it’s estimated that by 2016, this country will enter into the “extremely elderly community”. With the increase in the elderly population in the communities, the cognitive abilities of these aging elderly will decrease by the year, “dementia” will bring more problems to the society, it’s not to be, ignored.
Mrs. Huang who was formally diagnosed by me as having dementia, her son, Huang Jr. took good care of her, we’d, known each other for, a bulk of, ten years now. They’re like all the families with elderly who are demented, from not knowing anything about the illness, weathered through the assortments of hardships in caretaking, but, the difference was that the family members all, got along, very well with one another, it’d, left me in awe.
As Mrs. Huang was at the beginning of her Alzheimer’s, she’d told me, “I am, blessed” a lot; when her condition progressed further, she’d squinted her eyes, and asked me, “Hi doctor, what am I doing here?”, as she’d, entered, into, the severe stage, her language abilities had, deteriorated to the point that she didn’t, make any sound, but she is still, very gentle and mild in nature, watching all those who are, around her. What’s more moving was, Huang Jr. was always by her side, every time he took his mother in to see me, he’d always asked me, “what else can I do for my mother?”
I’d as him curiously, “in this past decade, did Mrs. Huang become, emotional unstable, or did anything that upset all of you?”, he’d, thought for a short while, told me, “no, I don’t think so.”
I was, so surprised, and that, is exactly, what made this mother-son pair, so special. For a whole decade, there wasn’t any, serious family conflicts, Mrs. Huang never had insomnia, depression, delusions, anxieties, nor did she exert signs of most patients of Alzheimer’s, hiding things everywhere, or, just went to the bathrooms where she was, because she forgot where the bathrooms were, located.
Before Mrs. Huang passed, she’d, come back to the hospital a couple more times, as I saw her in my sessions, she could no longer, eat, and I’d worried that she was too weak, and, assigned her for a stay. During which time, all the test results showed, that even though she’d, stopped eating and drinking, her overall health is still, okay, so, she’s, aging, normally.
Even so, I’d, still called Huang Jr. in, to discuss if we need to place a feeding tube into her mother’s system; Huang Jr. was actually, quite accepting of his mother being in the final stages of her life, and decided, not to have a feeding tube, that she should be fed, using, the most, comfortable methods. But he’d, still, worried, like everybody wondered, “she’d only taken, the smallest bites, won’t she be hungry?”, I’d consoled with him, “However many bites she took, it counts, don’t force her to; trust her systems, we all eat when we’re, hungry, and although, Mrs. Huang isn’t eating that much, but she’s still, spirited, so, she’s, not hungry.”
And as everybody accepted that Mrs. Huang was in her final stage of dementia, and I’d, started setting her up for the hospice program for her families, and transferred her medical records there. But on the second day, I’d received a call from Huang Jr., “Dr. Nai-Jing, I was so certain that my mother will start in the hospice program, but, as I went to see her this morning, she’d, passed away in her sleep.”
As Huang cried and told me, but, there was, no hint of regret in his voice, he’d just, wanted to tell me the fact, that his mother had, passed. Naturally, grief was, unavoided, facing death, everybody acts, the same way, no matter how well-prepared we think we are, we can’t, get away from the sorrows of losing someone; but for this mother and son pair, sorrows, hard to avoid, but the trials, nearly, nonexistent. But, for over the decade’s time, all that should be, could be done, had been, done, and I’m truly glad, that on this, long road of, long-term care, there’s, no regrets for the mother, and the son.
And so, sorrows from the loss, can’t be, avoided, even though, we know, that our demented loved ones are, dying, we still have to deal with the fact that they’d, died, but, like for this mother-and-son pair, there’s, NO regrets between them, the man had, done everything he could, for his mother, and so, his tears, are of the sorrows from the loss of his, dear mother, not that of, regret.