Thoughts…translated…
After we ate, the family gathered in the living room, for some tea, and the conversation shifted to how the housing prices are, still, hiking up, it’s now, coming back down any time soon. It’s, too hard for the younger generations, to buy their homes, and we’d, accidentally, shifted the discussions to “Where will I live when I’m older” everybody was, engaged, the discussions were, ranting on.
My husband is very traditional, he’d loved the family to stay together, imagined of buying up a mansion-style property, and give the kids a floor each to live on, and we’d all, be together, like, that big and happy, family. My eldest son liked the apartments of a community, with the security systems, someone, to give the mails, and the keycards for the entries, to be safe, with the freedoms of being separated from each other, and no need, to chase after the garbage trucks.
As for me who loved the quiet, and wanted more privacy, I’d hoped, to live separate from my son and daughter-in-law, to have a smaller apartment, or a suite even, so long, as, we live close to one another, and can look in when needed, still maintaining, the independent, living spaces, that’s, most ideal to me.
Because I’d, moved in with a family of more than ten after I married, it’d made me, maladapted, to how many different voices of opinions there’d been, and, I still, couldn’t, mingle in with the family, even after decades. Plus, seeing how my mother lives with my younger brother, the war between the mother and daughter-in-law played on constantly, there’s, NO peace, and that made me believed, that it’s best, that I live, alone, on my own.
So, I kept that thought of after my kids are grown up and married, I will, move out of my home, so long as the location is, convenient, I can still, keep my, mobility and care for my own self, why would we, need to, tie ourselves together? As the younger generations didn’t want to cook, or play lovey-dovey with each other, they feel the lack of freedom to do so, and I’d, needed to, upkeep an image, which means, I can’t, even, sit with my legs, open at home, that’s, too stressful.
illustration from UDN.com
And so, I’d, patted my chest, told everybody, “I’ll be fine, living on my own!”, just drop by with the grandkids every now and then, or, call to take me out on a trip, or for the meals, having some distance between us, but not too far that we’d all becomes, estranged, the relationships of, not too close, but close enough, is what’s, longer, lasting. But, with one word, my husband, SHOT me back, to, the harshness, of reality.
“Then, if you’re old, and I’m no longer around, you needed to be cared for, where would you live?”
It’s not scary, growing older, getting ill at old age, that, is what scares me most. “Where should I live when I’m elderly?”, I’d, never, actually, thought, seriously on this yet, because I’m, currently, able-bodied, still mobile, with my retirement pension, no health issues, without worries of life, I’d, not thought about, who I’ll, need to, count on when I’m, older. But, if I get older and, become incapable of caring for myself, where, do I stay?
Recalling how after my father passed, my mother went to a nursing home to visit without our knowledge, later on, because it was, too expensive, and she’d, not felt she’d, belonged, she’d, gotten out. Based off of my character, I’d, rather live with my dying breaths, in my own home, than to, camp out in the nursing homes, but I don’t want to, give my kids a hard time, what should I, do?
At this time, the “companionship apartments” that my daughter told me of flashed across my mind, finding a few good friends who have shared interests, we’ll, move in together, we can still keep our, independent living space, and look out for one another, with my privacy, my dignity intact, and the connections with others, it’s quite, nice. My youngest is studying in the long-term care department, it’s his way, of being ready for his own, elderly years, and he can, help me when I need, suddenly, I’d, felt more secure, of growing older.
And so, this, is planning your elderly years out, while you still have time, and, by setting things up like this, it gives you, that peace of mind, and it’s, something we all, need to, start thinking, even if, we’re, just in our, twenties, or thirties, because, it’s, NEVER too early, for these things.