His Grandmother

His grandmother, was similar to your own, and you loved her, just like you loved your own grandmother, and now, the two of you are broken up, you don’t know what to do…translated…

The strangest thing in life is affinity.

About a year ago, I met an elderly woman.  I liked her a lot, but I’d not dared talking too much to her, because I was dating her grandson then, I’d worried that I might misspeak, or say something I shouldn’t have, that makes the family not like me.

Grandma was like my own great grandmother, she’s very gentle and kind toward everybody, with that firmness inside, and used her own strength, to shoulder up an entire family.  They walked through the changes in times over a century, being around them, I’d often felt that their sense of not being able to fit in, their loneliness from the years, that they’d lacked nothing materialistically, but, something’s missing in their lives psychologically.

I couldn’t be there with her a lot, nor can I tell her, that if I were to marry her grandson, how many kids we’ll be having, because he doesn’t have plans for marriage for a couple more years.  From before when my great grandmother was still living, I’d often, say these things to make her happy, but I’d not dared telling these things to his grandmother, worried that it might give her the expectations, that if we were to break up in the future, it’d, upset her even more.

Later, we had, split.  I’d not felt too sad over this break, but I’d, worried that his grandmother may get heartbroken because of the fact that we broke up.  Grandma needed someone to accompany her, I’d once told her grandson, that I’d wanted to find a job that’s more flexible in hours of work, but I’d not told him, that I wanted to find a place for rent close to his home, that way, I get to, look after his grandmother too, so he wouldn’t have to worry about her.

It’s just, that we’re, both from very traditional families, and, if I’d done this, my family will get looked down by his.  Both my paternal grandparents are still living too, they’d lacked nothing material, but, they lacked the energy for life, and if I were to have children, I’m sure, that my grandparents would fight to raise them too, and feel that life’s, fulfilled, and I’m certain, that that, is how his grandmother felt too.

Whether it be my own great grandmother or his grandmother, they all worried that they became, useless, becoming a burden to the families, so, even if my great grandmother had heart disease, she’d still insisted on planting the vegetables, doing the laundry, cooking every single day.  I’d heard that his grandmother became, more and more depressed too, started feeling fearful of outsiders, not wanted to head out.  And now, I’m about, to become, an outsider to his family, and I’d felt, really bad.

I’m so worry, so worried, that one day when I asked him about her, he’d tell me, that she’s, already, gone.

Just like how I’d gotten that call from back home, I’d, turned my head to my coworkers, told them I needed a few days off.  I don’t know how there would be, this certain someone, who’s, on my mind, she’s not related to me, but I kept, crying for her, hoping, that she could, be well, and live to a hundred, to not have any more worries in life.

And so, this, is how close you’d felt, to your ex-boyfriend’s grandmother, because she loved you as if you were her own grandchild, and it reminded you of how your own grandmother loved you when she was still living, and so, you’d, transferred that love you feel toward your own grandmother, to your ex-boyfriend’s grandmother, and you worry over her, now that the two of you had, broken up, but you can still go and visit with her, from the perspective of a member of the younger generation who loves an elder…