I Want to Make Him a Good Dad

Wanting a baby, for your husband’s sake, not because, you genuinely, love children, this, is not going to, end well at all! Translated…

I’d, never imagined, I’d, fall for a man, who’s nine years my junior. And, the difference of nine years, was, like lightyears, but he’d told me, “what’s wrong with me being nine years younger? Or you can think of it like this, when you get old and gray, you’ll, have a husband who’s nine years younger to take care of you?”, and so, we were, wed.

Three months after we wed, I got pregnant, I thought, how can I be, so blessed? I can, give my in-laws a response now, being an older woman, this moment, was something I could, gloat about.

Unfortunately, the heavens, played a joke on me, I only felt happy for about a week, then, I’d, started, bleeding, feeling my uterus, falling downward inside my body………two weeks later, I’d learned, that my fetus died. Back then, I’d felt, regret, but I’d, encouraged myself, that I shall, have another child soon. Don’t know where my confidence came from, or maybe, being married only three months, getting pregnant, it’d, given me that boost of confidence, of how my body is still, capable of carrying, and how lucky I’d been!

illustration found online

A year passed, nothing, and I’d, started, questioning, if I’d, used up, all of my, good luck? Started, dodging the inquiries of those friends and families, felt the pressures, piling atop of me…………I kept telling myself, just live my life, let whatever come come, I’d even started, asking myself, “do I really, want a child that much? Or, was I, only, trying to, fulfill my in-laws’ wishes? Or maybe, I’m, just, trying to prove, that a woman at my age, is capable, of carrying?” I’d started, counting up the risks, from birth to afterwards, then asking myself, “What is it that’s, so good, about, having a baby?”

One day, I’d, asked my coworker who’d returned to work from her maternity leave to lunch, and, she’d, weathered through the same thing, had it hard, trying, to get pregnant. She’d told me a ton of things that she’d, weathered through, we’d, also, talked of how lost I’d felt, of getting pregnant, as I said, “I really don’t know if I want a child? Or, if it was because I can’t get pregnant, and so, I’d, tricked myself into believing, that ‘I don’t want a baby’………”, she’d told me, “I’d asked myself the same thing too? And, are my husband and I, ready, to become, good parents?”

This conversation had, enlightened me, I want a child, desperately! Other than wanting to be a mother, because my husband is amazing, I knew, he would, definitely, make, a good dad. I’d, made him into a good husband, so naturally, I should, make him a good dad too!

And that, is putting too much pressure on yourself there, and, things are going to get worse, if you are, trying to get pregnant, you’d have to, go through the fertility treatment processes, and, it won’t be easy, and this woman, only want a baby, because she wants to fulfill her husband’s wishes of being a dad, and that’s, no good!