Grandma, a Kiss

Moments before dying, how this elderly person held on, refusing, to close her eyes, because she wanted to, look upon her offspring a little bit, longer, translated…

Memories, of the love and interaction, with one’s elder, translated…

This past couple of years, my maternal grandmother went in and out of the I.C.U., it’d become, normal to us, grandma was limp, lying in the hospital bed of the ICU, with her eyes aglow, not closing her eyes one bit.  My uncle told us, that grandma stopped sleeping since yesterday, staying awake, but, she’d started, having troubles breathing well, the doctor said she was in critical condition, but I believed, that the doctor may have been, too young, too inexperienced, my grandmother was so spirited, can speak and eat and drink too, she should be home, in no more than a few more days.

“Maybe, ‘critical condition’ is only a sort of an standard-operating-procedure of the hospital”, I’d told my family.

illustration from UDN.com

In the evenings, I’d stayed overnight with my aunt by my grandmother’s side, I’d told my aunt that I will keep the first watch, and we shall, switch shifts as the day breaks.  After the whole day, my grandmother’s energy level decreased, I felt, that she, having not slept a wink for two days straight, must be tired, but her eyes looked, very energetic, I’d asked her, “Grandma, are you tired?”, she shook her head, and, there was, nothing I could do, I can only, keep a close eye on her, and watched the tubes work, and play on my cell phone.

The hospital ward was packed, we took up a huge temporary space in the hopstial, there were, almost ten patients, and all their, families, with just a thin piece of cloth between each and every person, there were, the electrocardiogram beeping, the coughs, the vomiting noises from all around us.

Each time I took my attention off of my cell phone, and, locked gazes with my grandmother, who was, staring straight at me.

“Are you thirsty?”, a shake of her head.  “Are you tired?”, shake.  “Do you want to sleep for a short bit?”, shake.

Then, in the middle of the nights, my grandmother started making some sounds, she’d loved to sing, loved to tell us the smallest matters of life, I’d gotten up, and asked her the questions all over again, then, I’d, put my hand under the covers, to hold her hand, her hand felt hot, I’m thinking that she’s running a fever, “Are you feeling sick?  You will be okay after it’s over!”, but inside my heart, came grandma, you’d been ill, and had it hard so long, would you want to, take a short break now?  Then suddenly, she’d, squeezed my hand hard, and grabbed my hands, to touch her face, I saw her wrinkled face, with the breathing tube, feeding tube, the oxygen mask crawling all over her face, it was likle grandma suddenly, came back, from the desert, just waken up, held tightly to my hands with such strength, not blinking one bit, she’d started breathing very rapidly.  I’d felt, that she might be, feeling distress so suddenly, so I’d, attempted to, soothe her, and ringing the bell to call the nurses from the stations.

And so, I’d started, crying, as I checked her face repeatedly.

In the early mornings, I’d started, dozing off from the fatigue, but grandma still refused to close her eyes, I’d used that manner of playing coy with her, begged, “Grandma, won’t you sleep for just a little bit?”  I’m so very tired, let’s, fall asleep for a bit.”  She’d, nodded.

After I’d slept for a bit, and waken up, found her, staring at me again, “is the light too bright, I’ll cover it up for you.”  Then, I’d, gently placed a towel over he eyes.  And, I’d, taken a peek, saw that her eyes were still, full of energies, and I’d, squeezed her hand that lifted every now and then, asking, “Grandma, won’t you sleep for just a little while………”, she’d, nodded.

photograph from online…

And I couldn’t, stay awake anymore, I woke my aunt, she said, “Why don’t you sleep a bit.”  Don’t know how long I’d slept for, but, I heard the doctor come in, said he was going to, check something, and my aunt said something, the electrocardiogram beeped several times.  But I was, still, lost in my dreams, not wanting to, wake up, my aunt woke me up, grandma was, still, staring at me, it was, seven in the morning.

“Are you not the least bit tired, grandma?”, she shook her head.  “won’t you just, close you eyes a bit?”, grandma nodded.  Then, shortly thereafter, she’d, closed her eyes, I was so happy I’d turned to my aunt, “good, grandma finally, decided to sleep, she must’ve been, tired out.”

But, grandma never opened her eyes back up, to stare at me again.

We’d originally thought, that we had, endless time, planned out all our futures, actually, none of us knew, that life had predestined to end, in a certain point in time.

And, the whole of us, the time we’d shared, became, halted, in that instant, forever, halted.

Then, a person who’d, loved me forever, was gone forever.

Grandma, you loved to go places so much, and now, you are, finally able to, go wherever you please.  We all miss you, oh so much.

Byebye, and, one more kiss.

And so, this, is how this elderly acted, before she’d died, she refused, to close her eyes, because she sensed, that once she’d closed her eyes, even if it were only, for a miniscule of a second, she won’t wake back up, so she’d, held on, long as she could, until her loved ones had, said their goodbyes to her, and then, she’d, closed her eyes, fell, into that eternal sleep…