On final rites, translated…
From when I was in high school in Penghu, I’d once gone to a temple, with a classmate of mine, to find a blind fortune-teller, he’d read our palm prints to tell our fortunes, back then, I’d felt, he was, almost magical, after he’d felt my palms, he’d told me, “You have until seventy-seven before you pass”, and, in his kind and mysterious face, it’s, as if, I actually, got to peek into my future, and so, from that day on, I firmly believed, that I can, live until I’m, seventy-seven years old.
I am fifty-three currently, in my coming of age, I’d, met a ton of losses, experienced the griefs from the loss of my beloved families and friends too, and in sorting through the affairs of the ones I loved who’d passed on, I’d decided, to live, healthily while I’m alive, if I am diagnosed with some sort of a terminal illness, or had a stroke, I hope there to be, NO intubation, because I love freedom, and I don’t like being controlled by anything.
Counting the years, if like the fortune-teller told, that I can live until seventy-seven, then, I’d still have twenty-four years to live. And now, in order to make sure that I will have the dignities I wanted, I’d worked out (exercised my body), wrote articles (helping my mind stay active), go to grad school (giving me that boost of psychological support), I hope, that through these arrangements, I will, have NO regrets when I die.
illustration that came with this article, from UDN.com
If I discovered that my mind and body weren’t as active anymore, then, I shall, plan out my final affairs then, I don’t want any sort of a ritualistic funeral, nor do I want my ashes inside an urn, and placed in a tower, because that would be, a meaningless, and useless feat, it’s also, a waste of money too; there was a movie about euthanasia, “Me Before You”, there was a line that I loved, “You have no do-overs in life, your job is, to live your life, as colorful, and as fulfilling as you possibly can.”, I just want my life to be colorful, for however long it may last, and, as I leave, I will, not be taking anything with me.
And so, I work on, living in the moments, showing my gratitude to people; wherever I wanted to go, I’d, set up my itinerary, and I’m off; if I wanted to connect with someone, I pick up my phones, because time waits for no one. As I walked to the end of the world, at least, I will, have NO regrets, get all my affairs settled, say what I needed to say, that would be, my best way of saying goodbye.
Of course, all of these, I’d planned out, while I’m still, lucid and able to think on my own, and, if in the future, I was, unfortunate enough to get a stroke, and become demented, then, everything will be left to fate, because, plans can never catch up to changes that come.
This would be, the ideal way you wanted to leave this planet, and, it may happen for you like you hoped it would, or it might not, but, by working through all of the things you’d worked through so far, planning out your own final affairs, you will surely, cope a hell of a lot better, with death when it actually comes.
Life, the Obstacle Course 