Her mother became, the primary “caretaker”, the “go-to woman”, for her paternal grandmother’s caretaking needs, translated…
I bear witness to, an alternative kind of long-term care every single day.
A phone call, it’d made my mother, drop everything all at once, rushed to an alternate city, just so she could, figure out what was wrong with my grandmother, which artery got clogged up this time, or, which eye of hers was, troubling.
My father put half of his energies into my grandmother, he’d, rushed home to visit her, and, started, screaming at his brothers on the phones with anger, telling them how my grandmother was doing. Who should be doing the grocery shopping for her, who should go and pick my grandmother up from the hospital after she was discharged, how grandmother was, hospitalized again, how he’d needed to, go visit her tomorrow………………
like this??? Photo from online
I’d never imagined, that an elderly person, can cause so many people so many trials at one time.
Back when I was younger, as my mother drove the groceries she’d bought for my grandmother, she’d become, too tired to drive, and she could only, park by the side of the road we were on, rest up a bit, and, she’d often, canceled her entire day’s worth of plans, because something was up with my grandmother. But, all of this, my father turned a blind eye to—actually, NOBODY will ever notice it. The pressures from living day to day, and his displease at how his siblings aren’t pulling in their weight, it’d, made my father lose control. He’d become, hard to communicate with, anything can start his off. He’d thrown his temper tantrums more and more, and, demeaned my mother to worthless.
Twenty minutes ago, the hospital contacted us that my grandmother had some problems in her dialysis, that they’d needed the families to sign off on something. But, none of my grandmother’s three sons could show up for it, reason being, they’re all, at work.
So, my mother had to, cancel EVERYTHING she had for the afternoon, gone to the hospitals, I couldn’t help but complained to my maternal grandfather, “Why does she have to try herself like that? This wasn’t even her weight to carry!”
My maternal grandfather spread his hands out, “How could it not be hers to handle? She’s, a daughter-in-law!”
Daughter-in-law, such, a deeply rooted, curse. This was, a never-ending tale I can tell you. And all I hope was, those who’d, given themselves so selflessly, can think on ones’ own behalves, and those who received the helps, can show, a bit more, gratitude, so this sort of a thing don’t get taken as the norm in the futures to come.
And so, the writer’s mother got used, as an alternative FREE caregiver, because she is the daughter-in-law, and, naturally, in the Asian societies, the daughters-in-law are the ones, left to care for one’s own in-laws, and they’re to DROP everything they’re doing, and go to their in-laws when they’re, called on, or they get, “branded” as, “unfitting daughters-in-law”! That’s just, unfair!!!