I, Forgot…

The story of this special needs student, who’d been, misunderstood, all the way, until he received a proper diagnosis for his condition, and now, he’s, about to get “shipped off” to a boarding school, translated…

Forgotten to Sweep up the Floors, Forgotten to Do the Homework Assignments, Forgotten that He’d Needed to Show Up to Class after Our Conversations, His Whereabouts Became Like Those Lines of Leaves, Growing All Over the Places, Spreading Themselves Out, Then, Slowly, Getting Off the Right Tracks………

The very first time I law Leaf’s face, there was that sense of, déjà vu, like he was, a type of children I’d, worked with in the past.  Their faces, very thinned down, darkened complexions, and, the scabs or open wounds bleeding from their bodies all over.  The most apparent trait was, they could, never look me in the eyes, in our sessions, I’d needed to, snap my fingers, to get his attention back again.

They were called ADHD, but Leaf wasn’t one of them, he had neat handwritings, stroke by stroke, he’d, written, inside the small boxes, he wasn’t the one, needing the extra help in his studies, and, he was probably recorded down by his instructors as misbehaving at most, which was, quite normal, out of thirteen-year-old younger boys, as his homeroom instructor, I’d believed, that Leaf was, ordinary, an ordinary, low achiever.

Not turning in his assignments, not focusing in the lessons in class, with grades, clung to the bottom, to the point that everything that came out of his lips was a lie.  I’d tried consoling with him kindly, given him a ton of chances, and Leaf had, nodded his head, promised he’d, do better, but, the following day, it was, the same old routines all over again.

I’d asked him why he’d not finished his assigned homework.

“I forgot.”

I’d taught him to write it down in his notebook, to check it as he’d needed, but this still couldn’t help him.

“I forgot to read the notebook.”

I’d asked him to come see me in the office, but, he’d, never come by.

“I forgot.”

Forgotten to sweep up the floors, forgotten about the assignments, forgotten how right after our counseling sessions, he was, to go straight to class, he acted like those lines on the leaves that would extend in all directions, slowly, he’d, gotten off the right tracks.  “Forgetting” was like that blackhole, sucking out his sense of responsibility, and, drained out everybody’s kindness toward him, and, in return, he’d faced the explosions from everybody who was, around him.

As he was scolded, he’d, hung his head down low, showed that he’d not, intentionally, started the mess, that it was, his forgetting.  He’d made me realized, that I was, his switch, when I’m around, he’s turned to “on”, but as I shifted my attention to the rest of the twenty-plus students, he’d, gone “off” on me.

Leaf’s parents were divorced, I’d, called up his grandmother, his primary caretaker very often, and the woman not just apologized profusely for his bad behaviors, and had, explained to me how she’d, used all she had, to physically discipline him, to the point she’d had a heart attack, it’d still not worked on him.  The grandmother cried to me on the phones, that she really is, tired out.

I’d made the note, of what made Leaf the way he was: the methods of teaching was wrong from the cross-generation, the family failed in its functions.

And yet, it wasn’t, as simple as I thought it was, he’d become like the fires from the stars, burning up my entire class.

illustration from the papers online…

Cheating, using other people’s cell phone without their consents, and lied incessantly, to escape punishment, I’d needed to, take every single measure possible, to crack all of his lies, and, collected all the evidences, to finally, breakthrough to him.  And, after I’d tired myself out, led him to apologize to his victims, he’d, started smiling, and bowed his head, got down on his knees to apologize, which was a, declaration of how I’d, failed completely.

Because Leaf had been written up for the same thing repeatedly, and, he’d, done the deeds again and again by the day, I’d become like Sisyphus, pushing that stubborn rock toward the mountaintop, and finally I got there, the following second, the rock rolled, back down, and, it’d, taken me deep, into that abyss, down below.

And yet, in the writing assignments, he’d, turned completely, became understanding, and was willing to change his ways on paper, and, kept thanking his grandmother, and the teachers, for teaching him, and vowed to never go back into his own ways again; it’s just, back to reality, everything was, like it always was.

One afternoon, as I’d, kept his whole case of craft knife blades, after school, we’d, bumped into each other in the hall, I’d reminded him to go to the office, to retrieve the dangerous materials.  After an hour, I was certain, that he’d, stood me up.

The angers from the lack of respect I received from him, finally made me cracked, the cold lunches, the piled on homework assignments, the endless records of mediations, everything filled into me, it’d, pushed my sound judgment to the edge now.  After I’d, simmered down, I still couldn’t understand, that we’d, established that sense of connection, and yet, he’d, left me hanging.  That very evening, I’d told his guardian, that I was, defeated, that there was, no way I could, help Leaf to change, I’d felt, awful, and fatigued.  His grandmother told me, she was too.

She’d decided, to take him to see a psychiatrist.

Later on, we’d learned, that Leaf was ADHA, and had Asperger’s Syndrome, and, the elementary school teacher already noted this, and suggested to his grandmother to get him into treatment, it’s just, that the grandmother believed, that disciplining him more strictly, will do the trick.

After he started on his medications, he’d become, calmer, but there was, no happily ever after that I’d, hoped and prayed for.  Leaf still broke the school rules a lot, it’s just, that my punishment was, incorporated with the advice from the special eds instructor’s, to enforce his behaviors, and not assign him the activities that won’t drain out his energies, attempted, to burn him out.

But, this had, caused him to accidentally, injure himself.

The repeated hand labor had, made him lose a layer of skin on his palms, in the process of his getting his skin rubbed off to bleeding, he’d not said a thing to me, as one of us checked over the assignment books, the other one finishing the tasks in horseplay.  As the activities ended, he’d, spread out his hands in front of me, laughed aloud, told me, “Teacher look, my skin had, been rubbed off.”  I saw on his palms, two pink circles on his palm, like the stamp on the pigs ready for slaughter at the slaughterhouse, I’d made him wash his hands, and go to the nurse’s to have it checked out.  Until, he’d, returned, with his hands wrapped up, I’d found, that I’d, caused him, to hurt his hands.

The next day I’d followed him to get his wounds redressed, the nurse told him to walk focused, to not fall over again.  I’d realized, that I’d, explained to his grandmother how he was, injured that he’d, bumped and fell.  As I’d, told them the truth, and I’d, thought about the motives behind Leaf’s lies, I’d, felt my insides turn.

Leaf, who’d been treated like an ordinary student, used his overt passion and activeness, to blend into the crowd, but because of his acting out, or how he’d, made mistakes often, it’d, made him receive a ton of frowns.  Perhaps, he could, understand others’ expectations of him, and felt helpless that he couldn’t, live up to their expectations, that he’d, felt tried, or not, but no matter what, Leaf still showed his kindness self when interacting with the outside world, and waited until someone else, landed on that distant planet he was from, to understand him better.

He’d forgotten his responsibilities, and forgotten the sharpened knives he’d thrown.  His combination of Asperger’s and ADHD, perhaps, forgetting, was a gift from the heavens, endowed to him.

“I’ll remember it next time”, Leaf always promised after he’d done something bad.  But, will there be, a next time?

This summer, he was, transferred, into a private boarding school that’s, strict, leaving his family, to live on his own.  Thinking of how his grandmother tried to make him write more legibly, I couldn’t begin to imagine the hardships she’d, weathered, and now, his grandmother is elderly, she can, no longer, watch him like a hawk.

As I learned of the news, I’d, felt a mixture of emotions, and, I’d asked my coworkers, if I should, persuade Leaf to stay.  Most of them, who’d, watched me as I was, tried by Leaf, all said that I should just, let go, and asked me, “Did you forget those trying moments he’d put you through?”

“I forgot.”

I’d, looked in Leaf’s direction, and answered them.

There are always going to be those students, whom the teachers failed to help, because they couldn’t understand them, and this student is one of many cases, and, the teacher and counselor just thought he was, misbehaving himself badly, without realizing, that something WAS wrong with him, and until he received a proper diagnosis, he still couldn’t get the help he’d needed, to succeed in school and in life…