On parent-child interactions, now the shoe’s on the other foot, you became a parent too, and, it’d helped you better understand the interactions between you and your own mother when you were a teenager, as your son is, a teenager, like you once were back when, translated…
A month ago, my second-year high school son came to the study, told me, “Mom, did you know that back in elementary school, I couldn’t communicate with my classmates?”, he’d dropped the line in front of my desk, saw how he’d, gotten my attention, he’d stated, “it’s because you never allowed me to watch cartoons, and, I couldn’t know what they were, talking about!”
As I’d heard, I’d felt, flustered, but before I could react, he’d, continued, “So now, you should not put restraints on my cell phone usage, because this is the common language of high school students, don’t put the barrier between my peers and me again!”
Oh, so, that, was the key point, he’d, paved the way, perhaps, he’d grown tired, of us nagging, because I’d often made fun of him, “Your girlfriend is the cell phone, and the two of you are very close, you can’t leave her side day or night!”, it’s just that he’d mentioned the past, and, made the call of “mom did something wrong”, it’d, hurt me a bit. As I slowly digested his words, I’d, told him, that putting a kid in front of a T.V. is the easiest thing for a parent, but I’d, chosen to take him to the parks, to the libraries, because I believed it to be a better way of accompanying him, if he felt he couldn’t connect with his classmates because of it, then, all I can say is I’m sorry, because you can’t turn back time. “But, I hope you remember my apology to you today, in the future, if you have a different thought than I, please tell me!”
Even as my son is close to becoming an adult, it’s still, sometimes, not at all easy, to raise him, not only did we have troubles in communicating, I can see myself in my son often. Back in high school, I’d screamed at my mother too, and, didn’t know what triggered it, I’d screamed at her, as she coughed, nonstop, “Cough, cough, cough, that’s what you did all day long, aren’t you annoyed already!”
Back then, my mother couldn’t find out exactly why she’d coughed so much, but, as she’d heard me told her, she’d, stopped coughing, and, as she’d turned away from me, I saw tears came out of her eyes. We’d turned our separate directions, me to my bedroom, her, to the bathroom. Back then, being stubborn, even knowing I’d not done right by her, I’d not said I’m sorry. And, my mother being hurt by me, her expression had, branded itself into my memories. And, more than twenty years later, I’d finally, muttered this belated “I’m sorry”, but she’d told me, “I don’t remember that………”
As my son returned back to his room, perhaps, it’s, the same things, the past came flood back up, and, I’d asked myself, “Why did I say that to my son?”, and found the answers, “perhaps, I’d felt taken, and believed that my son owed me an apology!”, a decade ago, my mother’s words had, helped taken the burden off, and I’d wondered, “Did she say that, because she didn’t want me to carry it for the rest of my life?”, after all, the tears that streamed down her cheeks, were all, very real.
Yep, if my son can actually, apologize for what happened on this very day, I’m sure, I’ll be like my mother too, told him, “oh, did that actually happen? I don’t recall…”
And so, as this woman is now a mother, she could, better understood how her mother felt back then, and sometimes, it takes us years, to realize, something that we did, or shouldn’t do, and, sometimes, when we realized we’d done wrong, and wanted to apologize, it’s, too little, too late, but, at least, this mother realized this now, and, she is still on good terms, with her own son.