From the Caretakers’ journal, from the papers, translated…
“To me, Alzheimer’s is like watching my loved ones, falling into that abyss, and even as I’d reached out to him, I still, can’t pull him back out”, the Performing Workshop’s executive producer, Ting recently took a new challenge, used the illustrated book, “My Grandfather’s Coffee Times”. It’s about dementia, because Ting’s mother who’d passed away, also was, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and so, she’d felt, that special connection with the subject matter.
From before, Ting’s mother prided herself on being able-bodied, took care of everything big and small in her household, is a healthy mom, who didn’t need her kids to worry over her too much. But as she’d become, demented, she’d felt, that everybody was taking time away from their lives, to take care of her, Ting felt awful for her mother, because she knew her mother’s anger and anxieties, although she couldn’t say it aloud, but she knew, that her mother was, in an awful mood a lot.
After she’d discovered that her mother was demented, in order to take her mother to the doctors, and her mother disliked going to see the physicians, Ting thought of many ways, she’d even, written out a script, with her husband pretending he was ill, and needed her mother accompanying. But as they’d “coaxed” her mother into the clinic, as the doctor started inquiring of her mother’s conditions, it’d, angered her mother, on the one hand, she didn’t know why her children had, lied to her to get her to see the doctor, secondly, she doesn’t think she was ill, and, toward the physician’s inquiry, she’d always replied, “I’m fine, strong as an ox”.
Her mother became very agitated, angered easily, especially when there are minute details in her home that’s changed, she’d, gotten mad, for no apparent reasons at all. As Ting watched her mother get angry, she’d felt heartache for her, because her mother had no idea why she’s getting so worked up, there’s this, anger that rose from inside of her, with no just cause, she knew how painful this was.
One time, as she took her mother out, and she’d needed to go to the restroom, Ting’s mother is very cleanly, and Ting went into the stalls to wash off the toilets, and, as her mother saw her go in and out of the stalls, she’d said lightly, “Thank you”. Ting told, that her mother’s word almost, caused her meltdown, this was something that an offspring is supposed to do. She was more distraught, on “why would my parents need to take these sorts of things toward the end of their lives?”, but she’d also know, that “this is life!”
The play she’d written the scripts for, “The Eternal Time of Coffee”, was from the Yuantai Group’s founder’s daughter, documenting her own father’s life, on how the youngest grandson, Han-Han after grandpa became demented, had more time to spend with his grandpa, and he’d found, that grandpa, who’d seemed to be demented and forgetful, found back the memories of his love through coffee.
Ting believed, that the government should pay more attention to the issue of dementia, she’s glad she has four siblings, that there are, five of them who can, take turns, looking after their mother. But from the illustrated book, as well as all of her friends’ families, there would be a need for enough people, and enough money, to take care of the demented elderly better.
She’d also stressed the importance of the family members, in actuality, there’s, NO set method to caretaking, Ting knew, that a lot of families are arguing over this, that this arguing, is merely, a process, to offer the best kind of care to the demented elderly. She’d argued with her siblings too, but in the end, they all realized, that they were, arguing because of that elderly parent in their family, that only when they all worked together, they can, get through this hard time of their lives together.
And so, this, is one woman’s experience, is finally finding a working way, for her and her siblings, to take care of her demented mother, and, this is something that happens, to every family with a demented elderly parent, because at the start of the onset of dementia, it may not show up, and yet, as the elderly parent deteriorated more and more by the day, then, the children would have to find a way that works for all of them, to share the responsibilities of caretaking, this is, a difficult process, but, a lot of people are going through it, because there are, more and more of the elderly populations that are, getting diagnosed with dementia, as human lifespan grows longer and longer, and longer…