Teaching your young, to protect herself, to fight for her own rights, to set up the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable with the other children on the playgrounds, translated…
As I’d picked Niu-Niu up from kindergarten last week, as she saw me, she’d, changed the way she’d looked, smiling so sweetly, instead, I saw tears, streaming down her cheeks. The teacher came over to explain, that during snack time, Niu-Niu’s bowl was tipped over by her classmate, Rui-Rui, the red bean soup spilled all over the table, her clothes were wet too, but thankfully, she didn’t get burned. As the teacher spoke, she kept, apologizing on Rui-Rui’s behalf.
As we got into the car, I’d asked Niu-Niu exactly what happened. Niu-Niu cried and told, “Today, the teacher changed our seats, changed me to Rui-Rui’s group.” “Why did she switch your seat?” her mother was confused, “because nobody wanted to sit with Rui-Rui, the teacher selected Hsuang-Hsuang, Wei-Wei, and me, to sit in his group”. “Then, why did Rui-Rui tip over your soup? Did he do it on purpose? Or, was he simply just, too careless?” Niu-Niu started wailing now. “I don’t know, at first, Rui-Rui kept shaking the tables, Hsuang-Hsuang’s soup spilled out, then, he’d, pushed my bowl and spilled my soup.”
As parents, all of us treated our own young like cherished treasures. Niu-Niu’s easygoing temperament, other than being our pride, it’d always, gained the likes from her classmates as well as her teachers too, but, it’s also, what worried us. Every time we’d gone to the parks to play, she was always the one who’d stood in line the longest, because whether it be someone cut in front of her, or someone rammed into her, she’d, automatically, stepped back. Even as she was about to slide down on the slides, she’d, followed our rules, to staying on top, to not slide down and hit other children; and yet, before the children left the slides, those who stood in line behind her already, pushed her down, so they can take their turns. And, even as we’d stood guard, we still, couldn’t, prevent her from being pushed down.
Niu-Niu had done well, learning the way we taught her to treat other children, but after this incident, I couldn’t help, but wondered, was the way we’d trained her, to be gentle and kind, really suiting her well? Then, I’d recalled, a passage in the book written by Confucius, that he’d used two separate methods, to teach two of his students who were very far apart in their temperaments, and, as a father, should I not, also, do as Confucius done, with my own young too.
I’d started teaching my daughter the importance, of protecting herself in not breaking the rules of the groups. That in the forefront of not hurting anybody, or picking on someone, she’d needed to, fight for her own rights. If someone cut in line, verbally warn the other children, that they should, get in line; if someone tries to hit you, grab the other child’s hand, tell the person NO; if someone acted up or picked on you, you need to tell them straight, I don’t like it. As all of these measures of self-preservations failed, you’d still needed to find other ways, whether it be going to the teacher, the other adults, the parents, you can’t let the bullies keep bullying you around.
And so, dad became the bad guy, and after a few practice, we were, glad to see Niu-Niu, playing on the playgrounds with more confidence, and, she’d become, more generous and more at ease than before. Perhaps, at the moment, the child can’t notice her/his own change, but as their parents, we are, feeling more at ease, letting go, and we’re, glad, that the changes our own young bring to the group. WE hope, that with this smallest kind of change can, cause more changes for the better.
And so, the way the parents taught this young child from before didn’t work, it’d made her an easy target, pushed and shoved around by other kids in the group, so, the parents came up with another way of teaching their young, to fight for her own rights, and, after the child learned it, she’d started playing, with more confidence with other children on the playgrounds.
Life, the Obstacle Course 