You gave yourself a scare, and, you’re now, more tentative, to the warning signs of your body, because of it! Translated…
I’m Sixty-Two. The March Shortly After My Birthday, My Blood Flowed Along the Arteries, on its Journey, Apparently, It’d Bumped into Something it Can’t, Surpasses, and Waited for the Blockage to Get Cleared. I’d Suddenly Decided to Get on a Flight Back to Taiwan, without Knowing, that My Life or Death Was to Happen on This Trip………
The sun at ten in the morn, seemed to have, set a leisurely pace for this short train ride. More importantly, as I’d turned around, somewhat in a dazed, with that scent of fatigue, the sunshine and the slow moving train, seemed to, become this sort of a heat in the air! And, there was, this lack of scent, that’s made me, more aware, of the impacts of my cells. Houtong, Chidu, Nuan-Nuan………as several of the familiar stations passed in and out of my ears, the train slowly, took the huge turns around the bay; at this time, we’d, passed through one, two mountains, then, the oceans became, a gentle traveler, after bidding farewell, started, greeting me, “It’s quite late! Are you, all right?”, the gentle sunshine was a good wife, and, as it’d, asked me, it’d, embraced a man who’d, unknowingly, landed in the darkness out! And so, the man started, recalling the scene that were, hidden inside the cameras, especially, those moments that’s happened, during the past few hours, past few days! The man smiled, and, felt that bitterness, coupled with ease. And so, he’d, traced back to the blood, journeying inside his body.
This man was me. And the fears, came in the middle of the nights. At a youth hostel in Hong Kong. I at alone on the couch in front of the T.V., as it’d, gone on a rhythm all its own. And yet, I’d felt that, unsettlement, growing, expanding throughout the entire space. Somewhere between ten and midnight, I’d, lain back down, with that invisible stone pressed hard against my chest, still heavy! I couldn’t, fall asleep………a remote control button…the T.V. replayed the scene earlier…going to take a shower, thought it was, a way, to relieve the stress. But it still, didn’t, get rid of my fatigue. A warning, combined with my wild imaginations, I’d, tossed and turned in bed, disbelieved, that I’d be, related to myocardio infarction in any way………as I rose back up, it was, already three in the morn. My anxiety, couple with my blood pressure, rushed up to my brain. I’d decided, to give my friend, Rui-Han, an annoying call, after I’d told him what was up with me, I’d, gone into the E.R. on my own.
As the cab arrived at the E.R. It was, a hospital on a small slope. My good friend, Jiao-Ru Mo—hair all white, arrived very shortly thereafter. We were like, two naughty children, ran away from home, escaped, from the huge jungles of the large residential buildings. As it was darkened, we’d, looked at one another with a heavy heart, and, sighed, then, hung our heads down low. Afterwards, the white surgical robes, slowly moved along, a senior nurse came, gave me a shot on the abdomen. Back then, I’d already, checked into the E.R., with my good friend, finishing up the paper works.
“Do wait here for a bit……we are sending you up to the twelfth floor, to the E.R……”, that nurse who’d, kept a straight face finally stated.
“Can I return and just wait for the results after I get checked?” I’d, asked, my friend translated it from Mandarin to Cantonese for me.
“You need to be hospitalized…if you leave……we couldn’t, guarantee your safety”, the nurse finally, with a thick Cantonese accent, spoke to me, made sure I’d understood I needed to get, hospitalized.
It’s late night in the I.C.U. The staff used a low voice, and walked between the halls and the beds. This pacing, was a familiar, sort of a habit. A young nurse walked close to my bed, asked me in Mandarin, “Is everything okay? The ECG and the ultrasound showed there’s not that much damage to your heart, but you need to wait for your blood test results!” I lay back down, and asked the nurse to lift my bed to a forty-five-degree angle. I’d, closed my eyes, but sleep stayed away, I’d guessed on, it’s, probably, early in the morn now. Maybe, close to noon even! After the results, I should be able to, get back to my workshop then. I’d mumbled to myself, and, closed my eyes again, wanted to use recalling my work, to help me sleep. Inside my mind, there were the migrated Chinese women who’d gone to my workshop for the first time I’d held it, how they were, very direct, and smiling at me, it’d, made me stayed awake. From the windows I’d looked out, and imagined a completely strange city, that I’d, feared. The I.C.U. usually used the drip that hung high, to show that the bodies are, still there, breathing. Still there, and breathing, there’s, NO other kind of simplified existence; and yet, at that very moment, it didn’t, feel like so. With the curtains separating the beds, there may be, a dying body, next to one’s own.
“Dad!” “Honey!” Every now and then, there would be a patient who’d, readjusted oneself, and caused this sort of an exclaim, I kept hearing, these sounds repeatedly. With a bit sorrow, some sobbing, and yet, with that belated regret. Death, if it were, only a flat line on the monitor, slowly, taking over. This flat line, toward the dying of the body, was like, marching into, that deep dark abyss, or, entering into a blackhole; and yet, the imaginations of where the spirits would go, would pull death, into yet, another, unknown dimension. I’d felt, that within the curtains, the quieting of the calls, slowly, dying! What came up was, the Buddhist chants, from the hand radio…………and, on my chest, there seemed to be, a lead cloud, with death, attached to it.
This sort of experience death around myself, although, there was, that curtain that’s, separated us. It’d felt, very intimate, in the senses. This was probably, from the negative associations with my own myocardio infarction. I’d, closed my eyes, too fatigued, but still couldn’t sleep. Fearing, that I may be like the man over in the next bed, fallen, into, a continual sleep. I’d needed to, hold on, but, I’d, only lasted, until the buzzer went off! “Sir, your examination results are out…” the medical staff stated, as a young looking doctor, with that tensed look on his face came over. “The results were, abnormal……we suspect, that you have, a clogged artery…you need to, stay in the hospitals for another three days for observation., and, after you returned to Taiwan, you need to, check into a hospital, for a more thorough examination”. That was, the doctor’s conclusion, very affirmative. Although, the nurse translated it into Mandarin for me, but I’d, understood the doctor perfectly.
WAs that it? I’d started, panicking! Because, I’d not planned, to get this sort of a treatment away. Although, this had to do, with my life or death! I’d, struggled for, about an hour, and, consulted my doctor friend in Taiwan, and notified by dear wife. On the other end, she’d kept her calm. Let me decide, to end the trip to Hong Kong and fly straight back to Taiwan, and, from the airport, I was, rushed to the E.R. And just like so, the journey of my blood within me, was about, to begin! But, it’d, run for several more years on end.
I’d just turned 62. On that March day, shortly after my birthday, my blood had a road bump in my arteries, waited to pass. I’d, decided, to take the flight back to Taiwan, and, my life or death also, rested on this flight too. Because, as the doctor in Hong Kong signed off on my journey back to Taiwan, he’d wrote, “Life Risk”.
On that evening I was on the flight, my body felt fine, and, as I’d arrived, safely in the airport in Taoyuan…I’d, rushed, straight over, to the E.R. of the N.T.U. Hospital.
That was, the journey of blood of my body. Two days after I got hospitalized, I’d started, living with the heart stents. And now, I’m, slowly, watching my body to note its changes.
So, it must’ve been, very scary, imagine that you may die, in a foreign place, without your loved ones, huh? But, it’s all in your head, you’re time’s NOT up, and, the lesson you’d learned from this, is to take things slowly, to NOT strain yourself, to keep a healthy diet, and you still have the chance, to put all these lessons you’d learned on this trip to practice!