Do I sense…oh hi, what’s up, regret??? On filial relations, translated…
Both my parents are quite conservative, rarely verbally disclosed their love toward one another, nor had they told us that they loved us, we can only, feel how much they cared, through what’s going on daily; this seemed, to be, the way our family showed love to one another most naturally, as I’d become a mother myself, I’d, treated my own family like so, kept the love inside of my heart, and not spoken up about it.
Four years ago, my father started needing dialysis, and had to stay at the nursing home set up by the hospital to be looked after, until he died, he’d never gotten his wish of coming back home, it’d, made us blame ourselves for it.
Later, through a lot of words of mouth, we’d learned, that my father did a ton of good deeds, without anybody’s knowing it; at the same time of being proud to be his daughter, I also felt regrettable, that I’d not told him how much I loved him when he was still living. That day, I saw my mother in her eighties, having a hard time, moving around, so thin, I could no longer hold it in, I’d, rushed over to her, wrapped my arms tightly around her, “Mom, I love you” flowed naturally out of my lips. Turns out, it wasn’t, that hard at all, to say the love aloud, in the moment we hugged, we both felt our warm hearts beating, along with how much love we’d carried for one another.
And the me now, I can already, naturally, told my daughters and my husband I love them. I think, as my father’s memorial come, I will, head over to his shrine, and state, “dad, I love you” aloud, hoping he could hear me, and I hope to see him, smiling back at me in my dreams too.
Sometimes, it takes you losing someone you love dearly, to realize, that you need to do something, because sometimes, showing how much you love someone in actions may not be enough, sometimes, people would need that confirmation of your love, verbally, and this woman had, learned that lesson, after she’d lost her own father, and that would be, a very important lesson, that death had, taught to her!