What I’d Learned from My Elders

What you learned, as you become older, as the years come to pass, translated…

When I was thirty years old, I’d heard an elder in his sixties told me, that it’s important, that I buy my house next to a major hospital, that way it’d be more convenient to get treated by the doctors. Back then, I’d felt weird, just heard that it’s important to buy a property in a good neighborhood with the high-end schools for the kids, whereas living close to the hospital, there would be sirens sounding off, how would it be fitting to live close to that? A short while ago, I’d gone to visit two of my elders who were both demented, I’d gotten a brand new understanding of what that elder was talking about.

One of them was the mother of my friend, ninety-one years old, she’d fallen and had a facture in her let hand, was just sent home; her children were kind enough, to remodel her suite, changed the tub in the bathrooms to a shower stall, so it would be easy for her to get in and out with her wheelchair, bought her a bathing wheelchair too, the electric bed, along with the air-filled mattress, with the light and warm silk quilt, so the elder wouldn’t feel that she was bedridden and ill, with a long couch next to the bed, to be used as the bed for the caretaker.

Another was my distant relative, at the age of ninety-three, he had a stroke on the left hemisphere, causing him to become weak on the right side, with the compounded condition of aphasia, the foreign nurse and his children were close by at all times.

These two elders are quite well economically, were able to hire someone to look after them at home, the children are all very wonderful, and retired, and can take turns looking after them, but, how many families fall under these criteria? Even so, going back to the regular medical treatment sessions would prove to be problematic, for instance, the paralyzed elder would have problem to get on the cabs or one’s own cars in a wheelchair, but it isn’t serious enough that an ambulance should be called. If they lived next to the hospitals, when the conditions happen, the rescue time would be shortened, and, as they’re elderly, and became immobilized, it would be easier for them to get to and from the hospitals too.

There’s this depth of understanding of the needs being different at the various ages, for instance, when we’re younger, we loved the window seats on the airplanes when we traveled, looking at the scenes on the outside, taking the photos; as we grow older, the conveniences of getting to the restrooms easier became more important, and so, we’d selected the aisle seats. Now, as I’d gone in line at the restrooms at the MRT, I can finally understand why the elders would have the rest of the people who were standing in line go first, as they’d waited for the handicapped space, she’d wanted to have the seated toilets, because the knees are no longer fitted for squatting down, so, as you take an elder out to eat, do make sure that there’s the seated toilets in the restaurants.

There’s a different culture with every generation, and the personal differences increases with age too, didn’t we hear the elderly wives complain of their elderly husbands, “getting more stubborn with age”, and the elderly husbands complained “becoming more of a nag” of their wives too? So I’d often shared with my friends, we not only need to accept our selves growing older, we must also cherish the families, the friendships, to NOT change our husbands or wives, as well as our old friends too; those friends with whom we’re not really close to, if you have an issue with the way they did things, just don’t spend time with them, save the time for yourselves.

In order to cherish my reduced time, and my limited strengths, I’d done within my limits, hiking or climbing the peaks, I’d started climbing up the milder hills, or just, taken walks in the parks, I’d get the same effect from the exercises. We need more empathy for those who are older than we are, because we may end up just like them; and, we must tolerate those younger generations who rammed from place to place, because we were once where they are, it’s just, that it wasn’t their time yet; and, for the clerk who felt I was a bit slower, pulling the money out of my wallet, I’d believed, that it was because he was overwhelmed with the amount of work, that he was, trying to make as many sales as he possibly can.

Past age sixty, I’d worked hard, troubled too, gotten ill, and, as I’d thought about how I’m still able to live on my own, free and hike as I pleased, travel, writing, and reading, I’m more than grateful for that. The future may be long, and, there would be more of those who are overcome with dementia or progressive conditions; those around you may stay by your side for life, and maybe, there are going to those whom you don’t get to say your proper goodbyes too, this won’t be in our control. What we can do right now, is work and walk from day to day, step, by step, living each and every day happy, and to its fullest potential.

So, this is what the writer had, come to understand, with her observations of the aging population from around her, and, she’d gained that sense of empathy toward those who are older, and gained more tolerance for those who are from the younger generations.