Giving isn’t a good thing, when the recipient didn’t want it! A lesson learned, from the hired help, translated…
During the New Year’s holidays, my eldest sister-in-law took the Indonesian nurse’s aide, Mimi who was there to take care of my mother-in-law out for some fresh air, and to get some things she wanted at the Southeast Asian specialty shops.
Several hours later, the two of them hauled in the winnings, we’d made fun of them, that when they go out, they’d come back, with EVERYTHING in the shops, but my eldest sister-in-law shook her head, said, “But I’d not bought anything at all, everything is Mimi’s!”
Mimi started pulling out the items out of the various shopping bags excitedly, and shared with us what she’d bought, the clothes, the sneakers, the sunglasses. And, Mimi tried each and every item on, and told me how much each item cost, I couldn’t help but hollered, “Mimi, you’re willing to spend over a thousand dollars on a sweater?”, she’d replied back in her not-yet-fluent-enough Chinese, “They’re all very pretty, Mimi likes them, Mimi is happy!”
Mimi told us, that her former employer was very generous, given her a ton of clothes, but none of which she liked, but because she didn’t feel right, turning down the kindness of the employer, she’d, put them on, but she’d always wanted to get the styles that she loved. Being straightforward, she’d told us, “Thankfully, you all never gave me any clothes, so I can shop for myself!”
This made me think. From before, my father had an Indonesian nurse’s aide, Anna, we’d always given her the clothes we couldn’t fit in anymore, and she’d thanked us and taken them. Later as she’d gone shopping in the marketplaces, bought some new clothes, my mother would always nagged, “Sisters had given you so much clothes already, why did you buy more? Wouldn’t it be better, had you, saved all your money?”
Perhaps, from before, Anna had the same thoughts as Mimi, and yet, being women, we’d, forgotten, that we all wanted to “look pretty, to be ourselves”. I’m truly grateful for Mimi’s being so truthful, and outspoken about things, she’d taught me a valuable lesson—as we gave, we should, pay more attention to how those who’d received what we gave felt.
And so, a lot of the people who’d hired the foreign helpers believed, that it’s an ACT of kindness, that they’d given their used clothes (of course, still in good conditions!) to the family helpers, without realizing, that hey, they may have a different style, and yet, a lot of people here keep blindly believe, that this, was kindness toward the people we’d hired to do the household chores, to help out with caring for our elderly family members.
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