A Young Mom

How values can pass from the parents to the children, without it being instilled intentionally, how children learn, translated…

My best friend became a mother of two, and, I was trained, to be, a mommy junior too.

From before when Ms. Crystal and I met, we’d always gone to the café. We’d especially loved that outdoorsy space, sitting under the sun, squinted our eyes, sipping on the lattes. Think on it, five, six years ago, I was, drinking the milk and no sugar in the espressos (now, I enjoy the single servings of the drinks), and, now I would get excited over the ice lattes, with the cold milk foams on top.

Ms. Crystal worked very fast, in three years, she’d become, a mother of two young boys. She rarely had the chances to go to the cafés now, when she’d wanted the lattes, she’d needed to pour in the black coffees from the pot at home, then, pour in the milk herself. As we met now, whether it be birthday celebration, or just a regular gathering, it’s all at her house. This, I suppose, is the connectedness of friends of a first time mother and a single woman.

Ms. Crystal and I both loved chocolates, and every year around our birthdays, we’d always, selected the cakes with the richest chocolate taste. But since she had children, our choices would shift between the fruity varieties (she’d told me that children can’t have chocolates). Being born in the right seasons, I’d normally selected the strawberry cakes. The strawberry cakes are very gentle, a twelve-inch cake, we can each have two slices, and, finish it up. But not for the chocolates, we can only have one small slice at a time. And, after these past couple of years, I am no longer, familiar with that heaviness of the chocolate flavored cakes.

That day after we’d had our strawberry cakes, Ms. Crystal’s eldest son, Ian and I, lay on the living room’s huge glass pane window, trying to take our naps. Having guests was a huge thing for him, so he’d naturally, not wanted to sleep, he’d shared eagerly with me all the toys he had, and asked me to participate in the games he’d, created.

There was a small whiteboard underneath the window, with a ton of things on it; several of the magnets had the animal printed on, with the Chinese and English words. As I’d turned my head, I saw that gray rat magnet that looked too real, because I was so thrilled, I’d subconsciously stated, “Rats are so scary.” At this time, Ms. Crystal who was breastfeeding close by told me with a serious tone, “Do NOT enforce your own values to the kids.”, I’d become, stunned a bit, and then, Ian was laughing, stating, “The rats are, so scary!”

Ms. Crystal mentioned, how once she’d taken the kids for a walk, and Ian found a rat passing by them, he’d hollered in excitement. She’d worked really hard, to suppress her own fears, plainly told her son, “Then, Ian, do be careful, don’t let him run into you.” She told me it was truly hard, that it was something she had to learn.

I’d recalled how I’d taken my dog to hike, some of the kids loved dogs, and wanted to pat it; and some of the kids became very fearful, and start to cry, before we got near, the children are already with tears. And because of this, I’d found there to be two sorts of parents, one would say to the child, “Dogs are cute, you need to pat them lightly, and don’t hurt them.” and there’s another, “Don’t go near, the dog will bite you”, and every time as I’d heard the second kind of response, I can’t help but think, “There’s, one more person who would be afraid of dogs later.”

But, the words that were already spoken, I wouldn’t know how to change it, so I can only ask Ian, “Are there other magnets?” Ian took one off the board, placed it on his hand, called aloud, “Cockroach.”, then, handed it to me.

I’d glared at Ms. Crystal, took the magnet, and, attempted, to hide my preferences, not wanting to show it. Ian came close to me, and, started, feeling around the roach. Then suddenly, I’d imagined, that if the lines were, erased, then, there would only be, color. It’d felt like a great burden had been, lifted, I’d smiled and said, “Cockroach, it’s brown”. As Ian heard, he’d flashed that row of small teeth, said, “Brown, brown, chocolate is also brown too.”, I’d laughed out loud, couldn’t stop myself. And, Ian followed my lead, laughing without knowing why too.

In the end, I’d heard Ms. Crystals who was breastfeeding stated, “Thankfully, he’d known, that he can’t have any now.”

And so, this mom is raising her young inside a bubble, not letting the child touch anything that scared her, and, by doing this, she’s, instilling her own values, her own likes and dislikes, into the minds of her young, and she doesn’t even know it, but, she’d become aware, when the writer do the same, how interesting to see, how we often only, noted the behaviors in others that we don’t like, but when we do the same behaviors, we have no awareness over it!