Hardships coming her way, in caring for her elderly demented father, translated…
In order to care for her aging mother who was already showing signs of deterioration, my coworker, M, with whom I’d gotten along very well decided to retire early, and as I’d heard the news, I’d felt, awful for her, another case of looking after the aging and the ill parents because she lived at home, and, is it, that the single children who always become, the primary care provider of their, elderly parents?
M’s older sister lived in Shanghai with her husband, her younger sister lives and works in the U.S., her younger brother works in Jiangsu, she, who is not yet married, lived with her parents; about twenty years back, M’s father was diagnosed with lymphoma, she and her mother handled the caretaking all on their own personally, with the siblings that scattered throughout the world only coming and going when they had the time. For many years, M’s father’s condition was, stabilized, it’d not come back, nor had it, metastasized, the two of them, mother and daughter were, really happy about it, but they’re still sitting on eggshells.
Starting last year, M found that as her mother prepared the meals, she’d either forgotten to add the salt, or that she’d, added too much salt; and, as she’d gone shopping for groceries, she’d, all of a sudden, forget how to get home, thankfully, she’d still remembered to call M, to come and pick her up. M immediately took her mother to get checked, and, the doctor’s diagnosis made her forced herself, to accept the cruel reality. She’d not felt right, sending her mother alone to live in assisted living, after struggling with this for a bit, she’d, decided, to retire. Thinking of how M is on the path of no return in this long winding long-term care, I, who’d gone through the same thing already, felt really worried over her.
Back then, as my mother took care of my demented father for over a decade, she’d not only worried her hair all white, she’d, left us early, later, my dad moved in with me, and, every time I’d come home from work, he’d inquired, “where’s your mother? Hadn’t seen her the whole day?”, and I can only, divert his attention, but, I feel my heart, aching so bad.
My older and younger brothers both worked in China, and naturally, dad came, to live with me, he’d, raised me, and, as he’d become old and ill, naturally, I’d, given back to him, how can I just, abandon him? As my siblings came home to visit, seeing how dad was sleep and eating well, they’d told me, “it’d been, hard on you!”, but, these genuine sounding words, are they, the exact same as understanding the trials I’d weathered through, caring for my father? I’m not complaining, but still, only the ones who are looking after the demented elderly in person, will know how it truly is.
I’d kept reminding M, to NOT go at it all alone, suggested that she’d needed to, demand her siblings from overseas to schedule the time to come back here, to take turns looking after her demented father, so she can have room to breathe, so she won’t, strain herself out. Don’t think that as the elderly become demented, they’d still known, how much heart their children are putting in, to care for them, and we must, prevent it from becoming, another brand new disaster all its own.
M was responsible for caring for both her parents, and, unlike me, with my husband by my side, she must have it, even harder, than I do, I’m sure, she’d, already, set everything up, I hope, that the road to long-term care for her, would be, less bumpy, and that good things will be, coming her way, because how much care and concern she’d, put into, looking after her own parents.
So, this woman, is fighting on her own, in the care of her own elderly demented father, and, this would be, very difficult, because although she had two brothers, they both don’t live in Taiwan, and, with their work, chances are, they’ll only be, coming back here to stay for short-term, and she would be, the primary caretaker of her own, demented father, and hopefully, this woman will have her schedules planned out, so she can get away when she needed to, to get a breather…
Life, the Obstacle Course 