A lesson in parenting, learned, from the interactions that she had with her own young son, translated…
In recent six months, I’d started a language experiment for myself—as I’d talked, I’d, tried avoiding the word “no”, especially when I talked to the kids.
The origins of this experiment came from the youngest son who is three years of age, this young kid may have inherited my rebelliousness and that heart made of glass, only hears what mommy didn’t want him to do, and, couldn’t put up with the cruelties of me, telling him no; and so, he’d acted like a rebelling serviceman a minute, then, become this, softened, crying little man, and, it’d, caused me, to need to react to his style of engagement so quickly, that I’d not even, have the energies for anything else.
One day, it’d, dawned on me, seeing how saying “no” to him always turn tragic, he’d, not changed his mindset, so, I will, relay my messages to him in an alternative manner, perhaps, things will, improve from there.
And so, for the days that followed, when he’d rammed like a mad bull throughout the house, I’d changed “stop running” to “walk slowly”. When he’d forgotten his volume control knob when we were out, I’d altered my “be quiet” toward him to “tone it down a bit, child”. When he’d stood in front of that “Do-Not-Touch” sign, I’d explained, how he can only, look, with his two eyes. When he’d told me he’d wanted to play for ten more minutes, I’d not immediately told him no, instead, I’d explained to him, “If you get ten extra minutes now here, then, mommy will have ten minutes less to tell you bedtime stories!”
And slowly, I’d found, as I’d, adjusted my use of words to him, I was actually, altering my own thought processes. Behind “No”, or “Don’t do that”, means that I only see the negatives, but I’d not, guided my son, to do what was right. And, the “No”, I’d spoken aloud became, a negation that’s, too subjective and authoritarian. At this time, the mother’s will became like a sift, and, any of the demands that didn’t fit are all, blocked, and, my young son’s thoughts and feelings were, ejected, during this process.
Turns out, the me that said “no” was so unthoughtful. My “no” wasn’t only interpreted by my son as toward a behavior of a motion, but, to my son. And, only as I’d, let this instinctive, overly used word go away, I can begin, to think about “how to convey to him what I want him to do in an alternative method”, and gotten to better understand, what was, going on, inside of my young son.
The child’s heart is, soft and sensitive. Their rebelliousness and anger, sometimes, were a reaction to our brute and unconsidered hurting them. As I’d started, practicing stop saying “no”, it doesn’t mean, that I’d, let my rules slide, it’s just, that I’m using saying no, to remind myself, to let go of my adult pride, my know-it-all, learn, to get closer, to my own son’s heart, at the same time, reply, back to his heart, more gently.
So, this, would be a lesson a parent learned, from interacting with her young son, because children at that young an age, couldn’t express themselves that well, their language cortexes aren’t as developed as adults’ yet, and so, this mother made a change to her own behavior, and her change had, gotten her to relate more closely to her own young compared to before. Imagine how much differences there can be, if you, STUPID parents all made a small change like this mother had…