Lesson in getting along with one another, from experiences, translated…
We’d often heard, the problems that existed, between mothers and daughters-in-law, and I’d wanted to share my tale. My situation is unlike most of others, my mother-in-law is quite young, we’re only, twenty years apart, and, because of this small age differences, our frictions of the values, were, reduced greatly.
As a daughter-in-law marries, the most differences are in daily living routines; living together long-term, we’d naturally, needed to, adjust ourselves. I believe, the role of the husband is too important here, but, not so much so, that the husband stands on the side of the mother or the wife specifically. I’d gotten to know the habits of my in-law’s living styles, and, some of which, I’d not, fought hard to keep, instead, I’d, communicated with my husband when there’s just the two of us, and I’d never talked trash about any members of his family, or gossip about them either. Empathize, if your significant other talked trash about your side of the family constantly, how would you feel?
something, like this??? Not my picture…
And, having children brings about, the start, of another conflict. We’d often heard the complaints of the daughters’-in-law on how the mothers-in-law helped out with the month long recovery phase after birth, from the diet, to how to take care of the young. From when I got pregnant, I’d decided, to spend half of my month-long recovery phases in the afterbirth recovery center, and the other fifteen days, I’d, ordered the foods; I’m a person who’d hated troubling someone else, and so, as my economics permitted, I’d, selected a way, that made everybody at ease.
As I returned back to the workforce, my child is taken care of by my mother-in-law during the daytime, and I’d still paid her the nanny fees. I’d never believed, that it’s the natural rights of grandparents to raise their grandchildren, if I’m willing to pay for a nanny, then, wouldn’t it be better, if the money goes into the pockets of someone who’s closest to me? They have their own social circles, and, I was, blessed enough, that they were, willing, to help me out, besides, a lot of the elders were doing it, voluntarily.
And, leaving the kids to be raised by the elders, there would, naturally be the issues in the differences of education. Although my mother-in-law is very young, but, “I’d done this or that back then” still showed up from time to time. Being born in the 1980s, I’d gone by the books, but, if there’s not much differences in the childrearing practices, then, you shouldn’t, get into disagreements, after all, children aren’t robots, there’s NO one book that tells you, how to, raise a child up properly.
Besides, it’s, quite difficult, wanting the elders to raise your young your way, you can’t even follow those set up rules to the “t”, let alone, asking someone else to. The best way is to offer the assistance voluntarily, even IF you wanted your child to have a schedule, then, after the child wakes up at a set time, then, hand her/him over to the elders to take care of; if you don’t want your children to snack on junk foods, then, provide the elders with the healthier varieties for the elders to give to your young.
We’d loved comparing mothers vs. daughters and mothers-in-law vs. daughters-in-law, but the relationship in nature, is different. Actually, no matter the relationship, elders or younger generations, I believe, that empathy is key, treating each other with kindness, and, even when you’re right, you don’t have to be self-righteous about it, after all, it’s, due to affinity, that we’re, a family!
And so, this, is from a daughter-in-law’s perspective, and I’m sure, that this woman’s relationship with her mother-in-law wasn’t like this from the very start, because this is a lesson that’s, learned through the periods of time you and your daughters-in-law or mothers-in-law spent together, because it takes time, to get the differences between the families to smooth over.
Life, the Obstacle Course 