That Final Cup of Coffee, Thoughts of Losing You

Having the right, to CHOOSE how he wants to “go”, the right to decide, for the patients to make themselves, maintaining that final dignity, translated…

I’d, returned back to the room in the nursing home with my husband again, with my father-in-law’s eyes still shut, the only difference was, that the nurses had, changed him into clean shirt, and turned on the lamp that’s on his nightstand with a vase of fresh flower. The light shone on my father-in-law’s thin face, he’d looked, very peaceful, like he was, just in a deep sleep.

My thought was, awakened by the knocking on the door, the night nurses came by to pay their condolences, asked us if we’d wanted some coffee, we both said yes, and thanked her for her kindness, then, we’d, looked at the light, sipped on the coffees, still in disbelief, that my father-in-law had, just died.

My father-in-law had always been very healthy, he’d lost his beloved dog a couple of years ago, he’d lost, that companion for the walks, started losing strengths in his legs, and he’d started, losing his memories too. He’d not liked being looked after, and didn’t want to become a burden to us, he’d, checked into a nursing home himself, and my husband and I would take the weekends, to drive for an hour, with my father-in-law’s favorite snacks to visit him. Each time, he was really glad to see us, and, the nursing home was very kind in providing us with coffee, and biscuits for us. In these past couple of times, I’d noticed how my father-in-law appeared aged, and I’d known, that it was, only, a matter of time.

illustration from the papers…

Eleven days after my father-in-law passed his ninety-first birthday, the nursing home sent out a notice. We’d, rushed over, and we’d learned, that my father had a fall a couple of days ago, and, had another one, causing his left arm to get swollen; the nursing home gave him morphine for his pains, and patched him up, and not sending him to the hospital, was from the considerations that he’s, very elderly, that he would be, unfitted, for the pains and trials of getting examined by the machines. The doctor said, that my father’s arm injuries weren’t lethal, that even if there’s a confirmed fracture, they’d not considered surgeries, only gave him morphine for the pains, this, was from the considerations of the patients’. We’d recalled, how we’d interacted with him from before in the wards, he was in smiles, we’d made sure, that he was, in good hands, and we’d, completely agreed, with the nursing home’s arrangements.

The very next day we’d gone visiting him, he’d just, awakened from his nap, and didn’t, recognize us, and started speaking in English to us, “Love you see you!”, and drank the juice the nurse brought to him, pointed to my hair as well as the nurse’s, called out, “black! Black!”, then to my husband, “he is my first baby!”, he’d only spoken in English, he’d chimed on for over an hour, laughing and being chatty with us, then, raised his right arm high up in the air, waved goodbye to us.

The third day as we’d gone to see him, we’d thought we could see, the playful side of my father-in-law from the day before, but, that was that rejuvenation before death, he’d stopped eating, and drinking now. My husband asked the nurses, “Can’t you give him nutrition injections?”, the nurse explained, that injecting the artificial nutrients, will only make him more painful; that eating or not, should be up to the person to decide, this, was the end of life. But, from her years of experiences, she’d suggested that we’d stayed close to him, and talked to him; and we’d, gone to the nursing home every single day, stayed by his side, chatting with him on the goings on of our lives, and, my father-in-law, just like the nurse told, was reacting, until in the early evenings, he’d, swallowed down his last breath.

Watching how death “came easy” to my father-in-law in the five days, I’m grateful toward the nursing home’s following the highest rules of the hospice program, and more importantly, it’s the attitudes of the families. My husband and I sat before his bed, lost in deep thought, then we’d, raised that cup of coffee, toasted my father-in-law, “goodbye forever”!, then, after we’d drunk the cup of coffee, we’d, looked at my father-in-law one last time, and we’d, left him, and, as we’d, closed the doors, we’d, wished him a safe journey home.

And so, this, is how this elderly man, had the opportunities, to die on his own terms, he’d said his farewell to his loved ones, in his own way, and passed away, without pains or regrets, all thanks to this hospice that’s provided him with the best options.