A perfectionist parent, versus a son who’s fine, just “getting by”, translated…
“Daddy, how long will you be abroad this time?”, my youngest son inquired.
That was when I felt shocked, that I’d not, clearly told him of my travel plans this time. Don’t know if it was by accident, or if I’d, intended it. I seemed to have this sort of a talent, that I can, easily mix my life and work, then, become so trapped inside of the mixtures of work and life that I’d become, confused which is which.
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, this time, I’ll be away, about………”, I’d, used that sort of a way I’d, answered the inquiries of the press in front of the media like I work for the government again.
“It’s okay, it’s best, that you don’t tell me.”, it was surprising, that he’d, stated this.
“That way, when I see you again, I’ll feel, wow, dad’s home so soon!”
My two sons, as they’d, helped me get my luggage out onto the cab to take me to the airport. Their faces, swelled up, with tears, streaming down both their faces.
That was, from, a few years ago.
This time, I’d gone abroad, he’d become, silent. So unlike my dearly, beloved wife at all, without the will to use webcam to conference with me daily like her now. I’d felt, he’d, changed, that he’s, grown up. That he was, no longer that young child who’d, cried, and pulled on the doors of the car taking me to the airport, claiming, that I should, stuff him inside my suitcases and take him with me.
This time, I’d taken the advantage of the time I have left, and headed out to Kyoto on my own.
I’d felt, that I didn’t, belong to the natural-flow of travelers. Going to see the cherry blossoms, the northern lights, walking across the glaciers, hiking up the 100 tallest peaks in Taiwan, to chase the very first sunrise, or the final sunset of the year.
As I saw the maple leaves, yellow and red on that very first day, I’d felt, the magical properties of mother nature.
Seeing those leaves for the third day, I’d suddenly felt, that I could, never finish the entire thirty day trip of seeing the leaves of the autumn, this mission (hey, did I get, invited to this reality show?).
In the evenings, as I’d returned back to the residence I’d booked on Airbnb, lying there, on that small, single bed, sorted through the photos I’d taken these past few days, along with my own overflowing emotions. I’d opened up the app for photos on my cell, and slid all the way down, there were, the forests of red maples.
And, suddenly, I was, reminded of, my youngest son in Taipei. How he’d, loved the red colored Chinese traditional pastries with the turtle stamps on it from his grandmother who’d come to visit us from Chiayi.
“My dearly youngest son, are you, okay?”
I knew he was busy too. Working hard, during this period of time, for his sectional exams in school. But I’d, still, LINED a short message to him, “I’d heard, that you’d helped mom with the dishes, but, what else have you been doing?”, I’d, carried my own heart made of glass, to see, if, he’ll, reply back to me.
“Dearest dad, I’m fine.”, I’d, waited for about an hour, and finally came, his replies.
“I’d just found out, that I’d, received an eighty-one on my math exams.”, he’d stated.
“We’d added, several new fish to the tank we have at home too, the rest of them are fine.”
AT first, I was, a bit, stunned, by how he was, so “positive” as he’d, coped with that eighty-one he’d, made on his exam.
I’d started to feel, that his overtly optimistic nature, and a sense of heightened self-worth, was all from his mom.
“That’s good, but, the next time, you might want to, watch your back more!”
And so, this, is apparently, from a father who’d, expected his own son to make an A, and, perhaps, the son knew, that his father might be upset, about him making a low B, that would be why, he’d, “gone off the grid” for a bit………
Life, the Obstacle Course 