How children learn, on modeling behavior, translated…
It’s another loud, crying night again, our two children went to war with one another over toys. My older child had more skills, got the toy from his brother, and started gloating proud; my younger son felt bad, and started his tricks of crying first, making a scene, then, roll around on the floors, and as my wife tried to console them to share, it didn’t work, and so, she’d looked toward me, who was tidying up the room, hoped that I can put an end to this mess.
Normally, at this time, I’d picked up another toy and handed to my younger child, with my exaggerated smile and word usage, attempted to divert his attention, normally, this worked, but for some reasons, it didn’t that evening. After my younger child took the toy I gave him, he still wouldn’t stop crying, I’d reasoned with me all I possibly can, and he’d thrown the toy out of the room, to show his greatest anger. At the moment, I’d felt, I needed to, put an end to this AWFUL behavior, and spanked him on the butt (actually, he was in his diapers, which made it felt less impacting to him), and, my younger son cried even harder still and ran downstairs, to get his grandma, to have her right things for him.
As my mother arrived upstairs, she’d inquired about what happened? I’d told her, and she’d, laughed loudly, then, she’d turned to my younger son, asked him, who he’d, picked up throwing things down from? My second born pointed toward me, without a second thought, said, “Learned it from dad!”, I’m now confused, my second son continued, “every time daddy is angry, he’d thrown the teddy bear.” My mother smiled and told me, “Back when you were spanking your own son, you were actually, spanking yourself, whatever you’d done, your son will, model after.”
Thinking back after my emotions went overboard, I did, exert some signs of lashing out, in order to reduce the impacts of the damages from my own anger, I’d normally, picked up the smallest doll, and, I didn’t consider that my children was, watching my every move. My older son is in his second year of kindergarten this year, he’d learned to manage and control his own emotions more or less, but my younger son was only three, and naturally, he’d, watched and learned by my examples, and waited, until, the “right time”, to use what he’d observed. After all, we are, their best learning models, and, if when daddy gets made he throws things, why couldn’t he when he felt angry? And, if daddy gets angry and threw the Teddy, and grandma didn’t, spank him, how come when he got mad, and threw his toys, daddy had, spanked him? This had, shocked me, and, turned out, in the past when I was spanking my own young, I was actually, slapping myself across my own face, what hurt was my children’s buttocks, and yet, I’d, managed, to ruin that trust between us, father and sons.
Children are a mirror of the parents, whatever the parents did, the children will, model this is why the saying of “Actions before Words” is so important, and I’d needed to, keep in mind, that before I teach my own children, I’d needed to, think of how I’d acted, regularly.
And so, this, is a lesson LEARNED, by this father, after HIS own mother pointed it out that his own young children were, modeling AFTER him, and, before this, he’d never even realized this, (wow, are you guys all, too slow or what???) it wasn’t until his son threw his temper tantrum, and the events that followed his temper tantrum happened, did this man realize that he’d not set a good example for his own young, and now that he’d realized it, he is, surely, to watch what he does and say around his own young!
and here’s, one last example…
