On how to raise independent-thinking, well-rounded children, translated…
Every child is unique, and as parents and teachers, we must, respect the independent natures of our children, to allow our kids, who are like blank sheets of papers, to learn through play, to grow into being………behind these words of advice of the experts, are the endless blood, tears and sweats from the mothers!
I’d often think to myself, my children are so special! They are with their own thoughts (that’s why they never do what they were told), insisted on keeping their own separate paces (why they are uncontrolled by me), and play is king (so, if we get too serious with them, we LOSE!), but after they entered into the systems of education, the parents’ nature of cherishing the children’s independence, individuality would need to be micromanaged by the slow adaptation process, and to weigh in with the ordering of things, which caused the children who were originally, very different, in their separate unique shades, to become the items made from a production line, it’d made me so worry, that we may, never see them for who they originally were!
Children will eventually grow up, then, adapt themselves, to the ways of the adult world, it’s just, that in the process of their metamorphoses, how can we accompany them, help them—or maybe, there’s the pains, the trials they must, weather through, in order to become, adults………but, I’d still wanted my child to have the comfortable time with his real self.
This months, “The Morning Crew”, I’d called out the Yuanshan County’s farm ladies in Yilan (someone who’d failed on planting on her first try), the shop owner who owned a bookstore/vegetable stand (someone with troubles, keeping the books), the hat maker (the handcraft artist), and the parent who’d raised her own young wild, Sien-Huei Peng, to share how she managed to raise a child who’s, an orc with a strong heart, and less of a mind. Whether it be in reading, playing, or giving her son to the nature to raise, allow us to wait, as our kids grow into what they’re, supposed to become!
And so, the world is hard enough, and, as parents, we are NOT making life any easier for our own young, instead, we force them to grow up too fast, so they can FIT into those, BORING boxes that society fitted us in one by one!
The Mother Who Openly Admits to Her Own Imperfections & Her Children
I’d felt ashamed, every time I talked on the topic of childrearing, because there are so many issues with my son, that is why he is called an “orc”. He’s eleven this year, turning twelve soon, going into the first year of middle school this year, during his kindergarten, elementary years, the adults around him had suspicions that he may have Asperger’s or was ADHD, there’s nothing I can arguing about it, because my husband and I, we wouldn’t, consider ourselves, “normal”.
But, there would always be someone else worse, after the younger sister or our little orc, “pineapple” was born, he couldn’t, gain anything, every time now as he saw “Pineapple”, he’d wanted to dash out the door, and, he’d gotten so talked over by this young kindergartener, that all he could do was, walk away, and that was when I felt, that God is, more than fair. You’d asked me if I read stories to my children, back when my little orc was growing up, I had, but, Pineapple was the one, telling all the made-up tales to the adults, the same two parents, had these two totally opposite in character children.
Since the orc was in his second year of kindergarten, I’d stopped reading the volumes on parenting, my own small shop “Small vegetable bookstore” don’t have any volumes on parenting either, the authors that raised up FOUR Harvard students perfectly, is just, simply, too impossible for me; because I’m imperfect, and I don’t think I needed to be perfect, a life with the regrets, that, was what motivated me to keep moving forward, and by the time I’d come to understand this, my little orc was already in his elementary school years.
The rule of thumb of teaching children is to treat every child like s/he was your own young, but, the books seemed to have, neglected the caretakers’ states of mind, I’d often made fun of myself, that I’m, on a darker path to educating my young, actually, I was only just showing, the imperfections of the caretaker, and my own fragility is all, after all the parents were, raised by someone else, it’s not that we’d become parents, and we’d gained, our hearts of steel. Parents are a job, without the trial periods, although in this day and age, where there’s, an influx of information, there are, a ton of volumes on how to raise our young, but the emotions we go through individually, they’d found, no outlets, this was, from my own personal experiences.
A lot of times, I can’t means, I CAN’T, I don’t believe, that it’s wrong, letting our young see us at our most vulnerable, and toward those positive encouragements, I’d often felt, annoyed by them. I have a combination of vascular disorder and high blood pressure, since I’d stopped forcing myself to fit into that “good mom” box by others’ standards, I’d stopped, masking myself up in front of the kids, to pretend that everything was, okay when it isn’t; because people are bound to crack, and, no matter how young the children, they’re still, a part of the family, and how to accept one another for all of our imperfections, that, was what we’d been, working on.
As we’d sold the house in Taichung, and bought ourselves a chunk of land in Yilan to plant, there were the elders that believed that we weren’t, leaving anything for our children, but, what should we, leave for them? These things should be left to the families to decide independently of one another, house and savings, surely, that’s, nice, who wouldn’t want that? But, the legacies of love, of the children’s experiences of working hard for what they want in life, or giving them what they would need later on as they’re older early, that’s, not that bad an inheritance either.
The morning I started writing this, I’d found a short essay on FB, reason was that an orc who’s not studious, couldn’t perform that well in school started prepping his own breakfast when s/he was fourth or fifth grade, s/he’d gotten up at 6:45 in the morning, come rain or shine, and in these winter rainy days, that little orc still managed to, get himself up on time, headed to school on time, and I’d never caught him in bed later than he should be. And his younger sister, Pineapple would get up at seven-ish, although she couldn’t make her own breakfast like her older brother, but she could entertain herself in her bedroom by drawing, singing, or reading, waited until the adults get up, then take her to school. Of course, at the age of almost six, if she’s tired in the nighttime, she’d headed into her bedroom to sleep on her own, she’d not need an adult accompanying her. I’d written about it on FB, thought it was normal, something usual, but, I’d received a lot of comments, the other adults, who are also, parents all felt, that these two young children were very well-behaved, and it was, shocking to me, that they’d, felt that way.
It wasn’t that I’d taught my kids anything, but they can accept, that as everybody shared the same space, we can’t not interfere one another, and do our own things. Pineapple sang while she drew, and after she was doing drawing, she’d shown it to us, and I’d, given her critiques; I’d told her straight, if I couldn’t understand stand what she drew, or that I thought the piece she’d done was, beautiful, I’d not commended her for being a child Picasso just because she’s my child. As she’s in a good mood, she’d, laughed aloud with me, and if she wasn’t, then, she’d, stomped out of the room, but I’d believed, that we were able, to accept one another’s emotions no matter what. And the kids had come to the understanding of, not bugging mom when she’s sleeping.
I’d worried, that with my health problems, I may die before they’re grown up, and, this world usually has a ton of malice toward people too, and, how will my children learn to live, learn to love themselves, and get along well with themselves, without their mother, guiding them? This was the major worries, of a mom from the darker side of things. Living this life sturdily with honesty, that, is my biggest wish for my children, perhaps, it’s, close, and maybe, it’s, faraway, there’s, no way we can foretell, when the end is, nearing, but we will, keep on going.
And so, this mother is, training her young children to be independent, and her methods of only giving the general set of rules for her young, is working beautifully, because these children started learning about the limits of things, and, with the mother’s setting the general rules, the children learned to keep themselves in line, and this mother is, preparing her children for life well.