I Lost You

How easily, something that should’ve happened, never had the chance to occur? Like you were, to me.

I lost you, perhaps, even BEFORE I was born, as everything had already been, written in the stars (god DAMN those STUPID stars!!!), it’s just, that I had yet to, experience everything personally, physically, AND emotional/psychologically…

like this infant who never had the chance to take that very FIRST breath of life???  Photo from online

I lost you, that was it, all those volumes of children’s books I’d bought for you back in ’08 when I went back home (to TX???) sat there, inside of my cabinets, gathering DUST, I know, that they, missed you dearly, just as I had too.

I lost you, and there was, nothing else for me to do, I watched them, YANKED you away from my body, they’d, CUT that hole into my abdomen, and, I’d, just, bled out, not like when you nicked an artery, oh no, but like how you’d severed a vein, and the blood just, trickled out of your bodies drop by drop???

I lost you, and that empty void started, taking over my uterus, and, my uterus screamed out in pain, and I’d, muffled up my ears, trying to ignore its cries of pain, so I can, totally, rid myself of you.

I lost you, there was, nothing I could do, ‘cuz, it wasn’t even my fault, I was, a perfect child from the start, they were the ones who’d, FUCKED up their own god DAMN lives AND marriages, and let me with the consequences!

photo from online…

I lost you, and I refuse, to let you have a DEADBEAT father like I had had, who’d mistook his own parents’ ABUSE and NEGLECT as love, and I’m still not THAT M***ER F***ING (maxed out???) retarded here.

I lost you, there was, nothing left for me to say, and, I’d lost your two wonderful “uncles” (and no, they’re still FOUR-LEGGED) both to cancer, and I still remembered how long and hard Murphy was, made to suffer, because that BITCH EX-wife of his refused to put him down sooner!

And I’d already had, MORE THAN my SHARE of losses in this god DAMN F***ING (maxed out???) lifetime………