The Slightest Regret

How you’d, lost your friend, not because you don’t trust her, but because, of the many unknowns in both your futures back then, translated…

I was reading poetry, listening to Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto, I recalled, that this was supposed to be Bach’s most famous piece for a symphony, the music was at times, light and happy, and at times, very melancholic, enough, to take your heart places with it.  And so, with my eye on the lines of the poem, I’d started recalling some things.

That day, Kiki entered into my office with her steps light.  She is very personable, very conversational, quick-witted, and with a great sense of humor, as people talked to her, they would laugh a lot.  Back then, she was transitioning from jobs, but, having all her abilities, she’d quickly found work as the manager of purchasing for an openly traded firm.  The strict rules of that company said, that working in the post, the employees needed someone to vouch for them, and due to how important the position was, the person who’d vouched for the individuals must be established in work as well, and, the person needed to be the head of a company.  Kiki asked me to vouch for her, and spread open the letter from her new company before me, for me to sign it.

At that time, I’d stayed far off from the items relating to signing as someone’s guarantor, having heard so many stories on how families and relatives of people had, taken on the role of guarantor, and how it’d, ended up, ruin many families, plus my father had etched in our minds since we were children, that the Chinese character for “guarantee” was written with the character for “person”, and the character of “fool” next to it, I’d become hesitant.

“Don’t you trust me?”, Kiki asked.

“I just didn’t want to…didn’t want to, take on the responsibilities of all these risks.”  I’d stuttered.

“Don’t you trust my morality?”, she’d, pressed on.

“Of course I do, the you now.  But after many years from now?  People do change, you know?”

“So, you are not inclined, to trust me in the future, is that it?”

“I have no confidence toward the future whatsoever.”

And, ever since, there’s, that layer of dust that’s, covered over our friendship, and, we’d, drifted apart, and, finally, lost touch in the end.

Recalling this, I can’t help, but feel some regrets, I’d started assuming, that had I agreed, to become her guarantor, how would things be different right now?

A, if nothing major happened, we probably still be the best of friends.

B, if something happened, she’d escaped, with huge sums of money from her company, and made her way overseas, and, I’d had to, pay up her debts, ruining my own life.

And, by the time I’d, run my mind through these TWO basic assumptions, the regrets were, over as well.

So because although she is your friend, and someone you liked a lot, you still didn’t trust her enough, to be her guarantor, because, by guaranteeing for someone, you’re, signing on, that if something were to happen (like she can’t pay up the loans she took from the bank, or that she’d run away with the money from her company), you’d had to, be the one, who’d paid dearly, and that, is just such huge consequences you are not willing to take upon your shoulders for, and, that just showed, what KIND of a friend this woman is, she’s NOT a real friend, because real friends, don’t disconnect with you, if you turned them down!