Allowing his daughter, to take the time she’d needed, to come back onto the right tracks, not pushing her to comply to the “norms” of the rules, translated…
I was born in the 1960s, with an assortment of physical punishments in my life, the very first day of class, my mother told my school instructor, “If she misbehaved or didn’t do her homework, don’t hold back, punish her physically, we need to physically discipline our young, to make them into something.” Hearing my mother’s words, you’d think, that I’m a stubborn and a really naughty child.
In the third grade, because of my father’s work, I was transferred from my mountain region elementary school into the city, the number of my classmates rose to fifty from just ten, the homework assignments went from only two pages, to ten; I was having problems adapting to school, and started, secretively, running away from school. Back then, my parents worked hard to make a living, didn’t have the minds, to even care about if I’d gone to school as I was supposed to or not. So, I’d just, returned back home, as school lets out.
The place I ran away to from school were either by the river ditch, the bamboo forest, or close to the fruit farms. But, playing by myself is no fun at all, so, I’d gone with my memories, walked for over an hour, to my father’s workplace; as dad saw me in my school uniform, with my backpack on my back, he was thrilled, and asked me what had happened, didn’t I have school? I got teary eyed, and not said a word to him.
Knowing himself, my father knew I had difficulties adapting, and pulled up a bench for me to sit in, I’d had lunch with him in the noon hours, and, after work, he took me to the nightmarkets to get the foods and fish out the goldfish. He’d told me, that it wouldn’t be good if I skipped school all the time, that I can only skip school once every week, and I can only come to his office when I skipped school; back then, we’d had half days on Saturdays, and, we’d set up that day as the day of me skipping school. As my father’s coworker saw me with my backpack, they’d all made fun, “Xiang, your daughter had come, to catch up on her sleep again!”, I’m certain, that dad must’ve gone to my teacher for a conference, otherwise, why didn’t my parents get a visit from my school teacher at home? And the teacher never punished me for skipping, not even once!
Children have great abilities to adapt, as I’d made a best friend in the class, I’d stopped, skipping school as much. My dad allowed me the time, to find my way back to the right track. Back then, our neighbors called him “too lenient”, allowing me to skip school as I pleased, but, he was, actually, wise, using his love to teach me the values I’d acquired.
So, this dad, he’d not spoiled his daughter, he’d just, allowed his child to have the time, to take as much time as she’d needed, to find her way back onto the right tracks, and, think about it, had this father pushed his daughter hard, sent her straight back to school after he’d found out she’d been skipping, then, you can imagine, there would be the opposite effects of what this father wanted to achieve, so, this adult empathized with a child, and, just allowed her to take her time, to slowly, get into the programs of things, and that, is what a good parent should do for her/his own young: allowing the child to have the time s/he needs, to ready her/himself for whatever it is coming in life.