Love, is Allowing Her to Do What Makes Her Happy

How a woman is aging gracefully, staying active in her golden years, with her daughters’ permissions, of course, translated…

After our mother retired, she’d started volunteering at the Department of Social Services, other than handling the domestic violence calls, she’d gone to the elementary schools, and put on skits for the children too, her life after retirement is fulfilled, and it’d, made her dreams of acting in her younger years came true too, and she could keep on contributing to the society, being this active after retirement, she’s fulfilled in her life right now.

picture from the papers…愛媽媽,就是讓她做她會開心的事。 PPAN

As she got older, she’d become physically weaker, and in the heated summer days her needing to take that long bus ride to the schools to perform the skits became, a burden to her.  The volunteer units wanted to have new blood too, and so, we’d advised her to get out of volunteering; but she was, the stage master of the troupe group, the group couldn’t perform any shows without her, and the director and other volunteers tried talking her to go back into volunteering again.

My mother was moved, but because she’d respected her three daughter’s decisions, she could only, turn the offer to get back to work again down.  But, as she’d started, squatting at home, and clearly, she wasn’t, happy at all.  Being outgoing, she’d loved performing skits, sing the Pekingese operas, especially, she’d enjoyed getting everybody’s accolades and attention too, restricting her movements, it’s, like, we’d, clipped her wings; we couldn’t bear it any longer, so, we’d, negotiated the terms with her, and she’d performed for two more years.

After that, she was involved in the elderly community center, gotten involved in ballroom dancing and singing courses, meeting new friends, her moods were, lifted.  But, she’d had an appendectomy, because the doctor didn’t sutcher her up properly, she’d gotten two operations.  After no more than four months’ worth of rest, she’d secretly gone dancing again, and her sutcher busted, her colon fell out, she’d gone under the knife a third time.  And the three of us, sisters can only, forcefully, restrict her movements in dancing, and allowed her to walk around the house to exercise, she’s under, house arrest, not being able to go anywhere, her body started losing shape; we’d worried it might affect her healing, not allowed her to put on her corset, she’d gotten even angrier and not wanted to talk to any of us.

photo from online…

A little over a year has passed, my mother bartered with us, promised she’ll be careful, that she won’t do any hard moves in dancing, and agreed that we go with her, to monitor her every single movement.  My younger sister felt bad, and said okay, and, being responsible for taking care of her in Taiwan, I’d worried about that there may be a fourth operation, I’d not agreed to any of it.

My mother changed her tone, told me she’d just wanted to go back to class to visit with her friends, because everybody missed her, she’d started crying as she’d spoken to me.  I went soft, besides, her smiles are, gone from her since when she’d gone under the knife, and so I’d told her, “So long as the doctor signs you off, I’m okay with it.”

After she received the nod from the doctor, she’d become like a kid going on a field trip, ecstatic.

I thought for a long long time, my mother is already close to ninety, with spurs in her feet, how many more years can she dance?  So long as she’s happy then.

She’d not just returned to her ballroom dancing class, I’d even allowed her to visit my aunt in Dubai too, even though she couldn’t get the accidental travel insurances.  Because as she’d thought about the Burj Al Arab Jumeira, her eyes lit up.

Rather than locking my mother up at home, watching her age by the day, I’d finally learned, that loving mom, is allowing her to do what makes her happy.

So, this, is the daughter’s process of letting go, because of her mother’s health conditions, she’d restricted her mother from doing many of the things she’d enjoyed, and, her mother became unhappy, and this woman realized, that her mother is already very elderly, and that she won’t have that much time left, and so, she’d finally, let go, and allowed her to do what makes her happy.  It’s a difficult adjustment for the daughter to make that’s for certain, but, we children, must, ALSO learn to let go!

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About taurusingemini

All I have to say, I've already said it, and, let's just say, that I'm someone who's ENDURED through a TON of losses in my life, and I still made it to the very top of MY game here, TADA!!!
This entry was posted in Aging Well, Beliefs, Experiences of Life, Family Dynamics, Family Relations, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Staying Active During the Elderly Years, the Consequences of Life, The Passages in Life, the Process of Life, Values of Life. Bookmark the permalink.

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