The two writers are, at it again here! Translated…
Like Us, who are Focused in Writing, Perhaps, We’re Also Searching for Some Form of Pure Conditions. In the Process, Forgetting Our Selves, Day and Night, Poured in Everything We Got, for the Sake, of Getting Our Words to Come Closest, to Represent What We Wanted to Say. By This Way, the Relations We Have with Our Families, Writing, as Well as Our Separate Lives Become, Whole Again, and, in the Moment, They Seemed, Exactly the Same………
Chiang-Sen Kuo: Ping Lu, as we chatted on, summer had, arrived!
Every time the seasons changed, I would try, to remember what I was doing last time this year. Like you already knew, these past couple of years, there’d been, a lot of changes in my life, and, everything that’s happened had been written in my book, “Why Not Get Serious, Feeling the Sorrows?”. Two years ago, I’d decided to take my unpaid leave, headed back to Taipei from Hualien to take care of my father; at the same time, the harder part, was how I’d needed to, cope with how my life will, NEVER be the same again.
I’d had to, break everything I knew down, and relearn everything all over again. After I’d let my own grief take over, I’d started thinking seriously on, on my being single, getting older.
As I was younger, there had been times when I’d imagined what I would be like when I “grow up”, using the films, the books, as well as the lives of others, to take as examples. And yet, I’d, arrived, at age fifty, when we’re to know our destinies, and, that, was when I finally understood, that after this, it’s me, myself, and I, keeping, my own company, that I can only, take all the responsibilities, my self.
Grieving seriously, like feeling calm, after dealing with being lost, turning back, looking back again, at that crossroad I’d faced from before, then, get back on my track again. Thankfully, I’d found, that I was still able to, change my goals and my own paces of life. People who can change are, free, or so I believe.
Ping Lu, maybe some would think, that the healing properties of writing is in getting my feelings out on paper, but you and I knew better, your “Heart Mandala”, and my “Why Not Get Serious, Feeling the Sorrows?”, it’s a sort of a seriously, looking back, examining our lives. Like how in the first pages of your book you’d quoted, Nietzsche, “Because of art, we’re not destroyed by the truths”. I would, use a wider spectrum to explain the word “art”, not only in forms of writing or paintings, or maybe, it’s, the ability, to see the different facets of life too.
I wouldn’t say, that I have ZERO doubts for my future, but, as the day passes, I’d felt my mindset changed.
I’d written my experiences of living with my father alone, what I got out of life, into “I’m About to Venture into the Distances”. This book, was my life tales. Because I found, that all the healing, all the mending up of the self, has to happen in the nitty-gritties of life, which I termed, “my internship for the elderly years.”
The book’s published now, and, the amendments for same-sex marriage passed too. And still, in feeling happy, there’s not much emotional ups and downs with me. Because, as I wrote this book, it was like taking my father home, it’s also, a practice for setting up my own home too. Ping Lu, I’m not the least bit disappointed with love, it’s just, that the me now, I’m finally, comfortable, being with me.
Or maybe, it is no longer related to hetero or homosexuality anymore. Why must we pass a certain again, to finally understand what lover and companions are?
The movie which you and I both loved so very much, “The Lobster”, in order to make a match, the characters needed to put on false fronts or change their personalities, even to make themselves to have the same handicap with the people they’re in love with. Chiang-Sen, do you remember, that the male lead in order to be a part of a couple, needed to force himself to become crueler and more cold-blooded than the person that he’s in love with?”
“The Lobster” is a memorable movie, there was another sharp contrast: as a couple are having issues getting along with each other, they would be “assigned” a child, and the reason being, that under the systems, the child has a way, of resolving the issues between the adults.
I’m guessing, that there is an influx of this example across ALL the generations, when the couples are having troubles, have a kid, attempt to salvage their marriage, sometimes, it works, but sometimes, the child pays the ultimate price.
The director was very forthcoming, “The Lobster” portrayed the problems of the system of marriage well. In actuality, the interaction of the couple often has a sort of a tug-of-war going on, at other times, it’s to achieve that balance, like on a seesaw. Although the heterosexual marriage is so, and now, as the laws amended, homosexuals had gotten their rights to marry too, it is, congratulatory, that this change happened, looking toward the future, the homosexuals may bring some new life to this aged system of marriage.
Marriage is NOT a miracle cure, returning back to your question, how come single people always feel the pressures, and are discriminated by the outside world? I’m thinking, that in the day-to-day living and the systems, the singles are being punished for what they are! The most widely observed, is the seating at restaurants, it’d made a person wanting to seat very stressful. If there are singles seats set up, and, a better way would be have a “single’s discount”, to give twenty-percent off for those who go to the diners to eat alone, if there’s such a place in the city, you and I, would surely, frequent there often.
So, there’s, a lot to be considered here, like how the two writers mentioned above, how the laws are amended, so same-sex couples can marry, and that is, a huge step forward, but, there are, a TON of other situations where the shops are discouraging singles, like the seating at the restaurants.
Chiang-Sen Kuo: Ping-Lu, you’d talked about loving and not loving in a marriage, it’d reminded me of “Fiddler on the Roof”. The traditionally Jewish father in the film set his three daughters up to marry into fitting families, but, as the era slowly changed, the three daughters all wanted to make their own choices, the youngest daughter had even fallen in love with a non-Jewish, white Russian man, and decided to elope with him. The youngest daughter claimed she was in love, the elderly father was saddened and confused, and he’d gone to ask his own wife whom he married by way of matchmaking, “Do you love me?”, as the elderly wife worked around the house, she’d asked him, “I’d cooked for you, did your laundry, raised your children up, took care of you my whole life—and, you’d asked me, if I ever, loved you?”, would this have, answered, the man’s question?
You said, that it’s a tug-of-war between a married man and a woman. I’d never been married, and I can only observe this from my own father, and I’d found, that one of them would have to sacrifice more than the other. Because women are carrying their young, they have difficulties letting go, which make them compromise more. After my mother passed, I kept asking, were my parents who’d fought all the time in love? Didn’t they, fall in love, then, decided, to marry too?
And because of this, I’d slowly, come to understand, that love is not an exchange of gifts; it’s not an insurance for happiness. It’s, a growth experience, with laughter, as well as, tears too, with giving, and getting hurt. Love, is the sum of all of that. It’s bright, it’s also, dark. But, someone who hadn’t, experienced all of it, had never been in love. Love never promised us a rose garden.
Ping Lu, you’d asked if same-sex marriage will bring new life to the originally set up system? I have my reserves on that. From what I’d observed, the homosexual wanted marriages just like heterosexuals, that, is called equality.
Because of being in love, hoping that we will both be guaranteed certain rights by the law, of course, that is, within the realms of human rights. But, I’m totally against thinking on the issues in opposite terms, whether it be homosexual or heterosexual, they already knew what “being in love” is all about, they’re already, living by the rules of the system of marriage under patriarchy. Once there’s a pursued marriage, all the love, would have the need of “establishing a place” to it. Nobody would want to pursue a marriage that won’t work out at the end.
So, this is on same-sex marriages, the understandings of life these two individuals came to understand from living, and, that just showed, how our knowledge base is a built-up, it’s something So, this is on same-sex marriages, the understandings of life these two individuals came to understand from living, and, that just showed, how our knowledge base is a built-up, it’s something that’s, accumulated through the ages, and, with the world changing by the day, the information, the knowledge we have also, increases too.