So many troubles, in this woman’s life, and, it’s all, related, to the beliefs of male-orientedness of the society here, translated…
Yu-Hua and I entered into the workforce one right after the other, and, we’d known one another, for about a year and a half now. She’s in her forties, with a son in his twenties, and all our coworkers all said she was, blessed.
But, as the coworkers inquired about her family, she’d only, slightly talked about them, once, there were, just the two of us back at the office, she’d told me, that her son was from her previous marriage, that after they were married, he’d had, one extramarital affair right after another, and would often owe a TON of debts, then, begged her to go back to her parents to borrow the money to pay up, after several years of this, she’d had enough, divorced him, and, her son lives with her ex.
And, she’d been with her current husband for ten years now, and, from the outside, they’d, related well, but, there was, some uneasiness between them. Because for the decade they got married, she’d not gotten pregnant, and, had two in vitro fertilizations, without any results, the husband would start up a fight about this with her from time to time, and, these past two years, he’d, gotten worse in calling her bad names, but, afterwards, he’d, begged her for forgiveness, over, and over, and, this cycle was like a nightmare she couldn’t, wake herself up and out of.
That day, she came to work, looking a bit off, and I’d learned, that she’d, moved out of her own home now, and rented a place on her own. For these past six months, her husband and her argued endlessly, the husband believed, that he must have his own child, and naturally, he’d, turned down her offer of adopting; and when she went to see her own son, her husband would give her the cold shoulders, said, “It must be nice to have a son you can, hang out with, why won’t you give me one too!”
It’s nothing easy, deciding on giving up a marriage. But the two of them, stopped living together in their minds already. Yu-Hua told me, her physical health, and her household economics, made her want to stop the in vitro fertilization trials, but her husband’s family entered into the battle grounds, kept pushing her, to have another child for their family. The trials she weathered through, caused her to cry alone in the nights.
Recently, there were, many women around me in their forties who’d started dating again, one of them got married to Canada, I’d heard them telling, that they’d, told their husband whilst they were dating that they were all, too old to have children, and, their husbands were, all okay with it.
Yu-Hua’s husband weighed having an heir more heavily than his wife of over a decade, their shared days together, had, come to an end. Seeing how he was, about to marry again, she said, she’d, wished that he will, have his own child soon, at least, she can now, finally, let go of that heavy burden, and start all over again, on her own, brand new life.
So, this, is how ANCIENT the beliefs of some of the MODERN DAY Asian people are! Why must we, women, be labeled in one way or another, based off of whether or not we are able, to have babies for men, huh??? And, a woman’s worth, should NOT only be related, to if she can, give a man a SON!