On losing someone who’s important to you, coming to understand what that lost really entailed later on in life, translated…
We’d never met up, how could we have, parted. There are, many opposites in the world, like night and day, shadow, and light, life and death too, having and losing. I’d not had my share of parting ways, but, for a world-renowned island known for its peace, what I’d weathered through, was more, than my share.
younger children couldn’t quite underetand the meaning of death yet…photo from online…
The very first goodbye I’d had was when I was about eight, I really can’t recall much, only that there are, the silently standing old-style mansion, with the rotted away red poles, a room of sorrows, the serious looking faces of all my relatives, several of them looked like, hungry wolves, ready, to devour up whatever the dead owned? I couldn’t see that clearly, because an elder relative had me on my knees, crawling into the shrine, with rough linen, draping over me.
I wasn’t willing, that coarse material rubbed against my arm, it’d, hurt bad, brought tears to my eyes. And, just so happens that my parents requested that I cried. I can’t help but wonder, when, will that slightly bent over figure start to appear, to rescue me, out of this, frozen noisy scene? That elder would NEVER have me follow the rules so strictly, and I was able to, play coy, climb on to his knees to sit, even, pull on his white-as-snow beard. He would, hand me a small jar of star candy, so, in the eyes of my palms, the scented, sweetened stars filled up.
That young girl with the princess hairstyle was about my age, as the rituals got to an end, she’d pulled onto me, ran around inside the maze-like mansion. “Let me take you to see my grandpa”, her eyes looked flying and happy, “He kept sleeping all day long, my uncles told me to leave him be, we must, keep quiet.”
photo from online…
She’d taken my hand, passed through the space draped over with white clothes, wanted me to look, into a huge rectangular box in the middle of the room, that long box was, a bit, taller than we both were, we’d stepped atop that small stool, looked into that small pane of glass, “Grandpa”, who’s seeping black dots was surely, “sound asleep”, wed looked for a long time, and he’d not awakened, let alone, handing me those star candies, or, allowing me to pull on his beard again.
After the rituals, seeing how the old-style mansion slowly disappeared in my field of vision, a certain kind of panic overcame me, I looked through the back windows, thinking, whether or not, he would, stand there in the front yard, waving goodbye to me, leaning against his cane weakly, watching us, vanish, in his field of vision.
Back then, I’d not yet, gotten, the hang of that fear, and, as the years passed, I’d not known a thing too. Later on, mom told me, that he was, my adoptive father. My parents now, are my distant relatives, as I’d, come to understand it later, turned out, I have, a set of, adoptive parents.
all heading to someone’s funeral…photo from online…
Those thin hands with the age spots would, from time to time, appear, in my dreams, scooped up a handful of candy, pointed toward the stars in the skies, smile and told me, he’s, right there. As I woke, that strong sense of loss, of sorrow, attacked me, and yet, I was finally able to, smile free. It’s no use, keeping sorrows of our pasts, it’s only, keeping our selves locked up, as keeping ourselves bound by the losses we’d endured, keeps us away from the experiences of future bliss. Everything is always relative, too tightly knit to be separated, passing through the sorrows, the losses, happiness, is not far up ahead.
Understand how I had been left with nothing, with the losses I’d endured from my past, I can know, how to, cherish spending the time my family and I now shared, such, a cherished thought.
So, this, would be a memory of lost, of losing someone who’s very close to you, but, you were, way too young to understand what the loss meant, and, it would be hard, for a young child, to comprehend, the meaning of death!