On the matter of DEATH, the experiences of a doctor, translated…
As I’d Handed Out the Report to the Family, I Was, Distraught, This Was, the Very First Life that’s Lost in My Care, it Was, Also, the Very First Death Notice I’d Ever, Written Out………
Back when I was a child, the elders said, that boys don’t cry, because boys needed to be brave; as I started working, I’d chosen doctor as my occupation, to solve the troubles for the patients, and to maintain my professionalism, I can’t cry at all. But, I’m sorry the very first shift I had as a doctor, I’d, cried, even though, I kept, denying it (and the next time you ask me, I’ll still, deny it).
My Very First Death Notice
Because I’d started three months earlier than I was supposed to at the hospital, so, although everybody there was a first-year resident, the other guys had accumulated a little over a year’s working experiences, and, the diligence to which they’d handled themselves on the job, compared to me, was like a Ferrari to a bicycle, but because of this, although I’m not a pretty looking younger female schoolmate, everybody still looked out for me, after all, my existence, can make everybody’s shift hours go easier.
from the papers…
For the sake of protecting me, the primary made sure I’d worked for an entire week’s worth of regular shifts, before he’d assigned me for my first weekend duties. The very first was a Sunday, with the Oncology Department, early in the morning, I’d encountered, with my older schoolmate, a patient with malignant liver tumor, puking up a lot of blood (half a wash basin’s worth at a time) without any prior warning signs, and waited until we’d cleaned everything up, soothed the patient, it was, closing in to noon. Gladly, as the patient entered into I.C.U. his vitals were, stabilized, and, thankful for my older schoolmate, who’d stayed for three extra hours after working the night shifts, so I was able to, surpass this, very first shocking experience. I couldn’t pay him back, so, I’d only, gone up to him, and hugged him, which, in return, caused the nurses, to stare.
For the entire afternoon, although I’d busied myself with the releases and the admittance of the patients, nothing major happened, but, as I’d realized, that I hadn’t had my lunch yet, it was, already, five in the afternoon. That’s fine for me, combine the lunch with supper then, saves money, and it helps me reduce my weight too, killing two birds with one stone here!
At ten at night, the nurses told me, that the patient from the first bed in the third ward started coughing up blood sporadically. The patient was a fifty-year-old man who’s in the terminal stage of oral cancer, the tumor had taken over his entire mouth, he couldn’t even open his own mouth, he’d relied on the feeding tubes to get the nutrients he’d needed. The primary told the family, that because the tumors had already gone into the major arteries, there’s a chance, of bursting and excessive hemorrhaging, and that intubation may not help him to breathe easier, but because of how young he was, the families refused to terminate treatment.
a doctor, taking care of his patient…photo from online… 
As my older schoolmate was trading shifts with me, he’d reminded, “This patient may start hemorrhaging at any minute.”, and so, after I received the notices, I’d gone into the hospital room, to check on him, but, before I could have the time, to explain things to the family members, this man’s eyes looked upward, and large volumes of blood started, coming out of his mouth. After the P.A. announced a 999, the other doctors, and his attending physician came in to help him out, and yet, after an hour’s worth of resuscitation, the man still didn’t have a pulse.
Watching Him on His Last Passage of Life
But because I never declared someone dead, my older female schoolmate, who’s the primary physician was very patient, in teaching me step by step. And, as I’d, handed the paperwork to the family members, I was, overtaken with grief, this was, the very first life that I’d, lost, it was, also, the very first declaration of death I’d ever, written. Before I overcame the shock, the nurses told me, that the elderly man who’s in the terminal stages of lung cancer started showing shortness of breath, and although the family members already signed the DNR, but, in order to not increase the level of the pain that the patient was experiencing, we’d started him on a drip, with morphine, and added to his oxygen content too. An hour later, the elderly man stopped breathing, and finished his last passage of life.
As I wrote out the declarations of death, my older female schoolmate walked next to me, “You should be, getting familiar with the procedures by now, I don’t need to teach you anymore, do I?”, and other than nodding toward her as thank you, my mind went blank. Holy! In only two short hours, I’d written TWO notices of death already, back then, I’d felt, that I’d, failed these two patients, that, was why they’d died, on my shift.
I’d gone to the restrooms, and, as I washed my face, tears rolled down my cheeks, although my older female schoolmate meant nothing by it, but to me, it’d become, this more than heavy experience from work; I’m no longer the interning physician who’d wanted to change my career, to become a cabdriver then, but I know, that from here on out, there will be, even MORE challenges that comes my way at work.
here’s a doctor, resuscitating his patient…photo from online..
It’d taken me a whole six months to get trained as a resident of the oncology department, and as I was filling out which department I’d wanted to work in, the director asked me if I considered oncology? I’d, thanked him for holding me in such high regards, but, I can only turn him down—a patient who was diagnosed with cancer that came in and out of the hospitals a lot, we’d become friends, and, in his final hospitalization, he’d given me some mochi that’s made by his family, and told me, that if I didn’t finish it right away, I shouldn’t refrigerate, because it is good, for an entire week, but, before the mochi was completely consumed, he went into shock because of septicemia, his conditions worsened, and in a few short days, he’d died. I couldn’t live with the fact, that being his friend, being able to predict when his life is to end, in the end, I’d turned down the director’s wanting me to work in oncology.
To this very day, I’d still remembered, how it’d felt, when I was the physician on duty, when I had written out, two notices of death consecutively.
It mustn’t have been easy, to write out a notice of death, and because these doctors interacted with their patients too closely, they’d become, impacted by the losses of their lives, and that, is just a part of being a doctor, you can’t control the lives you can’t save, you can only make sure, that they’re comfortable, when they’re, under your care, and that, is the most, that anyone can ask of you.
Life, the Obstacle Course 