Going through the trials of one’s own younger years, to finally, arriving to a place of peace, and it’d taken, FOREVER, to get there! Translated…
“Instructor, awhile ago, did you really, perform as a mime in May Day’s music video?”, as the miming workshop in Hefei, Anhui was closing to an end, a female student, S asked me abruptly.
“On their twentieth anniversary tour when they’d arrived in Hefei, I saw this music video that was used, to start the show, I couldn’t help but start to cry. Seeing the mime artists fought hard, to catch up to the light in the darkness that surrounded them, as well as the loneliness that enveloped them, no matter how beaten, how tired, even to getting burned by the strong lights, after they’d fallen down, ruined their makeup, they’d taken a breath, and yet, they’d still, continued, to dance their dance, it was, so very, beautiful, so moving.” S spoke all of it in one breath, very moved, and it’d started the other students in discussion who are also, fans of Mayday. “Seeing you kneeling on the ground, the camera capturing how your single droplet of sweat falling to the ground, I’d started to cry too.”
like this, but NOT over schoolwork, NOT my picture…
This song called, “A Place Which Hadn’t Collapsed Inside My Mind”, was written by the lead singer, Shin, music by the group member, Monster, about how as the group became famous in Taiwan, they’d, looked back, over the way they’d come, saw all their trials—the lyrics showed how fearless they were, it didn’t have the romanticisms of success, nor the sense of humor for how they’d become a hit, but about how they’re judging themselves, looking deep within. As you’d, come under the spotlights, how much of what you’d carried from the beginning had been, lost?
As the director of the music video, Showy, found me, because of my life’s story, and told me of the plans of this song, I’d told him that I’ll perform in it right away. Reason being, this, was the song which I’d gotten to know the group, not being a fan of theirs and all, which I’d, fallen deeply in love with, whether it be the lyrics, the music, or the performance by the lead, Shin, all touched my heart deeply. And this song, was also sung by someone whom I’d met on my drifting in China back in 2011, she’d sung the song, in her worn out apartment aloud for me. I’d recalled, back then, we’d sung along to the end of the song, with the notes still rising up, and, our voices cracked, but the tears that came to us both were, more than genuine.
Showy asked, “Mr. Yao, for you, what is a place, that hadn’t collapsed in your life yet?”, sitting in my office in Banciao, Hsinbei City, I’d thought about what I’d gained, along the way—including this, and another office and auditorium I’d shared with another dance group, a group of two young people, with their own styles and thoughts, a few known works, the good friends who had your backs, and help from a ton of other unknown individuals, I’d replied, “Believe. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, the place that hadn’t collapsed yet, is belief.”
As life handed me a huge trauma whilst I was growing up, took away a part of my body by force, I’d passed through the darkness of my younger, hard years, I’d not had a single thought about suicide. Because I’d thought, that thing that was done to me, so filthy, so sinful, will one day, be taken out, by me, in my own way. Otherwise, it would’ve, defeated the purpose of me, running away, what it’d taken, for me, to work up the courage, to fight. Thirty years had passed, I’d found, that that stain that’s, implanted into my body will, NEVER get taken out, it’d become, so tied up, with my personality, my body, it’d become, symbiotic with me; but, at the same time, my life had, gained that width, that strength too. The simple wishes of my childhood years, it’d become, my “belief”, believing, that pain and hatred can only limit my life to plainness, that only I, I alone, have what it takes, to get pass this sort of limit, of plainness in my own life.
the way it feels…Not my drawing…
Miming is the same way for me. I’d always believed, that the hard roads one traveled doesn’t necessarily lead you to a beautiful garden, but you’d needed to, keep on journeying, to see what is at the end of the road (and isn’t the purpose of living until we die, to see, what, is at the very end?), in order to satisfy the curiosities I have for my life, and my self. I think, that was, the motivation for me, to tolerate being alone, and the darkness, it’s also why, although, there are still, storms inside of me, but there’s always, that untouched corner too.
So, this, is on self-preservation, no matter what you’d endured, so long as you keep that small place in your hearts and minds cleared up, you will always, end up all right, and this man had, weathered through too much trials in his life in his younger years already, which was how, he was, able to, arrive to where he currently is, in this peaceful state of mind. It’s that place we all go, to feel at peace, and this man had, found the place inside!
Life, the Obstacle Course 