I want mommy, ALL to myself, and I’m NOT sharing!!! Translated…
Last weekend was Mimi Chou’s birthday, I’d especially scheduled for her favorite aunt and uncle to come to lecture at the class, and, she was, very surprised to see them, sure, but, the end results were, nothing we’d expected.
The day we’d scheduled a trip out to see, to see the whales, and, after the tours ended, it was close to noon, we’d found a Burmese restaurant to eat. Through the entire lunch, Mimi Chou kept complaining how she wanted to go home, or that after a few bites, she’d started wailing about how painful her mouth felt, with the high-pitched and loud cries, and ranted on she wanted a drink, she’d acted like a squiggly caterpillar, clung onto me. After the meal, everybody decided we’d go to get the ice creams, Mimi was really happy, and yet, as we’d arrived in the shop, after she’d had a little bit less than a quarter of the servings of ice cream, she’d started, repeating the behaviors from the restaurant again.
not my photo…
Seeing how the ice cream was, about to melt, I, who’d hated wasting foods almost exploded, and told Bei-Jie, who knew Mimi since the day she was born, “Is she hard to put up with or what?”, Bei-Jie told me, “It’s because she no longer enjoyed, tagging along, and, she saw how much fun you’re having a conversation with us, she thought, we’d, stolen you away from her.”
I was reminded of my most painful childhood memories, New Years; dad, who had a TON of friends always jam-packed the schedules to visit his friends, and relatives, and sometimes, in a day, we could visit almost ten houses, I’d started objecting that since my elementary years, until my last year of middle school, I’d exclaimed, “Then, why don’t all of you come to wish all my friends and their families a happy new year too?”, that, was when my parents finally halted the routines of “everybody onboard” around the New Years.
Compared to how I wanted to get away from my parents, Mimi Chou was the opposite. As an only child from a single-parent family, she’s a child who can keep herself entertained. But, she doesn’t want to become independent. The forefront of her playing by herself was that mom’s close by, along with having mom’s attention on her. Even as I’d invited all her favorite aunts and uncles onboard this time, she’d posed that stature of “I can play with aunties and uncles, but, mommy is still all mine!” And, as the occasion was to celebrate her birthday, but, we hadn’t gotten together in a long while, and, naturally, we have, a lot of catching up to do, but, in her beliefs, mommy sparing her attention to converse with aunties and uncles, was totally, unacceptable to her.
a child makes it harder for a single mother to keep up with her social contacts…NOT my photo…
And unfortunately, I’d needed, a LOT of personal space, and so, constantly being in battle with myself, I’d hoped, to give her the company with a ton of quality, but shorter spans of time, and she’d expected me to be there with her at all times, so long as I’m there physically with her; as most of my friends who’d become moms started feeling “my child’s becoming independent”, I was still, struggling, to put the right distance between myself and Mimi. Because Mimi Chou is at an age when she’d needed the care and attention of adults, and in the end, I’d often, caved to her requests, or that like this time, as I’d placed my own needs before hers, and, she’d started objecting by using an assortment of behaviors: age-regression, to fight me over it. And, in a single parent family, without ANY other adults to help give her the attention she’d needed, this attachment became, even more enmeshed, and, we’re, even more closely bonded to one another.
Although moms all get the consoles of “in a few years, she wouldn’t want you to tag along”, but, for single parent families, if the parents caved in to the child’s regressions and stopped socializing, then, in the end, the parents became more and more isolated, and, without any friends. This, is only changed, with the understandings of friends, families, and loved ones, and how they’d not given up on keeping up connection, to help the single mothers keep their interpersonal networks going.
So, this posed a serious problem, because you’re a single parent, and, your child depended on you, and, you will need time on your own, and, like the instance from above, when you’d invited friends over to help your child celebrate her birthday, she’d felt, left out by you, because, you’re actually, trying, to also socialize with your friends, instead of focusing your complete attention on your young child, naturally, she’d felt awful, and throw a temper tantrum, and, at which time, you can only, wait until your child is done, then, REASON with her/him.