On educating a student with special needs, a mother’s experiences of watching her child come of age, translated…
In my childhood, from kindergarten to high school, my parents never showed up at the parent-teacher conferences. As I’d become a parent myself, I’d wanted to, make up for the lacking, and any situation where a parent is needed to be present, I’d shown up. And yet, there, is this secret I’d kept for long, that I’m afraid of new environments, and I feel awkward interacting with strangers. You’d gone to a new middle school, I’d worked up the courage, and told you the truth about me, “Actually, I’m very afraid of meeting new parents, I’m not very good at socializing. I loved the parents at Shuanxi Elementary, I don’t want to leave them.”, you were only twelve, you’d smiled and offered me console, said, “You will still have contacts with Auntie Lin Noodle, and Jiao Chen’s mom too, no worries. New parents, just don’t talk with them, you’ll be fine.” I’d nodded, “Then, in all the parent meetings, I’m mute.”
the verse by Dickinson…
For you, who’s like the warm sunshine, for you, who’d greeted everything with that warmth, I’m willing to change, to overcome my own social phobia, to make new friends actively. All because I’m the mother, I needed to be strong, so you feel that I’m behind you always, instead of being a shadow that tagged along. Anytime you’d needed me, I will be right there, no matter what you’re feeling, if you’re steadied or if you’d fallen down. I will be right there with you, willing to walk in your shoes, because, we’re a team.
I loved the poem by Emily Dickinson, with “If I can prevent a heart from breaking, then my life would not have been in vain.” And that, seems be my only ability, I’m so tiny, and only when I’m loving you, do I get reminded how great I am.
I’d recalled how in your elementary school memory book, you’d written, ‘Mom is the most important person in my life, you are, the best gift of my life, help you can be happy forever!”
“Misspelled?”, I’d asked.
“Nope.”, you’d insisted on being right.
On the first day of your elementary school year, I’d held your hand, walked into this hundred-year-old campus in Zhongzhen District, into the foreign classrooms, thought to myself: you’ll be spending the next six years, passing your childhood. You sat in your assigned seat, opened up your eyes wide, observed your surrounding environment. Gladly, welcomed everything that’s new into your life. A week pass by, I’d asked you: do you like it? You said you loved your homeroom instructor, Mrs. Yang, you wanted to write her a card, because “she teaches us and works so very hard at it.”
A month later, I was called in by Ms. Yang, she’d suspected that you were, attention-deficit, that you’d constantly, disrupted the class, hoped that I will take you to get treated, and get medicated. I’d attempted to discuss with her, that we were all each other had, that since you were born, we’d lived together, that you’re, a bit more active, but will listen, and not overly misbehave. I’d asked her to give me examples, that which of your actions are troubling to her, that we will, think together, to find a solution.
a class of special needs students…photo from online…
She said that you wouldn’t stand in line at the school.
I said, “As I’d taken him to the movies, and stood in line to get the tickets, he’d always stood right by me quietly and waited.”
“Oh yeah?”, she’d looked at me with doubt: “That’s because it’s you, some kids would pretend in front of their mothers. And in school, when I told him to get in line, he’d wiggled and jiggled, or that he’d poked the child in front or back, he’s such, an awful child.”
Little boys are sometimes, very active………
This instructor wouldn’t even listen to my explanation, even pointed out how I may have, spoiled my own son, refusing to take the advice of professionals, that it will cause dire consequences for my son, and it’d also, impact the reputation of her class. Every once in a while, she’d actively remind me, to take my son to the doctors, and gave me the example of another parent who took her advices, got their son medicated, and now, his grades are, improving.
Every noon, I’d waited outside the school for you to get out, seeing you from the other side of the tracks, with your small backpack, laughing and talking with your classmates, all the way, I’d never seen you hit or kick anybody. I feel so very peaceful, staring at you, every scene with you, is so full of bliss, no matter rain or shine, you are, my anchor, pointed me to the right paths in life, and because of trust, I fear, NOTHING with you beside me, believed, that even as we get lost, we’ll be able to, find our ways together.
a school where kids are introduced to nature, and NOT just CRAM in the texts! Not my photograph…
The autumn sun shone brightly, that warmth entered, in a blink of an eye, you’d started going to school for three months now, and we still hold hands as we walked home from school, talked about the goings-on of your school day as we headed home. All of a sudden, you’d asked me to take you to the arcades, that a lot of your classmates went to play video games at the net cafés after school the entire afternoon, you’d wanted to go there too.
I’d suggested we go to the libraries, or maybe, a mother-child afternoon tea date, that we won’t go to such a place, okay? Then you’d replied, “Fuck you! Why?”
It was in the second grade that I’d transferred you into a distant elementary school, Shuanxi Elementary School, there were only six students in your class. I’d smiled at you, said, “From here on out, your grades would definitely make the top ten!”
The first week of school, the teacher called me in again, she’d asked me with this gentle tone, which school you’d attended? And how come you cuss so much?
I’d told her, how you were forced to see a psychiatrist by the school instructor. And later on, I had, taken you to see a psychiatrist, and you were “diagnosed with A.D.H.D., and medication or not, is up to the parents.”
“I’d not put him on the meds.”, I’d told her, “I don’t believe that medication solves all problems.”
I spent every day with my child, and little boys are active, but so long as you reason with them, they will, behave, we just needed some extra time.
The teacher smiled, said, “Don’t worry, mom, I will, tell it to him.”
The homeroom instructor, Shu-Huei Chen, was someone who’d changed your destiny. She and the rest of your class tolerated your differences from them, and whenever you’d cussed, they’d looked at you with that look of understanding, never responded, and if you made a ruder move, then, Ms. Chen would call you to her desk, to accompany her, not saying a single word, and just, do what she’s supposed to do, and the rest of the class does that too, what they’re supposed to, either listened in class, or studied on their own.
There was another student with Asperger’s, who, can interact and play with the rest of the class after Mrs. Chen’s instructions, and from time to time, he’d had a tantrum or two, which everybody understood, and after he’d vented, they’re still, all best of friends, and played together.
You’d loved school more and more, and shared with me, every single day, on what you’d encountered, that a student made a lowest grade in the history of math tests, “That individual scored a never-before 46. We’d all thought, that that, was the lowest grade, but, someone else made an even lower 32.” Your eyes twinkled, shone with that light, “As for me, as that individual made a never-before low grade of 32, I’d, scored a perfect hundred, and it’s never happened to me before.”
Everything school related had, made you excited. You loved your teacher, your classmates, and loved the playground, loved catching lizards, loved that biodome pond, loved the strayed cats, and loved hearing the calls of the peacocks raised in the school too.
Environment can change you. There are, various reasons for making mistakes, so long as you’re given a chance to improve, to change, I’m sure, that nobody wants to be bad for life.
Until your last year of middle school, you’d still shown gratitude toward Mrs. Chen, in your essays, you’d written, “She’s my exorcist!”
A child who knew how to show gratitude, would you need to get treated?
Up until today, I still can’t understand WHY that first-grade homeroom teacher was so hostile toward you, and, until you’d transferred, you’d still wanted to write that thank-you letter to Mrs. Yang. You continued to see the word, through the eye of innocence, and yet, this world wouldn’t reply back to you with the same innocence, but, I can’t, burst those bubbles right now, because just like you, I chose, to believe in the goodness of the world. In the future, we will meet many more others, good people, people who are busy, those who don’t share the same beliefs as we do, and, there would be, a TON of people who are unfriendly. But no matter what, I’d always recalled what Dickinson stated, “If I can prevent a heart from breaking, I would not have lived in vain. If I can soothe the pain of a life, or make the pains less, or help a dizzy mockingbird, to return to his nest, I, would not have, lived my life in vain.”
So, this, is a single mother’s hardship and encounter, raising a child with special needs, and this also showed, how important the roles of the school teachers are, like how switching her child to that forest elementary school had, turned the child’s life over, and, because, there was, this understanding teacher, who knew that the student have special needs, and gave him the help he’d needed.
Life, the Obstacle Course 